Tuesday, August 30, 2011


I just don't know. It's ten o'clock and I only got home from second auditions less than an hour ago and we ate a late supper and I'm so tired and Owen's coming tomorrow at six and I just wonder how, how, HOW can I do another play now? They're so much work.

And this may be premature. I don't even know if I'll get offered a part. There were a lot of new people there tonight- some very fine talent. So, there is that.
But I just don't know that I have the joy I should have. The fire. It takes fire to do something that hard for love.

Yeah, well. I probably shouldn't be worrying about it right now while I'm so tired. It was a long, hot day. The sky got dark and there was thunder all afternoon but nothing happened except that heavy denseness which held the heat in place like a brick oven and after my walk and working outside it took me hours to get my body temperature back to a normal place.

The firespike is just beginning to send out its red blooms and the sasanquas and camellias are putting out buds, still tight and hard, but representing promise that summer will end.

Promise. Choices.

All I really know is that Owen will be here before light and hopefully, he'll get back in the bed with me and hold onto me and go to sleep. And then, like the turkeys and the goats and the chickens and the mule, we shall play and play all day. And May said she'd come out tomorrow afternoon and that will be wonderful, too. I need to get my arms around her. I need that.

Time for sleep. Oh yes, it truly is. Morning will come early and a boy will come and he will say, "Bop?" "Chickens?" "Smoothie?"

"Yes, love," I will say. "Here is your Bop and the chickens are asleep and we shall have smoothie when we get up. Come to bed now, come to bed."


  1. I get my hands on babies -lots of them!- this weekend :)

  2. I am wanting cooler days. I can see the sycamores changing and turning brown. The light is fading earlier. Fall is coming soon.

  3. the ending of this is divine.

    you will grow into love with the play if you decide to do. you and i, we always seem to rail at the new normal, before it becomes normal, coming in and disturbing the fragile equilibrium we have created, but the play will fold itself right on into that, if you so choose.

    not very coherent. sorry. love.

  4. Angella's comment is the prettiest comment ever. It is magic, so I'll echo it. I tend to get into a frenzy over what ifs, too. Imaginary situations based on possible outcomes to short term problems.

    If the play is meant to be for you, it will happen in the way that it will. And if you want that oyster, you'll take it. If not, your life is full and beautiful anyway.

  5. Please give my love to May.

    Love you so.

  6. SJ- And what a joy that will be!

    Syd- I don't even know if I want fall to come- I just want this heat to break.

    Angella- VERY coherent and I know exactly what you mean. I have been pondering those words of yours all day.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- You know I will.

  7. I don't remember what summer is like. We just had a warmish day, but all summer it's been cold and rainy it seems.

  8. Mwa- I can't remember what anything BUT summer is. We've had record heat and dryness here. Wish we could all balance out a little bit.


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