Monday, March 23, 2015

I'm Bitchy. So What Else Is New?

I haven't felt like writing today or doing much of anything although I have done things. I went to town and Lily and I went to Whole Foods with Gibson who was adorable and we ran into a woman I used to work with a long time ago and I couldn't remember her name to save my life until twenty minutes later when of course it was way too late. And she told me that her husband has three kinds of cancer and I was just like, "Oh, darlin'," because I couldn't remember her frigging name and I felt so bad.

We went and got Owen and went to Japanica! of course, and that was terrific as always and then I went to the store and then I went to pick up papers to fill out to get my notary and then I came home and I've got the clouds of doom around my head instead of the happy bluebirds, singing their little bluebird songs of happiness and it sucks. It just sucks although I REALIZE PERFECTLY WELL that no one has bluebirds of happiness flitting about their heads and singing their bluebird songs of happiness all of the time.


I also know that a friend of mine has suggested Reiki for my anxiety/depression and I am sure that Reiki helps some people but so does homeopathy and I can't go there either. I remember once my friend Sue got Reiki while she was staying with me after she got chemo, the Reiki to help her with the side-effects of the chemo and while this group of loving people were Reiki'ing all over her, she had to jump off the bed and go puke and then she asked them to leave.
No, no, that is not a good reason not to believe in Reiki. I know that.
I'm sure some people can direct energy. I've seen people do it but not in that way.

So I got another damn flyer from the damn Jehovah's witnesses in the screen door. What gives these people the right to come into my yard to leave material that I don't want in my door? 
Oh yeah. God told them to do it. 
Personally, I do not want to learn how Jesus' life and death can benefit me personally, in fact, it seems rather tacky to want to benefit from anyone's death unless it's a rich uncle whom no one liked and you weren't close to and by some miracle, he left his entire fortune to you, maybe because your mother forced you to write him a thank-you note when you were eight years old and he cherished it, unbeknownst to you, all these years because he was so mean that no one else had ever once written him something nice. 
Like that. 
Otherwise, no. 
And in that picture, Hippie Jesus (or maybe it's Hipster Jesus) looks pretty darn happy for someone who's about to go out in the garden and pray to his God Father to take this cup away from him if possible. I don't see nearly enough wine on that table to explain his cheerful mood as he explains his coming demise to his apostles. Do you?

We will be celebrating Easter this year by hunting for eggs (which is what we do daily but that's another subject) and eating ham and greens and bread and possibly strawberry shortcake. I asked Owen if he wanted to hunt eggs at his house this year or at ours and he said ours, and at Gibson's party, Mark said, "Mama, what are we doing for Easter this year?" so I guess that's that. Nothing makes me happier than cooking ham and greens for the people I love. 
I sure don't want to get involved with 20 million people. Oh hell no. 

I was thinking that the next time any religious folks come to the door I should greet them naked which, if they were tender Mormon youths might just put them off women forever. 
"Can I help you?" I'd say, in all of my sixty-year old womanly body splendor. 
I wonder what in hell they'd say? Probably something like, "Maybe this isn't a good time. We could come back later."
"I'll still be naked!" I would yell after their retreating backs as they rushed to go wash their eyeballs out with bleach. 

Oh, what would I do without a fantasy life? 

I don't know. 

Okay. That's all I feel like writing about. I will mention that the green curry Bento box with tofu at the Japanica! was awesome today. No broccoli was involved, just onions and that vegetable that tastes like paste but ten million kindergarteners can't be wrong. Right? 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. This made me laugh...Perhaps the next time some religious zealots alight at my door, I too will get naked and answer the door with a big smile...Whether that or the wheelchair will scare them away, who can say? Glad you had a nice lunch!

  2. I love you Ms. Moon and I loved this post so very much. You got some kind of grit and tenacity in your soul that I so admire. X

  3. JW literature has always given me the creeps. Answering the door naked sounds like a brilliant idea! It would give them something to talk about.

  4. That woman with the husband with three kinds of cancer didn't notice you didn't call her by name, all she noticed was that you listened to her when she needed it. And I agree with Camille: you have grit. I hope tomorrow is better.

  5. I agree with Jenny the woman didn't notice. I may take my homemade no soliciting sign down and open the door naked, it might work better. The last bunch just stood there ringing the doorbell, like they couldn't read the sign. They were hispanic, but I'm sure they knew what it meant. Gail

  6. I love all your posts, but this is one of the "extra special" ones! I just love where your mind goes and the words you use to describe it.

  7. I missed you earlier and was a little worried about you that you didn't write. That is fucked, huh? Must feel like pressure. I just really wanted to know you were ok. Now I know you are not really ok but you are alive. I am glad about that and that you saw the boys today. I hope you have some version of bluebirds or some such light tomorrow. I love you.

  8. LOL -- I love the image of you greeting the missionaries naked. That made my day. One of my former co-workers once greeted me at her door completely topless. Needless to say it was not what I was expecting. But she was a free spirit type and she knew I'm gay so I guess she figured, what the heck.

  9. Easter always brings this out in you :) Your easter posts are seriously always my favorites.

  10. I was drinking tea over my keyboard when you painted that picture of you naked with the religious boys!!! That could have ended very badly. But it was a wonderful picture.

  11. My ex husband had a sure-fire fix to keep the JH's away. He'd open the door, let them in, then say in his weirdest redneck voice, 'do y'all want a beer or sumpin? My wife's fixin' to go to work (she works at the titty bar), so we can drink and watch porn on cable.' Sure enough, they bee-lined it out of there, and must have told their fellow JH's, because nary a one ever came by again. Yeah, my ex is my ex for 129,722 reasons, but that's one thing I like about him.

  12. oh I used to fuck with the proselytizers. they'd start that whole end of the world thing and I'd agree with them...yep, it happened, their prophecy came true, those people, that world, gone from the face of the earth. this was back in the city. they used to come by here but now I just tell them that I am not interested, that I am perfectly happy with my world view and doesn't include their big daddy in the sky. anyway, I don't need anyone to die for me cause baby, it won't stop me from dying.

  13. Okay, I think the naked at the door thing is good. We, thankfully, don't get the Jehovah's here because they probably figure that anyone living way down a dirt road might not take kindly to strangers driving up. At any rate, we haven't had any one of them for at least a couple of decades. And I am really glad about that. No patience for engaging them in some kind of religious dialogue.

  14. My heart skips every single time I read the word Cancer. Seriously, it's everywhere and it affects everyone. Sigh. My condolences to your temporarily nameless friend.

    We've never had an outdoor Easter egg hunt. Too much snow. Ha!

    I have to bluebirds either.

  15. Naked and swigging gin out of the bottle whilst answering door has a ring to it I feel

  16. e- I have a feeling they love people in wheelchairs. You can't run away as fast.

    Camille- Well, if by grit you mean bitchiness, yes! I do! And a stubborn streak.

    Birdie- Almost all popular religious literature gives me the creeps.

    jenny_o- I think she did notice but whatever. I really did know who she was. And I really was so sorry to hear about her husband.

    jenny_o- Sometimes I think that putting up a sign that said something like, "Religious groups- WELCOME! I would love to discuss my pagan beliefs with you. Of course I will not allow you to talk. You will just have to listen!" might do the trick.

    Sylvia- Humor. Gotta get a sense of humor. Or at least try.

    Joanne- You are so sweet! Of course! I do feel a little bluebirdy today. Thank you!

    Steve Reed- I remember when nudity was just a thing. We all went about nude. It was so lovely! Of course, we all had pretty lovely bodies at the time, too. I wish we still felt that way sometimes.

    SJ- I know they are! Haha! I do my best to please you. Nothing brings out the sense of the absurd about religion for me as much as Easter.
    It always baffles me.

    Mwa- Can you see it? Those unfortunate little blue-eyed, blonde-haired innocents encountering me naked!

    Catrina- That would have been worth keeping him around for at least an extra month or so. Love it!

    Ellen Abbott- Amen, sister!

    Syd- If I am in an especially mean mood, I sort of WANT to discuss this shit with them. But mostly I just tell them I'm not a religious person and no, I do not want their stupid bad-art pamphlet.

    heartinhand- My heart does that same thing. I hate the very mention of it. See? Not even going to name it. No Easter egg hunt outdoors? Now that's just wrong.

    Battybint- Yes! Absolutely. The addition of the gin bottle would be perfect!

  17. "I'll still be naked." Oh thank you! This is the answer to everything. You've solved all my problems. I can't stop laughing. I love you, Mary Moon.

  18. Clearly, I missed a few posts because I asked you to write more about religion earlier (which was later when you wrote it!).

  19. Denise- That was my favorite line in the whole post. And YOU got it! Thank you! I love YOU, Denise Emanuel Clemen!

    Elizabeth- Psychically connected.

  20. Yes. Do the naked thing.

    Don't do Reiki, no. That's not for you, clearly!


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