Saturday, April 7, 2012

Who Do You Have To Sleep With To Get A Chocolate Bunny Around Here?

I cursed myself with the statement about how chill I've been since returning from Mexico and some switch flipped last night. I went to bed pissed and I'm still pissed but I have at least recovered from my thought that I'm not even going to do the egg-dying thing tonight.
I guess we will.
Does anyone really WANT to?
I don't know. I have thirty eggs in a pot on the stove and that'll be thirty hard boiled eggs.

I hate Easter. Not because of the egg dying. I love the egg dying.

There's a blog I lurk at because the writer can't seem to make up her mind on whether she wants to talk about her vagina more or God and it's just insanely fascinating to me, and lately God has been winning and she put up a picture of a bloody Jesus hanging off the cross yesterday and maybe that's why I'm pissed off.
Bloody Jesus.

Have you ever been to a country where they hang up the corpses of animals to be sold as meat? I have. Flies are involved.

I just feel old.

Old as old bloody Jesus hanging off the cross.

Yesterday Owen told me to stay out of the bathroom because he was pooping. Because he is the boss of me, I did. I was approximately five feet away. I went in to check on him and he had gotten a lipstick and smeared it all over his face and hands and at first I thought the child was bleeding and my heart skipped several beats but I knew it wasn't blood because if it was, he'd have been screaming.

Oxyclean and hot water and laundry detergent will, in fact, remove lipstick from towels and rugs.

I didn't even really fuss at him. He also took some antlers of his grandfather's and poked holes in the screen with them. I thought he was smacking the screen with a strip of plastic he'd been holding seconds before and so didn't feel the need to go and look. I could hear him. He was fine. I've half-raised two brothers and entirely raised four children of my own and I should know better than to leave him alone, even if I can hear him, but it never occurred to me that he'd be poking holes in the screen with antlers.

I didn't really fuss about that either. Here's what I said, "Your Bop isn't going to like that."


When Bop came home he didn't fuss at him much either. They pretended to fish off the side of the porch. They caught several sharks.

It's cold here this morning. Well, around fifty degrees or so, which is cold when it's been up in the high eighties already. We have the heat on in the baby chick room. Those baby chicks are growing so fast and one of the banty chicks is as big as Curly Sue, the "regular" chicken, and they flap around the box when you reach in to take them out so you can clean their cage and I think they could probably fly already. Also, some of them have such long necks that I am wondering if they aren't actually anhingas (aka Snake Bird) or at least somehow related to our chicken Ozzie who has the longest damn neck I've ever seen on a chicken. I can't see how this could be but there you go- long necked birds.
They're getting little tail feathers now.
They shake 'em.

If you're looking for a point here, you are going to be sorely disappointed.
(Point-disappoint? Mmmmm....)

So. Easter.
We have the baby chicks, we have the eggs. I saw a rabbit in the woods the other day. He did not have an Easter basket with him and he ran like hell when he saw me.

Here's a lily. Well, an amaryllis.

The funny thing about that amaryllis is that I brought it home from the woods. No, amaryllis don't grow in the woods normally. It was growing out of a pile of yard-trash that some asshole piece of shit person had dumped in the woods about eight months ago. I pulled it out of the mess it was in and brought it home and planted it in my flower bed and there it is.
I saved it! I saved its little amaryllis life!

I do not have any chocolate bunnies and I do not have a ham. Lily's making a ham tomorrow.

So we have Easter covered, as far as I can tell with the exception of the chocolate bunnies although I do not have any bloody Jesus hanging from a cross.
I will hang the clothes on the line.

That'll do.

I better go cut some collard greens. I better go hang those clothes. I better go attend to those eggs.

God, I feel old. I don't think that "Easter makes all things new!" thing is working for me.

Maybe it's working for you. I hope so.

Maybe I should talk about my vagina.

No way.

Yours sincerely...The Very Old Ms. Moon


  1. 'some antlers of his grandfather's' - perhaps Easter isn't working for you because you're the bride of some Pan type nature god :)

    'boys will wreck your house and girls will wreck your head' - though there's been some crossover, I find this to be mostly true.

  2. Actually, your eggs are beautiful just the way they are.
    I was just thinking about the Jesus/cross thing a few minutes ago with puzzlement and then thought how very superstitious people are.
    I could go on, but just let it suffice to say I don't think God and Jesus engineered that plan to put him on a cross to die.

  3. Jo- Combine that with: "If you have a boy, you have one pee-pee to worry about. If you have a girl, you have every pee-pee in the neighborhood to worry about" and that about sums it all up.
    Mr. Moon a Pan-type nature god? Huh. I'll have to think about that one. Maybe.

    Rubye Jack- I know. It's almost a shame to dye them. And if God and Jesus did come up with that plan, they were smoking crack.

  4. I love the image of Owen smeared in red lipstick. I also love the image of you hanging up clothes on a line and cutting up collards.

    The real question is: When do you start making the Key Lime Pies again? Your Key Lime Pie is officially food porn. I am a fairly crappy cook with the exception of my Who's the Mac Mac and Cheese but I do love some good food photos. The eggs were just a tease.

  5. I love your pot of eggs. Thank you for not talking about your vagina. Too many people already are, and it's not that fascinating, really. Maybe yours is, what do I know? I know mine is not that exciting these days.

    Easter makes me as crazy conflicted as Christmas, what with the ridiculous side story of the bunny and the candy. I don't get the connection, and I don't know what to celebrate except Spring, so I must be more pagan than heathen. I haven't even thought about shopping for food yet, maybe a ham for old time's sake?

    Thanks for the stroll through your yard, your life and your brain this morning. It's always a good time.

    Hope somebody brings you a chocolate bunny - a Dove bunny, because they are the best!
    And good luck keeping up with the boy, he's at a very, very busy age. Magical, but Busy!

  6. Gradydoctor- The key lime pies will begin next month when certain of my children want them instead of birthday cakes. Hang on. They're coming. Now...I'd love to see a picture of your Who's The Mac?

    Mel- What's to talk about? I have a vagina. It has served me well.
    Pagan, heathen. I'll take either one although I think the Pagans had a lot of rules too. Or at least, rituals. Ham is always good. So is Dove chocolate.

  7. I think my anti-spring poem by Millay with the line "April spewing flowers like an idiot" or whatever is apt here. You're not the idiot, of course -- it's just that feeling.

    As always, I completely relate and especially enjoyed Owen sticking antlers through a screen. That is something either of my sons would do.

  8. Hanging clothes and tending kittens here, and that will also have to do.

  9. I desperately need the recipe for Who's the Mac Mac. Please.

    Also this is the best blog post I've read in YEARS:

    There's a blog I lurk at because the writer can't seem to make up her mind on whether she wants to talk about her vagina more or God

    It made me laugh so hard I scared the neighbor's chickens and I'm inside!


  10. Nicol- And you should see my vagina!

    Elizabeth- Boys. What can you do?
    I think I'm fine with spring, actually. It's that damn bloody Jesus that's got me all weirded out.

    messymimi- Kittens will do if you don't have chicks.

    Madame King- We shall petition Sister Grady Doctor for it. The recipe.
    I'm glad you liked my post. We share a certain twisted sensibility, you and I.

  11. OOoh, I want to know the blog. I'm a sicko and love to read sicko things like that.

    What's funny is if you would chat about your vajay on here, we would all listen. Because you'd do it in a cool, chill way.


  12. I, for one, am certainly excited to dye eggs.

  13. You're lucky you weren't raised over here in holy catholic Ireland !!! I remember as a child having to do the stations of the cross on Good Friday, and having to go in line in the church to kiss the feet of bloody Jesus on the cross... Hmmm wonder why I sent my kids to a non denominational school !!! Happy Easter whatever it means to you and all your chicks, human and otherwise.. J

  14. I wish I was home to dye eggs. Well, not so much for the egg dying part (although that is always a fun, creative thing to do) but because we get to hang out as a family. I miss my sweet family. Kiss everyone like crazy for me. Although, I know you've already got that taken care of.

  15. I hope Jesus is gorging himself on chocolate bunnies.

    And I hope for a tad less destruction from O. But, goodness knows, curiosity had led me to destroy many things, including myself. I don't think he's on that track at all.


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