Thursday, April 5, 2012

A Thursday

Okay. Well, I guess you guys DO come back and read my comment responses.
I'm very glad to know that. And let me add that if you ever want to make a further comment to a response- that's cool too. Like I say, I aim for it to be a conversation and as many of you pointed out, this does feel like a community and that feels good.

So good morning and we slept late for us and it's another beautiful green day. It rained again yesterday afternoon after a fine cracking thunderstorm. It came and it went but whatever rain we got is appreciated, we are grateful for.

I'm about to go take a walk which I have been doing regularly this week and it feels good. I have been a slacker for some time now, putting that as a last priority and I know better. I've been a regular exerciser for more than thirty years but sometimes I let it go for awhile and I always regret that but it's the way of it and I always start up again and it's a relief just to know I can stil do it- walk fast and hard for forty-five minutes, an hour. Whatever. My walk this morning won't be as much fun because I finished that James Lee Burke book and I was so wrapped up in his world. He is one of those authors where his "place" is as important as any character in the book and I remember when I had that real Yankee agent for my book and she kept reminding me that every time my characters went outside they did not have to report on what the sky looked like but reading Burke, I tend to think that I was doing all right with that.
Well, it's a damn moot point at this point but I am going to miss that book with its excellent narration, its wire-strung tension, its descriptions of how it feels when the earth needs rain and the rain keeps acting like it's about to make its entrance onto the stage of your world and yet, doesn't, and that heat, that constant longing for the reassurance that the rain gods have not completely deserted us, that our world can continue on with its desperately thirsty life.

Or something like that.

But here it is, another day and I'll start listening to a different book and the library is filled with James Lee Burke and I'll start going through them. I do this. I get captured by an author and I just read and read and read through their work unless it was a false flirtation and one of their books does something that pisses me off or doesn't do something that I need for us to continue in our relationship and then I'll move on. I used to read Burke but his violence put me off and I quit. Maybe I have grown up. Maybe I have accepted the fact that there is violence in this world and people who are evil and I can handle it better now if it is all wrapped in beautiful descriptions and longing and forgiveness. Especially of the self.
Who knows? Not me.

I am going with my mother to see her doctor this morning. Her doctor sees her in the clinic downstairs from where she lives and so that's convenient. She mentioned the other night that she desperately needs a hair cut. There is a beauty salon where she lives too (they have everything there- everything!) and I asked her why she doesn't just make an appointment there. "I am not paying twenty-two dollars for a hair cut!" she said.
I was taken aback.
"How much does your regular guy charge?" I asked.

I thought about the gas it would take me to go to town and pick her up and take her over there and then take her home.


Well, I'll probably be much the same when I am her age although if I am like I am now with my hair, I won't need to get it cut ever, maybe trimmed once a year. When we were at the library yesterday for that story-hour, I realized that every other grandmother there had grandmother hair- short and white. My own hair was still wet from the washing I'd given it after my walk because when I finish my walk, my hair is soaked from sweat and it's not short and it's not yet all white. I felt a bit like Owen- not really fitting in- and don't we all feel that in one way or another?

I remember going to a place on the internet back in the days when the internet was a much smaller place and it was a site purporting to help people figure out whether or not they were actually part-alien or something like that and one of the telling questions was, "Do you often and have you always felt different? As if you don't belong?"
But before I let myself get all wrapped up in wondering if I might, indeed, be part alien, I realized that if there are people who have never felt that way, I had never met one.
This reminded me of when I'd gone to the survivor of sexual abuse group for a few years and I'd walked in there feeling as if I were a unique individual with unique problems and by the time I left I realized just how much I had in common with other women who had been sexually abused and how I wasn't really unique at all which was fine. In fact, it's a good thing sometimes to know that. We may feel different but at the bottom, we are all so very similar in many ways, especially if we have all grown up in a similar situation.

Well, here are the chicks, not a great picture but look at those pretty faces, all with permanent eye-makeup to die for (dye for- sorry, really bad pun) and they are doing well and eating about fifty times their weight per day in chick feed.

I gotta go walk. It's important. And I know it. I walk out the kitchen door and I come home and walk back in it. A short journey but a good one and it suits me fine. Every day basically the same walk and yet, never quite the same experience.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. You're the first thing read this morning, so early. I feel very peaceful and thank you for that. Now I'm going back to sleep.

  2. I like being part of a community of individuals.
    That feels like a sort of fitting in that works for me.

    Getting older seems to be as freeing as it is restrictive and I have made a peace with that at least for now...

    Have a wonderful day Ms. Moon. I do go back to see your comment replies, but I don't expect them.. I usually comment via an email, but so often wait for that just right time and then so long passes and I don't know... no obligation.
    I make myself crazy with guilt all day every day. Just crazy.

  3. My daughter (5) presumed that all ladies hair naturally goes "white and bobbly" (short curls)as they get older . . . I said something the other day about being old, to which she replied "You can't be old yet Mum, your hair is still long and straight".
    I loved the "The singing group" post. I could never bring myself to take my kids to these things . . . I think I might have crawled under the chair with Owen.

  4. What do you listen on when you walk? I don't think that sounds right. Tapes? DVDs? iPod? Are there books on iPod? I don't have an iPod. Walkman? HAHAHA I am so out of it.

  5. I hate those little old lady haircuts but now understand much of the reason why they go with it. No hair. Since I've been sick, I have lost so much hair that now I think of just cutting what's left real short. If I do I won't have it "set" though. I love your hair btw.

  6. So many people - like your Mom - don't take into account the cost of the gas etc. of a trip -even a short one. My mother DOES and no matter what, gives more than enough gas money anytime anyone takes her out. For her, it's still cheaper than a cab and certainly cheaper than maintaining a car even if she still drove. In fact, I got a speeding ticket not long ago with my Mom and she insisted on paying it.

    I figure it costs me $5 minimum every day to take my dog out where he can run. It's worth it anyway.

  7. You know Mary, it's absolutely astonishing how many women and a few men I've met that have had sexual abuse in their past in some way at some point... I used to think it was sort of a small minority of freak perpetrators that engaged in this, but apparently, there are a crazy amount of them out there... this is why I am so vigilant with my son as to who he spends time with alone, which is with nobody except for you, Sarah and a few others. Makes things harder on us, but oh well...

    Hope you have a good visit with your mum.

  8. I love "place." Sadly, it is somewhat out of fashion. We are often unaware of our surroundings these days. The iPhone screen can tell us the weather, and we look at that instead of at the sky. People are homogenized by watching the same shows on TV. When I went to college in Minnesota in 1970, 350 miles from my hometown in Iowa, I was surprised by how different people sounded. I don't really hear that when I visit now.
    So tell me, Mrs. Moon, what your sky looks like, how the chick's feathers are coming in, what is green, and where the dust settles. Tell what is blooming and how it smells, and what creature Mr. Moon has brought you to eat. I don't live where you live, and I want to know.

  9. Those James Lee Burke books are great. I am going to get the new ones to listen to. I used to do the books on CD all the time on my drive into work. Now I drive to the boat, so why not do that again.

  10. Elizabeth- A new use for my blog! A sleep-inducer! Yay! Love you, baby.

    Deb- Stop it with the guilt. I already said it in the wrong place so now I am saying it here. Whatever, whenever here at Blessourhearts or never. It's all okay.

    bugerlugs- Well, my hair shall probably grow white and bobbly too. We shall see. I love the words children make up. They are so often perfect.

    Madame King- Up until very recently, yes, I was still listening to a tape walkman and I am not kidding. But now the library is doing away with the tapes. I have switched to the books on CD and have a Disc walkman. There are also little mp3's which are called Playaways that the library has some books on and they are convenient but the audio sucks. Yes, you can download books for iPods but mine doesn't work. You can also download them onto your iPhone. I imagine I'll eventually try that route. Or one of them. It's too much and yet, wonderful to have options.

    Rubye Jack- I know I am very fortunate to still have a lot of hair.

    Jeannie- Well, your mother is not like my mother. But we knew that!

    Ms. Fleur- It's hard to be trusting and I don't think that's a good thing either. But still, I understand.

    Denise- Oh. Thank-you, thank-you. Thank-you.

    Syd- Why not? And I listen when I walk and when I do housework or wash the dishes or cook or....

  11. Maybe if everyone would wake up and realize how similar we all are underneath we could end violence and war. It's a nice thought, anyway.

    Your mother wanting to run all over town to save a few dollars on a haircut reminds me about my aunt, who used to run all over town to save 6 cents on a can of peas. My mother could never convince her it didn't save anything.

    Hope your day is going well.

  12. Feeling different is a sign of being part alien??? I never knew. My hair is not all white but it is gray and white and it is a short afro because I don't want to take the time to let it grow out long again. i would just twist it up in a bun so what's the difference. i just don't want to have to think about it.


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