Sunday, April 29, 2012

WAY Too Much Nature

So what did I write this morning? That nothing was happening at all and that if anything mindblowing happened I would tell about it and that I hoped it didn't involve a snake? Did I say that? Yes I motherfucking did.

God I hate being psychic.

I was just sitting out here on the back porch with my internet working and I heard something going on in the already-closed-up hen house. Clucks and a few thunks and yelled to Mr. Moon and said, "Something's going on in the hen house!" and he and I raced out there with the flashlight and by god and by motherfucking hell there was a skinny-ass oak snake with his head in Flopsy's nest and Mr. Moon yelled, "Dammit! A snake!" and he grabbed him up and I was yelling and the snake wrapped itself around Mr. Moon's arm and even though he had that snake wrapped around his arm, we checked the nest and there was the baby chick under Flopsy and another one, too, just hatched and not all puffed out and dried and yet that damn snake had FEATHERS IN ITS MOUTH! and Mr. Moon grabbed the machete in the garage and took the snake to a stump and I yelled, "Kill that motherfucker!" and he hacked at the head and it wouldn't die. I swear. Snakes are tough.


How did I know that a snake was going to enter the picture today?
Well, I didn't. It was just a thought.
But it did.
Which is weird.

But not really, if you think about the fact that humans have to have more than the five senses to have made it this far.

Mr. Moon pinned the snake by the neck with the machete to the stump and he secured the hen house as best he could to prevent more snakes from getting in (they can get into the tiniest holes, believe me) and then he threw that snake into the woods and it landed with a thump and it was not dead but I don't think it's going to go hunting baby chicks again tonight with that bleeding sore throat he has.

I can't hate snakes but I can't not hate them. It's a strange thing. And if that one had gotten and eaten one of those baby chicks I don't know if I could have stood it. Of course I could have but it sure would have been awful.  Tomorrow I'm going to move Flopsy and whatever chicks there are and whatever chicks haven't been hatched to the new little coop he built. No snakes can get in there.

I know that snakes can't help it if they're hungry and not cute like baby chickens but it doesn't mean that I'm going to let them eat our baby chickens.

I'm just so glad I was out here on the back porch and could hear that something was going on in the hen house. I'm just so glad that Mr. Moon is brave and grabbed that serpent and hacked at his head.

Jesus. Too much fucking nature.

My mind is blown.


  1. Damn! You called snake and got snake. That's the way it works I think.

  2. That is one cute chikie babe. I'm glad youz two saved the chicks.

    I've had too much nature too. My legs and arms look like I've gone a few rounds with a cougar in a phone booth. But I'll tell you what, I LOVE wielding that damn ax! It's definitely the way to go. May I hold on to it for a few more days? I had to quit as the heat was getting to me.

    Thank you so very much for the use of the pressure washer and the magic ax. It was a productive day here. No snakes but lots of skeeters and skinks.

  3. Juancho- I do not think I called the snake. I think I saw it beforehand. I swear.

    Ms. Fleur- Now you know why I spend so much time outside in overalls, hacking away. And there have been more skinks this year than I have ever seen before.

  4. Mr Moon is entirely. Awesome.

    Once when I was camping in the desert with my dad a rattled crawled ho to our tent and he jumped out and crushed that fucker with a huge rock then he picked the limp snake up with a stick and asked. Me to take his picture and that dammed snake curled right around that stick and dad threw the stick and the snake into the river (the Oyhee Ri er that runs from Oregon into Nevada. We were white water rafting.

    Holy Shiite. Sorry for all that. I think my dad would have loved yr Moonman.


  5. I typed that on my Kindle. PEOPLE I AM NOT DRUNK. I meant to type a rattler and I'm sure it looked okay when I read it in my bedroom all those tiny blinking letters. Dangitall.

  6. Bunch of scary shit if you ask me.

  7. I love all creatures and I even like snakes. But big ass snakes in hen house freak me out. Mr. Moon is brave because I would have peed and fainted.

  8. You guys need to have a reality show.

  9. Your commenters are as entertaining as reading your blog. I agree with Rubye Jack and Elizabeth and i would have ran and fainted and peed too like Birdie if I experienced anything like that. I am afraid to admit here that I am scared of any creepy crawly thingies because you live such an exciting life in your slice of heaven... Your baby chickens are really adorable. Joanne

  10. A new dragon slayer has risen...
    Hurraah for Mr Moon.
    Not fun to find such a find in a hen house!
    Don't think snakes again Ms Moon... Think more chicks instead.

  11. Snake! and BABY CHICKS!! Oh, it is going to be a fun week with pix of the new chix =o). Props to the Mrs and Mr Moon for great defense of the henhouse. x0 N2

  12. you and the hens have become one, you see through their eyes now. I believe that makes you a warg.

  13. Madame King- Thank GOD for men who can kill the snakes and chase away the saber toothed tigers. Bless them for we love them so.
    We know you're not drunk and don't care if you are. Love you.

    Rubye Jack- NO SHIT!

    Stephanie- Yep. HOLY SHIT too.

    Birdie- I never faint. I have been known to pee my pants, though.

    Elizabeth- Oh HELL no.
    Thanks, though.

    Joanne- They're pretty darn cute, aren't they?

    Photocat- I WISH I could control what in the hell I think.

    N2- It's so stressful!

    Magnum- I'm a WARG? What is that?

    Jill- Yep. Or a reality circus.

  14. My cats have killed 2 snakes in the yard this spring. Nothing makes me shudder like a snake.

  15. Holy Shit! Mr. Moon to the rescue. Glad the peeps are safe. :)

  16. Yikes.
    Mr. Moon is my hero.
    To paraphrase a pre-school teacher I used to know,"Good for the snake. Bad for the chick." Yeah, I get that, but it just seems a shame for a baby anything to be devoured so haplessly. I'm so very glad Flopsy's chick was rescued.
    You are really out there in a day-to-day with the wild critters. Me--I'd have the critter jitters all the time if I lived where you do! Good luck against the snakes, the rats, and whatever else you got.

  17. Wow.

    Really, i like snakes. Have had them as pets as a kid and as an adult. Do not like them in the henhouse, but in their place (the creek, the woods, or the snake tank).

    Good for Mr. Moon.

  18. Glad that the chicks will be safe. I don't want venomous snakes around my critters so I place them elsewhere. I seldom kill any, but can understand that the oak snake was harming the babies and would do great damage. Glad to be rid of that chicken killer.

  19. the snakes are very out and about lately.

  20. WOW! I missed a lot of action the last 2 days. Man, a day can seem quiet, and like nothing is going to happen, then bam! A snake. I read this on the edge of my seat, then I read it to my husband and he loved it too.


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