So what did I write this morning? That nothing was happening at all and that if anything mindblowing happened I would tell about it and that I hoped it didn't involve a snake? Did I say that? Yes I motherfucking did.
God I hate being psychic.
I was just sitting out here on the back porch with my internet working and I heard something going on in the already-closed-up hen house. Clucks and a few thunks and yelled to Mr. Moon and said, "Something's going on in the hen house!" and he and I raced out there with the flashlight and by god and by motherfucking hell there was a skinny-ass oak snake with his head in Flopsy's nest and Mr. Moon yelled, "Dammit! A snake!" and he grabbed him up and I was yelling and the snake wrapped itself around Mr. Moon's arm and even though he had that snake wrapped around his arm, we checked the nest and there was the baby chick under Flopsy and another one, too, just hatched and not all puffed out and dried and yet that damn snake had FEATHERS IN ITS MOUTH! and Mr. Moon grabbed the machete in the garage and took the snake to a stump and I yelled, "Kill that motherfucker!" and he hacked at the head and it wouldn't die. I swear. Snakes are tough.
How did I know that a snake was going to enter the picture today?
Well, I didn't. It was just a thought.
But it did.
Which is weird.
But not really, if you think about the fact that humans have to have more than the five senses to have made it this far.
Mr. Moon pinned the snake by the neck with the machete to the stump and he secured the hen house as best he could to prevent more snakes from getting in (they can get into the tiniest holes, believe me) and then he threw that snake into the woods and it landed with a thump and it was not dead but I don't think it's going to go hunting baby chicks again tonight with that bleeding sore throat he has.
I can't hate snakes but I can't not hate them. It's a strange thing. And if that one had gotten and eaten one of those baby chicks I don't know if I could have stood it. Of course I could have but it sure would have been awful. Tomorrow I'm going to move Flopsy and whatever chicks there are and whatever chicks haven't been hatched to the new little coop he built. No snakes can get in there.
I know that snakes can't help it if they're hungry and not cute like baby chickens but it doesn't mean that I'm going to let them eat our baby chickens.
I'm just so glad I was out here on the back porch and could hear that something was going on in the hen house. I'm just so glad that Mr. Moon is brave and grabbed that serpent and hacked at his head.
Jesus. Too much fucking nature.
My mind is blown.