Thursday, April 12, 2012

Side Boob And Other Important Observations

(This is Miley Cyrus. I honestly do not know why she's a celebrity and yet, she appears to be one.)

The entertainment and celebrity sections of the internet seem to have a new obsession which is "side-boob." Seriously? Now all the celeb women are wearing tops that show side-boob? So what? It does indicate a beautiful bra-less trend which I love. Of course, celebrity boobs are perky and so their side-boob view is fine and paparazzi-worthy. Mine would require that someone notify security.

Why are we so obsessed with bosoms? I don't know. But we are. Okay, wait. I do understand. I love bosoms. You love bosoms. We ALL love bosoms. But why are we so wink-wink about them? Why do we all feel that if you get a peek at more bosom than is usually displayed it's such a big, huge deal? Do we all have the mental and emotional age of a thirteen-year old boy?


And when I say "we" I suppose I should point out that maybe that doesn't include you. Or me. Just...everyone who writes about celebrities right now. Although honestly, I do love bosoms.

Well, good morning. Let me just say this: Folgers coffee sucks. Publix hasn't had their Eight O'Clock brand coffee on BOGO for a very long time.

I've resorted to trying other coffees. Unhappily so. Well, I like the Yuban Dark Roast pretty well.

Plus, it's Rainforest Alliance Certified whatever the fuck that means.
Really, it's not bad. Also it comes in a can. Coffee cans are handy for all sorts of things.

Folgers isn't getting its picture here. No way.

I feel like I'm writing a kindergarten blog post here today.
I feel like maybe I'm a kindergartener today.
A kindergartener who looks at side-boob online and drinks coffee. Cheap coffee. I don't like Starbucks coffee. It tastes like they sent it through the roaster about five times too often. I don't put anything in my coffee so I don't like it too bitter unless I'm in a bitter-coffee mood and that doesn't happen when I wake up and get my coffee and sit on the porch with it. I think they make it that bitter so that you'll get one of those Latte Mocha Chumichanga coffees. Whatever. Every time I go to Starbucks and order, I always pronounce "venti" in as ironic a tone of voice as possible. I don't get their cookies. Their cookies are the size of hubcaps. I don't think that people think they're ingesting actual calories if they get "coffee" at the Starbucks. Or even the cookies. It's like the presence of all that bitter caffeine wipes out any calories which may be lurking in the whipped cream and baked goods.
I wish.
The truth of it is, you might as well go to Burger King and get a Whopper, fries, and a milkshake if you're talking caloric value. I saw a thing the other day about Burger King and how they've changed their menu. One of the spokespersons for Burger King said something like, "People love Burger King. They've just been waiting for a reason to come back."
That's twisted logic there. No. Actually, logic doesn't come into that statement at all.

Well. There are no Burger Kings or Starbucks in Lloyd. We do have a truck stop here AND a Subway. I haven't eaten at the truck stop in about six years nor the Subway either. I bet if I went into either of those places I might see some side-boob because they get a lot of interstate traffic. It probably wouldn't be celebrity side-boob though.

I pass the truck stop on my walk. I frequently see the sartorial gentleman who walks in Lloyd with a cane. He always looks very spiffy. We say, "Good morning," when we pass each other. I think his day requires a visit to the truck stop. I don't know why. He certainly doesn't have a truck. Sometimes he remarks on how fast I walk. Sometimes he remarks on the weather. I have no idea what his name is or where he lives. Sometimes, he is carrying a tall-boy in a paper bag. I have heard a paper bag wrapped around a beer referred to as a "redneck coozy." I guess coozies are, in and of themselves, fairly rednecky. This guy is not a redneck though. He is an African American gentleman and he always looks very put-together, as I said. He is always polite. I don't know why he carries a cane in that he walks very well. Maybe he is like my grandfather who used to carry a cane when he walked in order to poke things with it. Especially on the beach where there are always many things which beg to be poked.

Do I have a point here? No. I do not. I am waiting for Lily to call me to tell me that they are up. I am going to go and get my grandson today. The older one. Before I bring him out to Lloyd to play, though, I am going to hold Gibson. The younger one. I HAVE TO HOLD THAT BABY.

Owen got his hair buzzed off yesterday. Lily sent a picture. Mr. Moon and I almost wept. His hair is beautiful. Was beautiful. Every time he gets his hair cut, he looks older. Oh well. Maybe the new do will make his cheekbones stand out.
I will post pictures.
Owen can help me put the baby chicks in their outdoor coop. It's too cold to do that right now. Even with the heat on in that room and a light bulb over their cage they are huddled together in a pile. They look like a baby-chick rug. This has been the strangest spring ever.

A train is coming. I need to get dressed. With a bra. I'm going to the store before I get to Lily's. No side-boob here. I am getting coffee. I don't care how much it costs, I am going to get Eight O'Clock brand.

I think I may be feeling better. I don't know.

I wish I could tell all of you who wrote and made me feel loved yesterday how much I appreciate it. I'd give you coffee and side-boob if you wanted it.

Good morning.


  1. You have no idea how grateful I am that I can read your blog to keep up-to-date with all the cultural trends. Really, what would happen if I came back to the U.S. this summer and did not know about side-boob? It would be so awful. They would probably not even let me through customs.

  2. we no longer have coffee in cans here- the containers are now paper with a foil cover, which is sad because big coffee cans make the best grease containers! glad you are feeling on the lighter side of things today. you have a truck stop? do you have lot lizards too?


  3. I think the side boob is the new version of the 'peekaboo thong.' Ick. It's interesting that Farty has a new habit of yelling 'BOOBS!' in public, at home, wherever. I just give up, at least he's not grabbing any.

    I'll keep my parts covered, since after having 4 kids, no one needs or wants to see any of them.


  4. I never have understood the boob obsession thing at all. They're simply mammary glands that somehow got twisted into being sexy.

    The side boob thing - anything for attention?

  5. I'll take the coffee but not the side-boob. Honestly.

    I read an article today about chickens and how disgusting one of the biggest raisers of chickens does it. The article mentioned that Burger King is beginning to use chickens that have free range. The world is changing, slowly but surely. Maybe that's also an explanation for the side boob obsession as opposed to the full on frontal.

  6. Just the coffee, please. With a splash of milk.

    So glad you're back and feeling up to blogging. I would have missed the side-boob craze without you--and how could I go on without being informed on side-boob?!

  7. Side boob doesn't thrill me - too close to the armpit.

    I don't like coffee. When I did, I hated Starbucks. I'll leave it there.

    Maybe the guy with the cane sometimes gets dizzy.

    Enjoy your babies.

  8. Miley's looking at the shirt thinking, "hmm, sleeves!"

  9. Side boob, front boob, any boob is good boob.

  10. Heh, side-boob. Always makes me laugh. Possibly cos I heard it first on Family Guy.

    Starbuchs - crappy dry cupcakes. Oh yes. Their iced creamy coffee thingies are pretty orgasmic, I find, but yeah, calorific. I don't indulge.

    Haircut!! I suppose it gets pretty hot in the summer and a hair cut makes sense, but, yeah - his hair's so pretty!

  11. Oh, I forgot, also, my husband has retirement plans, he is deeply looking forward to being an obnoxious old man who pokes everything with his stick. He practices sometimes :)

  12. Side boob. Something about that term creeps me out. It almost sounds like an accessory nipple that grew out of control. (But then I'm a nerdy doctor so take that with a grain of salt.)

  13. My boy looks older with every cut, too. It's hard to hold my heart in when I see him freshly shorn.

    Side-boob. Hm. I suppose next will be under-boob and then we'll be back to cleavage.... assuming this obsession goes clockwise, of course.

    Keep writing, Ms. Moon- pretty please. I will sometimes ask myself, "What would Ms Moon do?" (you could sell a bracelet!) Your words both ground and brighten my days on a regular basis. Weird, right? But there's the beauty of this online community.

    Much love.

  14. Yah, side boob! I'll take any kind of boob I can get. Also, sort of related, mawmaw calls coozies "beer tits."

  15. I like boobs. But having them hang out in public seems sleazy. But Miley Cyrus looks sleazy.

    I think that Starbucks has terrible coffee.

  16. Some days you just do have to hold the baby.

    Paparazzi just don't have anything else better on the horizon.

  17. NOLA- I am here to serve.

    Mrs. A- I don't think we're cool enough to have Lot Lizards at our truck stop. I have a pair of skinks living under my back steps though.

    Brother Wrecking Ball- Men are so easy.

    Rubye Jack- Oh. I worship the boob. And the womb. But that's just me.

    Elizabeth- Someone told me recently that the definition of "free-range" as applies to chicken raising by large corporations is that the chickens are allowed out of their tiny boxes into a slightly larger space for a limited amount of time per day. I hope this is not true but it probably is.

    Denise- Ha! And would that be COW milk you want in your coffee? Just kidding!

    Jeannie- I think it's just part of his cool sartorial thing.
    But maybe he does get dizzy sometimes. Especially after a few tall boys.

    Magnum- Sleeves would be the end of side-boob.

    DTG- We are a boob-oriented family.

    Jo- I don't think I've ever eaten a Starbucks pastry of any sort. But I could be wrong. I know I've never gotten one of their fancy drinks. I think as an old woman I'll want a cane too. Perhaps one with a mermaid carved into the top.

    gradydoctor- You crack me up.

    See Kate Run- You couldn't make me stop writing if you held a gun to my head. So don't worry.

    Daddy B- I had forgotten that about the beer titties or I would have used it!

    Syd- Side boob and Starbucks are both probably highly overrated.

    messymimi- I had SUCH a good time with those babies.

  18. There are a lot of things about celebrity culture that I don't understand, and "side boob" is one of them. (Miley Cyrus too, for that matter.) I'm glad we're obsessed with boobs as a society, though, because that lays the ground work for great comedy like Monty Python!

  19. HA! @ DTG!!

    I'm gonna get a picture of MY side boob! No, really. Side boob coming up! Er, well...I'll need to reach clear above my head but it is in the making, my side boob shot.

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