Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It's Just Life
It's almost time for sleep again and Mr. Moon is home and we had a decent rehearsal tonight. Kathleen is coming to rehearsals now to be our sound effects person and she is going to help with lights. I know she was so tired tonight and she worked all day and I worry about her and end up doing what I should not do and vow not to do which is to tell her that she should be in bed, she shouldn't be stressing herself so much, she should do this, she should not do that....
And then I apologize and tell her I'm sorry. She is a grown woman and can do what she wants. And she accepts my apology and hugs me and I just want the best for her but who knows what that is better than she?
It is so hard sometimes not to try to rule the world.
We are getting there with Steel. We are. We are not quite there yet. I glitched on some lines, went completely blank and I have got to stop doing that. My mind just falls out of itself and I KNOW it's my line but for the life of me, I have no idea what it is.
I know them so well at home.
I swear. I do.
Well. It will come together, the magic will happen. It always does.
And it's cold tonight and I am hoping so hard that tomorrow is clear for Colin's memorial gathering. I don't think I could bear it if it's gray like it's been up until today when the sun came out and pushed all the clouds away. My walk was wonderful and it helped my spirits tremendously. Walking is another sort of magic, I think. It is for me, anyway.
So there it is, this day gone by and tomorrow Owen will be here in the morning and I have missed him so. Lily told me that at her Super Bowl party he got a purse off the floor, put it over his shoulder and walked out of the room saying, "Bye-bye."
Lily said, "Where are you going, Owen? Are you going to work?"
"Uh-huh," he said. Then a few minutes later he walked back into the room with the purse still over his shoulder and said, "Hey!"
A new game to play with him. Going to work and coming home. There are certainly plenty of purses here for him to play with.
He'll be coming with Mr. Moon and Jessie and me to the Opera House for the memorial and I hope he's a good boy. Mr. Moon has promised to walk him if he gets antsy. It'll be okay. It's going to be very informal. There will be food and memories and I wonder how many people will be there. A lot, I think.
Here's a picture of Vergil and Jessie and Colin last year at Kathleen's birthday party. Colin spent half the evening sitting at the table, cracking jokes and making everyone laugh.
And he already knew. He knew.
I love this picture because it so obviously shows how much Jessie adored him. She was adoring him in that picture. And he adored her.
So. Time for sleep. I am so glad to have my man home. I am grateful for the gift of him beyond words. And for my children who keep calling to check on me and for my grandson who makes my heart light, no matter how heavy I think it is, and for friends and the magic of the stage and for this life, this life, this life that I have somehow miraculously fallen into, filled with these people and this love.
All of it is woven together into a cloth which keeps me warm, keeps me safe, touches every part of me and brings me comfort.
All right. Enough of my going on and on.
Another miracle, another bit of magic where we sometimes dream of those we love, both the ones still here and the ones gone on before us and maybe even the ones we've never met or have yet to meet.
Sweet sleeping mind-journey's, y'all.
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love to you too.ReplyDelete
I wish I could give you a hug.
I have Owen pictures to send you from babysitting today. Mr. Adorable in the tub.ReplyDelete
Again you describe such a rich life in all its ups and downs Ms Moon.ReplyDelete
No doubt your dreams reflect this.
Ah I dreamed of you two nights ago. I certainly love you and do hope we are yet to meet. That would be great.ReplyDelete
I loved that photo before and I still love it. Jesse is lucky (and deserving) to have such great men in her life (not to mention her very loving mother).ReplyDelete
Thinking of you today.
Thank you, Ms. Moon, for sharing your life and love with us.ReplyDelete
may the sun open upReplyDelete
and fill you
deb- I sure would take it.ReplyDelete
DTG- He's too darn cute, that boy.
Elisabeth- I guess so. Lord.
Mwa- Aw. Maybe? Who knows?
Michele R- She attracts them!
Spadoman- You are so welcome...
rebecca- I am hoping. Thanks, love.
This made me achey, the end especially.ReplyDelete
I loved hearing the story of Owen and the bag. There's a children's book called Lily and the Purple Plasic Purse. I think she has a brother named Owen.
So glad you have so much love and support around you. I don't think you fell into it so much though, as helped create it.
I love the photo of Jessie, Colin, and Virgil. Damn, Virgil's shirt is LOUD. Wowsa.ReplyDelete
I think that all of it, the service and the play, will come together. I don't mind the gray days because they are mysterious to me. Like life--a mystery--and death--another mystery.ReplyDelete