Friday, February 4, 2011

Bring A Keg, Bird Seed, And Fabric Softener

So Hank-my-son is coming out to stay here at the Farmette to take care of the critters and the house while we are gone.

The critters he is officially responsible for are these:

1. Four dogs. Pearl, Buster, Dolly and Zeke.

2. Six chickens. Elvis, Shalayla, Mabel, Daffodil, Miss Bob and Miss Dolly. (Yes, I have two animals with the same name. It's confusing except that one is a chicken and one is a dog, which is not really that confusing when you think about it and I named Miss Dolly the Chicken that because she has a very large chicken-breast and Dolly Parton has a very large human-breast. Get it?)

3. One cat. Luna. Sometimes there is another cat who comes along to eat too. His name, according to Mr. Moon is Ballsy. I thought I heard him say "Baldy" which made no sense since the animal has a lot of hair but believe me- "Ballsy" is an accurate physical description.

The unofficial creatures which Hank will be taking care of (should he choose to do so) are the wild birds. There have been so many of them this year and even Owen enjoys watching them. "Bird!" he announces cheerfully as he stands on the chair in the dining room in front of the window which looks out to the feeder. So Hank- don't be afraid to take out some seeds for the birds. You will be richly rewarded. If you like to look at birds.

When Hank comes over he usually brings a carful of washing to do. This is fine with me. And I have the giant, family-sized container of detergent but I am running low on fabric softener. Just saying, Hank...

So while Mr. Moon and I are down in Apalachicola, watching the river to make sure it flows correctly, eating oysters and drinking beer and coffee and perhaps doing a little bit of shopping and whatever, Hank will be here, playing with the Wii, feeding the animals, doing the laundry and for all I know, having every one of his gozillion friends over for a party.
And as long as they clean up I don't care at all. This house is a pretty fine party house, I have to admit. When we were all in the kitchen the other night I announced that my kitchen is now the official Opera House Stage Company Community Kitchen and that I want a plaque! The only problem with the party-house thing is that although this house has countless rooms, people seem to gravitate to either the kitchen or the back porch. This is the way it goes.

So Hank- bring fabric softener. There is venison in the freezer and there are greens and onions in the garden. There are plenty of farm-fresh eggs in the refrigerator. Throw the chickens some corn when you let them out in the morning but give the cat(s) time to eat her food before you do that because as you know, the chickens will run like hell to the catfood and scarf it all up and the cat will stand there and whine and be hungry all day long if you don't. Give her some more food when you close the chickens up at night. The spray bottle of Fabuloso is on the counter for cleaning up after dog pees and poops and there are extra paper towels in the cabinet in the laundry room. You know- the one the door fell off of? Make sure to close both doors into the chicken house at night. They are going to roost a little after six these days. Shalayla will let you hug and pet her before you close the doors.

If you get a keg, please put it outside or on the porch.

What I don't know won't hurt me.

Don't let anyone fall of the top of the stairs. I MEAN IT! Same with burning the house down. That would not be a good idea.

See you on Sunday. I have to be back around two to make it to rehearsal.

Have fun. Feed the birds.

Don't drink the gin. That is Kathleen's.

Collect the eggs in the chicken house. I have been getting about three a day.

I love you. Thanks. And remember- the mop is hanging over the clothesline.

Love...Your Mama


  1. I sent you a good morning e-mail, but then I read this and realized you are probably gone already.

    Have fun! Safe travels. I love you!!!!


  2. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Hell, we'll be lucky to get out of here before noon. Thankfully, Apalachicola is not that far away. I love you too!

  3. Dogs, check. Chickens, check. Wild birds, check. Laundry, check and check. Keg, check.

    Ha, like I'm gonna haul a keg all the way out to Lloyd. These days, most of my friends drink Jack. Ha! I do hope to have a little company Saturday night, but we're all past the falling down stairs stage in our lives. Knock on wood.

    Y'all have fun! I'll hold down the fort.

  4. DTG- I know you will. I sure do love you.

  5. I sure love you. And dad! Give each other hugs for me.

  6. Whew. A lot to do. Hank, enjoy being home alone!

  7. those are VERY exotic birds to an Englishman let me tell you...


    that cat sounds interesting!

  8. I know you will have a wonderful time!

  9. I love this To-Do-List Blog between you and DTG! He is a Dear Son and you are a Dear Mother. May you both have un buen fin de semana! x0 N2

  10. Hank~ One more thing... If you do have that party, don't forget to invite the neighbors!


    tee hee!

    Ms Moon, I know you will have a fine time. Say hi to the river for me.

  11. And please feel free to enjoy the gin, I left there to share. Kathleen

  12. Somehow I just knew Miss Kathleen would say that.


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