Sunday, February 6, 2011

I Cannot Get The Font Right Here And I Can't Help But Wonder If Someone Is Toying With Me. (Colin- Stop It!)

We were on our way home from Apalachicola this afternoon and I got a call from Marcy, the lady in the chair in that picture above. She'd gotten an e-mail and knew that I hadn't gotten it yet and she didn't want me to get to rehearsal this afternoon without knowing that our Colin had died.

This was part of the e-mail that was waiting for me when I got home and I am glad that I heard the words from Marcy before I got it:

We are writing to notify you that yesterday evening, our friend, father, uncle, and brother Colin Thomas Rolfe died peacefully amidst loving family members. He kept saying to us amidst laughter, smiles, and tears “how lucky I am”. And as we all know, we were incredibly lucky as well to have known and loved him. "How lucky I am." That is our Colin. He did the very hard work of dying, saying how lucky he was.
And he died the way he lived- on his own terms.

I somehow can't believe it. It just doesn't seem possible. And I know I keep saying this but it's true. Colin? Dead? No way. What right does death have to come and take our Colin?
Ah well. Death has its right to take us all, no matter what we think.

But BEFORE the Super Bowl?
Colin did not plan this well. That man loved his football.
And his golf.
And his cat. And spread sheets. He made spread sheets for everything including his exercise. When he knew he was going on vacation, he would do extra exercise beforehand so that he could check his spreadsheet off before he went with a clear conscience. It made perfect sense to him.
And his women. All the women he'd ever loved. And making lasagna and beef stew and bread by hand. He made the best pound cake.
And he loved his plane and flying. Oh- Colin flying. I am SO grateful I got to go up in a plane with Colin Rolfe at the helm. He was so happy. One would think that one would have the tiniest bit of trepidation, going up into the air in a tiny plane with a one-eyed man at the controls.

But oh hell no. And as I recall, I was anxious about everything that day, the day we went out to the house Colin built, for a party and we all took turns going up with Colin in his plane but I was not in the least anxious about getting in that plane with that man. Colin was one of those people with whom you would trust your life in any situation. And so, I did. And we flew.

We flew.

He showed us his house that day. The house he had designed and worked on. The house that had its own hanger and landing strip. The house that had a hot tub where he would soak and look at the stars and be happy, especially if he had a beautiful woman in there with him.

Well. I hope there is a hot tub in heaven, even though I don’t believe in heaven. I remember back last year sometime and we had a party and Colin was here and he sat in the library with me and he wanted to talk about what happens after we die.

“Nothing,” I think I told him. “That’s what I think, anyway. I think that we all join again in the energy of the universe and that makes me happy enough. That's enough for me.”

He wanted more than that, though. And thinking about that now, I feel certain that he already knew then.

Well. Colin.

I love how in the e-mail it said that Colin died.
He didn’t pass on or cross over or go to meet the Lord. He died. I betcha he told them to say that. There was no mention of “a long battle.” There was no battle. When they told him that the cancer had spread and that there was no hope, he accepted, he did what needed to be done, and then he died.

We should all have a death like that. On our own terms.

Well, Colin may be dead but Bud The Stud will live forever. That mugging, prat-falling, under shorts-showing, crotch diving, weeping,

crazy man who had a bouquet of flowers waiting in the dressing room for all of his Sex Please, We’re Sixty lady co-stars.
With a note for all of us.

That was Colin. That joyful man for whom death came and so callously and casually collected last night.

I don’t know what happens when we die but I do know that energy is neither created nor destroyed and boy oh boy. If Colin energy is floating around right now, free of worry and human-body gravity, there’s going to be some good floating around. Some real good. Some joyful, bungi-jumping, show-stealing, best-manners-in-the-world, gracious, incredibly intelligent, hysterically funny good energy floating around.

Say amen. Say God Bless. Say get on wit’ your bad self.

There’s going to be a memorial service at the Opera House on Wednesday afternoon and of course I’ll be there. I’ll be thinking of the afternoon that there was a memorial service there for Jan’s daddy and how Colin was dressed in a suit and tie because that’s what you do if you're a man and raised right and how I was a little bit late and when I got there, I went right up to Colin and he put his arm around me and I thought about how lucky I was to know such a man.You have no idea how many kindnesses I've seen that man perform. You have no idea how many dirty jokes he told me.


So very lucky.

So bless your heart, Colin Rolfe. Fly on free. You already know how to fly so you’ve probably already gone through the short line, probably already taken off, spirit free and joyful. It always was and I bet ever it shall be.

I love you, Colin. Me and about ten thousand others. Thanks for the good energy. Thanks for the light. Thanks for the joy. Thanks for the many times you made me laugh. Thanks for it all. Thanks for being Colin.



  1. Beautiful words Mary. I've done so much smiling and crying today, even as I was reading this. I think I'll miss that charming smile the most. I can't even think how to finish this comment, and that's how it's been most of the day.

  2. Such a beautiful tribute. I am so sorry for your loss of this dear loved man.

  3. I believe in heaven, and I believe your Colin is there. I do.

    His is the epitome of a life well lived. Bless your heart, MM, for the loss of your friend and for being so caring and loving to everyone around you.

    Even me.

  4. I'm sorry Mary.

    I wasn't expecting that. Not this soon I mean. I don't guess anyone was.

    Not that I was close with him, but he was such a bubbly presence and I can't imagine the Opera House or gatherings at your place without him.

    I'm sad. I hope to be at the memorial.
    xoxo m

  5. Ms Moon, thank you for sharing your wonderful memories of your friend. You have given him a beautiful eulogy and I'm sure Colin (wherever he may be) is having a great time.

  6. i am so sorry about the loss of your friend. in my life i can only hope to leave that kind of impact on others. thank you for sharing him with us.


  7. Oh were lucky to know him and him to know you. Take care and I love you!

  8. This was a genuine pleasure- joy, even- to read. I mean, so much richness. And the man looked great in a bow tie.

  9. Beautiful pictures, beautiful, sad, heartfelt and funny words. Thanks for sharing your Colin with us. He sure looks handsome in your photos. I hope your happy memories and full heart help fill the loss of such a fine man.

  10. Rock on, Colin.

    And rock on, Mary Moon.


  11. Oh Mary, bless your heart. And Colin's. And to all of you who loved him so much. Here's to "some very good floating around"...

  12. I love how Colin claimed he was never in love with anyone in his life, because the man sure did love big, and certainly seemed to love many, many women.
    Anyway, I just thought that was funny.

    It's hard for me to wrap my mind around this death because Colin was always so much alive. I don't like to think of the world without him in it, but it gives me comfort to think of his energy out in the universe, flying... and so that's what I'm doing.
    Sure do love you, Colin! I'm so glad you were in my life.

  13. Jon- I understand. Love you.

    Angella- Thanks, baby.

    DTG- Love you.

    SJ- It is what it is and I love you.

    Ms. Fleur- I think that a lot of us will be there.

    Mel's Way- I hope so. I do.

    Mrs. A- Honey. You will.

    Terry- I miss you, dammit. I do.

    Maggie May- Didn't he? Ah yes. He did.

    Mel- I'm still boggling that he's gone.

    Ms. Trouble- And rock on, you, too.

    Lulumarie- Damn. I am so sorry you never got to meet him. Thanks, baby.

    HoneyLuna- Well. He sure did love you. He praised your beauty all the time. Thanks for being the sort of girl who could love someone like Colin. I love you, baby.

  14. Your words so kind, so loving towards someone who meant so much to you. We don't meet to many special folks like that in our lifetime, so when we do it is noted on our hearts. Those are the ones we can count on, those are the ones we look forward to seeing and being in their presence. Your words, yours words...I know not this man but I understand the value of him...if all death could be on ones own terms...

    Now go and hold Mr. Moon and he hold

  15. beautiful tribute to a passionate life well lived.
    thank you for giving us a glimmer of his beauty.
    i am so deeply happy for all the lives he touched.

    love to you mary....

  16. I'm weeping, reading this. Love to you and all of Colin's people.

  17. A good obituary of a stranger makes you wish you'd know that person. This was an excellent obituary. I'm sorry you lost your good friend.

  18. that was a beautiful eulogy, Ms Moon

    like Mwa said, makes me wish i had been so privileged to know him too


  19. I am so amazed and glad how he told y'all last week and this past Wed you were able to reach him and tell him again how you feel about him. Amazing. And I am so sorry that he is no longer on this earth. You wrote a beautiful tribute, but most importantly you told him when you could.

  20. Sounds like a man I wish I knew. Thanks for bringing him alive to me. Even in his death.


  21. I'm so sorry to hear about your wonderful dear friend. This is such a lovely tribute and after reading your words, I feel as if I knew him too.

  22. Sweet Ms Moon, thank you for saying what all of us are feeling with the loss of our Colin. Our Colin, that is all I keep thinking, that and it does help to talk about him, hear others write so lovingly and to be near the rest of our group that thought of Colin as ours. Kathleen

  23. What a great photo of Colin and Mr. Moon. Now that he's not tethered to a dumb old body, Colin is probably flying all over the Universe.

    God speed to him.

    I love you, Mary.


  24. Ellen- Mr. Moon and I have been holding on TIGHT! Believe me.

    rebecca- He was something very special. I love being able to share him here.
    Thank-you, love.

    Elizabeth- If you had met him, you would be one of his people too. I promise you.

    Mwa- Oh. Thank-you. I am so glad I DID know him.

    Michelle- Honey, he would have tried to get you in his hot tub. I know that for sure.

    Michele R- And that is a blessing.

    Perovskia- Thanks. I am grateful for you and for everyone taking the time to comment here today because each comment is like a balm to my soul.

    Lois- What I said above- to you too.

    Kathleen- He was ours and weren't we lucky? I love you, baby.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I think so. But I have to tell you that his body was pretty cute. I do love the tall, lanky men.

  25. Reading backwards.
    Crying at work.
    I think too just saying "died" is best. I don't like all that other junk.
    I love your Colin stories.
    I love how you loved and knew him.

  26. just quieted really.
    so sorry.

    and you know, there will be a little piece of Colin in this blessed reader now.

  27. He died on his own terms. There is a lot to be said for that. I hope that I am so lucky. And I do believe that the release of energy is heaven. It joins the air and is apart of all the other living things. Wonderful to think about really.

  28. Oh. I'm so sorry, Mary. This makes me so sad, even amidst the beautiful celebration of his life you're doing. I'm so sorry.

  29. I am very sorry for your loss. You wrote wonderful things about him. Hugs to you.

  30. What a lovely tribute to a man you clearly adored. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

  31. I found this blog by accident. I came back to it every few hours and it couldn't read more than a bit at a time. Colin was a friend not an Uncle. He told it like it was and never apologized for being human. I'm not going to be able to make the Opera House tomorrow, but I want everyone to know that spending time with Colin was a special gift and no one likes having their favorite present taken away.

    I'm going to watch Arthur tomorrow night with friends and I'm hoping Colin will stop by to liven things up.

  32. I am so sorry Mrs. Moon!
    I love his smile and his aura ... he looks like a wonderful and kind person and your words confirm that.
    He'll be in your Opera House tomorrow, flying above all of you laughing and smiling and having a ball. I am sure of it!
    I am so sorry dear Mrs. Moon!
    Love hurts ... sometimes ...

  33. Sirphil- Colin was your uncle? And friend, of course.
    I am so sorry for this loss of yours. I can't imagine having that present taken away. You're right- that's exactly how it is.
    I'll be thinking of you today.


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