Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Thoughts, Links, Pictures, Etc. Mostly Completely Unrelated

Elvira and Lisa Marie 
Among Others

Yesterday when I was with the boys at their house, we were outside and a pick-up truck which seemed abnormally huge and high off the ground stopped and a passel of teens spilled out of it. In my mind, the image I have is that the truck was so high they had to parachute out but of course, that was not the case. They were all wearing orange T-shirts and the printed word which popped out on all of them was GOD and I thought, Oh, Jesus, and sure enough, they paired off in twos and headed to various houses on the street and one fellow and his buddy headed our way and I groaned inside.
"Hi!" said the obviously more outgoing one. "We're just inviting everyone to a block party!" And he proceeded to tell us where the party would be (a park about five miles away) and he gave us a printout with details and dazzled Owen with the promise of clowns and a bouncy house and hot dogs! "We're inviting everyone!" he said. 
My god but he was enthusiastic. 
"I don't live here," I said. 
"Where DO you live?" he asked and I wanted to smack the crap out of him. What the fuck business was it of some cheerful, god-filled sixteen year old where I lived? None. None of his business. 
"You should come too!" he said. "Here! Would you like an invitation?" and he thrust one at me. 
"No," I said. "No thank you." And then he handed Owen a plastic bag with stuff about their church in it and some plastic crap, also with the name of their church on it. Orange plastic crap.
Just then Lily pulled into the driveway and the boy and his buddy moved on to possibly more fertile pastures and I had to explain to Owen what was going on and he, being a wise five-year old said, "Do they want money?"
"Well, not really. They just want you to come to their church."
"Oh," he said. And we were pretty much done with that conversation but I was thinking later that going to a "party" like that would probably be my worst nightmare on earth. People. People I don't know. Lots of them (possibly). Cheerful Jesus people. At a cheerful Jesus "block" party. 
I mean- can you imagine? I would literally rather dig ditches to lay PVC to hook up a washing machine than attend such an event. Through roots. In this weather. 
Yeah, throw me that shovel and the posthole digger. 
I'm glad these teens have something to do on summer days which doesn't involve video games and, oh, I don't know, joining the American Nazi Party but honestly. 
I'm such an old cynical bitch. I know it too.

So I've been thinking about that and how so many Christians just feel so entitled to go around and try to recruit. To save souls. To...what? Fill their pews? 
As I've said, if I walked around and tried to get people interested in my spirit totem, Keith Richards, I'd probably be arrested. 
Thankfully, I do not feel compelled to do that. 

But that's just one of the things I've thought about today. 
Here's something else:
I am completely incapable of going to the library and not coming out with some real books. I can't do it. I was just "going to look" at the new arrivals section in Fiction when I went in yesterday and came out with the new Ann Packer and a Thomas McGuane. I'm already completely immersed in the Ann Packer. I have decided that I simply MUST learn to download audio books from the library. I just have to. 
And I will. I will. I'm pretty sure that I can figure that out. 

I was at the trash depot today and the feral cats who live there came out to see if I had anything for them. One of them looks like Maurice's doppelganger. One wonders. Speaking of Maurice, I have become a bit weary of her waking me up at least twice a night. She bats at the window above my head and I figured out last night that this does not always mean she wants in. Sometimes she's merely killing bugs. And when she does come in, she leaps up on the bed and wanders around and rarely these days does she settle down and offer me any love. Although she did last night. I think she knows when I'm reaching my limits of patience. This afternoon, however, she did that thing where she wanted me to pet her and then she sunk her teeth and cruel claws into my arm and honestly- I'm slightly allergic to cats and I swell up and itch like crazy where she's attacked me. 
You know I love her. And when I say "love" her I mean I live for the nights when she's affectionate and we both fall asleep while I stroke her soft head. The other day I swept the library and found three lizard skeletons and a skink head. 

Okay. So since I ate those mushrooms? I haven't had but one day of anxiety. I mean, I get worried and concerned but it's not the crazy I'm-losing-my-mind sort of anxiety. Again I say- anecdotal evidence from one person but...
Just telling you the truth. 

There's a local magazine called, amazingly, Tallahassee Magazine and they did an article this month about local trivia nights and my son, HANK THE TRIVIA MASTER is featured. 
Here. Let me see if I can embed this.

Link? Link?

Page 133.

Lily is doing okay. This is just a situation we're going to have to deal with. I wish with all of my heart we weren't. It's hard enough to be pregnant and have two little boys and a job and a house and home and all of the attendant worries without phlebitis too. But, it is what it is and Lily is amazing and she is going to do whatever it takes and so will we all to help.

I may or may not be heading out of town soon. All is well but surgery was involved and as we all know, I don't do parties very well but I am not bad at tending those I love.

All right. Here's some pictures.

Some tomatoes. See that big purple one? I hope to make that into a sandwich for Mr. Moon tomorrow morning for his breakfast. It's bigger than a baby's head. Hell, it's bigger than George Clooney's wife's butt.

The bread I hope to make his sandwich on.

Maurice the orange-ass-cat playing with yard-long green beans.

And now one more because I think it is a spectacular picture.

That is Bill Wharton, aka The Sauce Boss, who was about the third person I met the day I moved to Tallahassee. Check out his link. 
If he's playing anywhere near you, go see him. He'll fill you with the spirit better than any Jesus party anyone could ever attend and I would not lie to you. 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. That article is so cool! Go Hank!!!!

  2. Are the new chickens integrating into the flock?
    Glad to hear the mushrooms have helped with the anxiety. Plant based things are good.

  3. Love the article on Hank. My husband is a regular at some of our local trivia's so I read him part of the article. :-)

  4. Oh. And Hank has an awesome blog that he has to update way more often.

  5. You are the most entertaining person I know.
    I may fall off reading sometimes. But when I am feeling lost and lonely or just need some cheering up, it's so amazingly wonderful to know you are right there, still talking to me all along. It's probably the most consistent thing I've ever had in my life, and it means so much to me. Thank you for talking. Thank you for making me giggle when I feel like crying at another summer alone (oh woe is me). Thank you for all the fantastic images, that beginning part with the teens parachuting from the truck was so fantastic, all that orange and cheerfulness, oy! But you render it so perfectly. Thank you for continuing to take out real books. Let me know if you need audiobook downloading help. Does your library system use Overdrive? if so, just download the Overdrive app, so simple. If they offer Hoopla, that's even easier. That tomato! You make me happy.

  6. Oh how I despise the Jesus brigades. Trying to indoctrinate little kids via bribery is disgusting. I fear I may have said some very rude things to those boys, although I do feel sympathy for teenagers who are being used as tools by their churches.

  7. You are such a gifted story teller, telling us the daily happenings of your life. I admire how forthright you are, never holding back from your own truth, being so authentically you. I hope Lily's pregnancy progresses well in spite of the phlebitis. She seems to be such a sensible, well balanced young woman and with all of you looking out for her, she will hopefully be fine. Congratulations to Hank!

  8. The trivia professional! Now there's a fantastic job. I love quizzes.

    The mushroom thing makes sense to me - I can feel fine or completely crazy, with circumstances being exactly the same. I always feel chemistry must play a role.

  9. the jesus bouncy house leaves a bad taste in my mouth as well. we just watched a movie on netflix about a kid who fakes being a christian evangelical to finance his last year of law school-'believe me', it was actually pretty interesting.

    i miss trivia- i wish we could play via skype with your kid!


  10. What a wonderful article about Hank and his trivia. Congratulations, Hank! You're one person old Gov. Ricky couldn't keep down. Bless your sweet heart.

  11. I love your hilarious description of the Jesus-filled party recruiters. I am with you every step of the way on that one. Christianity wouldn't be nearly so odious to me if it didn't involve "spreading the Gospels" or whatever they call it. (And yes, other religions proselytize too, but Christians seem especially adept.)

    I'll check out that Hank article! And I'm also sorry about Lily and the phlebitis. That's got to be unpleasant.

  12. Angella- Hank is pretty much the definition of "cool."

    Allison- Yes and yes!

    Birdie- Hank's trivia is the most fun time ever. I swear. He's a master. And yes- he does need to update his blog but he's so busy. Writing trivia questions. Mostly.

    Bethany- I LOVE YOU!!!!! I think I can figure it out. I mean- how hard can it be? But I'll let you know if I need help. You are such an angel in my life.

    Jennifer- Exactly. I was fixing to wind-up on that kid but Owen was right there and well...
    You know.

    Desiree- Lily is amazing. As a mother, as a person, as a friend, as a daughter, as a wife. I am so proud of her. As I am of all my kids.

    Mwa- I think I got a little beneficial re-wiring accomplished. I really do.

    Mrs. A- Now there's a thought! I'll mention it to Hank!

    Jan- Hello love! Yep. Prick Scott did Hank a favor. He hated that job. He's so much happier. And actually makes a better income now. And has health insurance. (Thanks, Obama!)
    I love you. Give my love to your sweetie, too.

    Steve Reed- It's genetic, I'm sure. And I think that those people believe that if they can convince others about their Imaginary Sky Friend, then maybe he's real. You know?

  13. Mrs. A: Come on down and you can play any time, but I just don't do the Skype.

  14. I love your analogies today. Tomatoes biggern' a baby's head and that very specific ditch digging one. Nice :)

    I hope Lily's home birth doesn't get jeopardised :(

  15. I love your analogies today. Tomatoes biggern' a baby's head and that very specific ditch digging one. Nice :)

    I hope Lily's home birth doesn't get jeopardised :(

  16. I'm sitting in my little cabin laughing my fanny off at that truck full of Jessus paratrooping teenagers and your response.

  17. That Hank- You should do a Hank Trivia Week Vacay thing. Trivia tourism?

    Jo- That's what we're hoping. That this doesn't interfere with her wonderful midwife care.

    Elizabeth- Nothing in the world could make me much happier than that image.

  18. the mushroom thing? there is clinical evidence to back that up. I say eat more mushrooms.

    the missionary zeal thing? I hate it. I think it is rude and dismissive. and arrogant.

  19. I will not deal with the proselytizing Christians. It is such an incredible turn off to me. I believe that they need to worry about their own souls and look deep within. Leave me the hell alone.


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