I got out my biggest pot today and boiled two chickens in it for chicken and dumplings.
I sliced most of a bunch of celery, a container of mushrooms, an entire package of carrots, three or four onions, all the green beans and yard-long beans in the garden, and added them to the broth. I picked the meat from the bones and threw that back in and added two packages of whatever-kind-of-frozen dumplings I use, one at a time, stirring gently and let it all simmer.
We shall eat some tonight and I am taking some to the new mama tomorrow and to Lily as well. It is more chicken-stew with dumplings than simply chicken and dumplings and it would offend a traditional southern cook but it is the way I like them.
I swear to god, this took me most of the day although I did take another nap. Anxiety has crawled my ass and I don't know why (full moon? suggested a friend) and sometimes, when I'm having it, I just go to sleep to get a break from it and sometimes it reboots the mind and sometimes it doesn't but it's always a relief just to escape it. And I am always so grateful I can sleep. To lie down on the bed, phones turned off, light dim as a cave, the curtain cracked a tiny bit in order to read a few pages, the setting down of the book, the closing of my eyes and the quick-quick coming of darkness.
I am not good at living with anxiety. I will do almost anything to escape it. I realize this is not the healthiest way to do things but it is the way I do it. The way I am.
Hank made it safely to Pennsylvania. He is having a good time. Mr. Moon is getting loaded up to go deep-sea fishing tomorrow. I will make a salad here in a few moments to go with our chicken stew and dumplings. Tomorrow I will deliver food after I take a walk. I will go to the library and turn in "A Feast For Crows." I will put "A Dance of Dragons" on reserve. I might take May "A God in Ruins" for her to read because I have finished it.
Walking, cooking, books, sleep. My children, my husband, my chickens, my garden.
Holding on with whatever I have.
The moon will rise, this will pass.
The dumplings will be good. And I will be able to sleep again.