Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Full Moon?

I got out my biggest pot today and boiled two chickens in it for chicken and dumplings.

I sliced most of a bunch of celery, a container of mushrooms, an entire package of carrots, three or four onions, all the green beans and yard-long beans in the garden, and added them to the broth. I picked the meat from the bones and threw that back in and added two packages of whatever-kind-of-frozen dumplings I use, one at a time, stirring gently and let it all simmer. 

We shall eat some tonight and I am taking some to the new mama tomorrow and to Lily as well. It is more chicken-stew with dumplings than simply chicken and dumplings and it would offend a traditional southern cook but it is the way I like them. 

I swear to god, this took me most of the day although I did take another nap. Anxiety has crawled my ass and I don't know why (full moon? suggested a friend) and sometimes, when I'm having it, I just go to sleep to get a break from it and sometimes it reboots the mind and sometimes it doesn't but it's always a relief just to escape it. And I am always so grateful I can sleep. To lie down on the bed, phones turned off, light dim as a cave, the curtain cracked a tiny bit in order to read a few pages, the setting down of the book, the closing of my eyes and the quick-quick coming of darkness. 
I am not good at living with anxiety. I will do almost anything to escape it. I realize this is not the healthiest way to do things but it is the way I do it. The way I am. 

Hank made it safely to Pennsylvania. He is having a good time. Mr. Moon is getting loaded up to go deep-sea fishing tomorrow. I will make a salad here in a few moments to go with our chicken stew and dumplings. Tomorrow I will deliver food after I take a walk. I will go to the library and turn in "A Feast For Crows." I will put "A Dance of Dragons" on reserve. I might take May "A God in Ruins" for her to read because I have finished it. 

Walking, cooking, books, sleep. My children, my husband, my chickens, my garden. 
Holding on with whatever I have. 

The moon will rise, this will pass. 

The dumplings will be good. And I will be able to sleep again. 


  1. And I will be here, with love for you.

  2. Tonight I will make jambalaya. And I also had anxiety today that made me cry and how hopeless it makes me feel. So I had a nap. It made me a little less tired but not less anxious. I got up and went to the library and took out Still Life by Joy Fielding. I am hoping it is a good one.
    I have a pharmacist that is kind and caring like your dentist. We talked about my anxiety and how it is related to gut health. Apparently low serotonin is related to gut problems. All he suggested was take acidophilus and that somehow helps with the digestion of my anti-depressant.

  3. I am glad you are able to sleep when the anxiety is high. Whatever gives you some relief is a good thing. Do the feelings seem worse when your husband is going to be away?

    Your chicken stew looks SO good. I should make some soon. With dumplings, too.

  4. Oh Lordy, I wish I could sleep. That part of my life is not going well.

  5. I was going to make soup for dinner tonight, but Henry had to get toe surgery and it took forever. We stopped at a place called Top Round and brought home chicken sandwiches and french fries.

    I am wondering what FROZEN DUMPLINGS are. Biscuits? Pasta? I am intrigued, and your chicken stew with dumplings looks delicious.

  6. It does me some good to know your girls are seeing a midwife...

    Anxiety is doing the backstroke in my guts, leaving for the UK in 9 days.

    If this visits your corner of the world, go see What We Do in The Shadows. Extremely funny vampire movie from New Zealand.

    Love and all,


  7. Oh my goodness - down to the reading of a few pages and then setting the book down when sleep sets in, I do the exact same thing. I find it such a hopeful thing that we are so alike in many ways.
    Enjoy "A Dance of Dragons!" I keep hoping he will finish the next one.

  8. The soup looks terrific! Sorry about the anxiety, but as you said, this too shall pass.

  9. my eyes must not be working right. I swear I read you used frozen dumplings.

  10. Sleeeep, it's my favourite cure. Embrace it, I say.

    And soooouup.

    Elizabeth, how can you not know what dumplings are?

    I think dumpling might be my favourite word.

  11. Just reading about all the anxiety that readers have on here reminds me that I may need to uncomplicate my life more. I get anxious when I overload with too much to do. And the when I give those things up, it seems like I am isolating. Oh well...whatever works I guess.

  12. I had an awful day yesterday and did not consider the moon. I guess one must blame what one can. At my husband's behest I am trying to read these Game of Thrones books. It is not going well for me, sadly.

  13. Angella- Thank you. I am so grateful for that.

    Birdie- I think that "gut-health" is the new thing and it may well be incredibly important but I don't think we know enough about it yet to actually make diagnoses for something like anxiety using that as a factor. But please let me know if that helps you. As you are aware- I look for hope anywhere.

    jenny_o- This was just a day trip so I don't think that had much to do with it. Hell, I just don't know anymore.

    Allison- If I could not sleep I could not handle life. I swear.

    Elizabeth- Basically, they are very wide noodles. Frozen in pre-cut strips. They're delicious, I have to say.

    Beth- My girls grew up knowing and loving midwives and wanting home births. So there you go!
    I checked out that trailer. It looks wonderful and very, very funny.
    Oh goodness- you are going to have the best time but the part before you get there can be so incredibly stressful.

    Mwa- I reserved it at the library today. It will take awhile to get here. It's okay. I can be patient.

    Steve Reed- The damn thing is, is that when I'm in the middle of it I can logically KNOW it will pass but it sure doesn't seem like it.

    Ellen Abbott- My yankee dumplings are great but I do not have the hand for the southern ones. That's why I use frozen. They're damn good.

    Jo- Elizabeth just didn't know about frozen dumplings. Because she's a real chef.
    Sleep. My favorite activity.

    Syd- It is a very delicate balance which I am very much aware of in my own life. It's hard, isn't it?

    Ms. Vesuvius- As you know, I am LISTENING to these books. I am not sure I would have the patience to actually read them on paper. But as listening material, they are wonderful.


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