Mr. Moon In His Adventure Shorts
We did get those kids out of our bed and we did take a nap and it was lovely.
Another one of those bittersweet holidays for me, although this one far more sweet than bitter. But still.
My friend Togi wrote this on Facebook today:
"When's the holiday for children neglected by their fathers? Whens that one roll around? Did i miss it? I didnt even get a card.
Oh, Daddy. Where'd you go?
I swear to god. I missed having a dad so much. Which set me up to be the perfect potential victim for the man who sexually abused me. "What? I get a new daddy? Oh my GOD! I love you, New Daddy!"
So yeah, on the one hand, Father's Day does dredge up some shit.
But then Togi wrote this on Facebook:
I grew up in a neighborhood where Dads were a rarity. And commonly the households that had one were abusive. I admittedly have a skewed view on Fatherhood but it works in both directions. Good fathers are actually one of the things that move me most. I am at an age now where a lot of my friends have become Fathers . And i am proud to say most seem to be doing a really great job. I have friends that had great examples to follow , I even have friends that are better Dads because they were failed by their own, I have Gay Dad friends,I have straight Dad friends,I have cis and Trans Dad friends,I am kind of surrounded by good Dads at this stage of life and that makes me really proud. To all of those taking the time, I LOVE you. You help renew my faith in the male species and human evolution. Good work fellas.
Do you see why I love Togi? I have such smart friends. Such thinking friends. Such good-hearted friends. Such love-filled friends.
And I know so many good fathers. I am married to the best, of course, and Jason? Honey, you couldn't ask for a better dad than that man. Vergil's about to show his stuff in the father department and I have no doubt he's going to be the exact best papa that his children could ever wish for. Jessie chose him because she knew she wanted him to be her children's daddy. I'm so proud of my girls for being so clear about the sort of fathers they wanted for their babies. My ex has been a fine father, too.
Since I'm quoting Facebook posts today let me share what Hank wrote:
I'm a lucky man in a lot of ways, and one of the biggest pieces of luck I've ever fallen into is that I have two great dads. On paper, they couldn't be much more different - the hunter jock and the guitar playing rocker. But my mom knows a good thing when she finds one, because they are both packed with love, understanding, and the ability to do anything they turn their minds to. Dads, I love you.
I think of Billy and what an incredible dad he is. I see pictures on Facebooks of men I knew as a child who were such good fathers. The ones I yearned to have. Fathers of friends, my uncles. I think about what fine men they were. I am so glad I knew them, that although they were not my fathers, they somehow intuited that I needed a tiny bit of a good, sweet male energy that I didn't even know existed. I think of my grandfather who was as close to a father figure as I had until my father-in-law came into my life and stepped into that role like the daddy he was.
He was love personified. And good in every molecule.
If my own father did a lot to destroy my faith in the very concept of fatherhood, if my stepfather cemented the lid shut on it, then I have to give such great good thanks for the men whom I have known who gently reminded me that not all men are like that. That there were men who not only loved and protected and adored their children, but also loved and protected the children's mamas.
Thus, family actually WAS possible.
And of course, my husband is the one who ripped the lid off the grave of my belief in good fathers and set free the possibility and then the reality for me.
This truly is the miracle of my life. That I have grown up to have one of the most incredibly loving and supportive and strong and funny and generous and unique families in the entire world.
That the love of a father has been made apparent and real to me for all of these years. That the love of a husband has been made real and apparent for all of these years.
And frankly, that somehow, I had the ability to marry the man I married and to stay friends with my ex and then become good friends with his amazing wife so that our family, instead of having a crippled limb, is a family that has strong and good roots and limbs too.
And so, Father's Day may have its bittersweet way with me when I retreat back to the little girl I was, although I may be achingly jealous of all the people on Facebook who have posted such loving tributes to their Good Daddies, the absolute sweet part is overwhelming and I know that if I had to do it all over again under the same circumstances, I could not have made better choices.
I could not have been more lucky.
So. Here's to the great, good men who loved and love their children so well. And let me mention that there are a whole lot of mothers out there who fill the role of father to their children to and do an amazing job of it.
I love all of you. You make this world a better place in every way.
You are all my heroes. And the fact that I get to live with and love my own personal favorite father in the world, even though he is not mine (and trust me- I don't get that confused) is simply stunning to me. And I never forget that.