Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Bits And Pieces

Sitting here trying to stone myself into some sense of reality with the internet which, of course, is a completely ridiculous idea. I'd be much better off walking in the woods and I'll do that in a little while.

My dreams this morning were so horrendous that I'm thinking a partial lobotomy may be in order. Not really.
Listen: When you are sexually abused as a child, one of the long-lasting gifts is your fear that your own children or children under you care will also be abused. That was the gist of one of my dreams. Profound damage. Things that no matter how well you learn to "deal" with things will always be there. At the age of 61 I am still angry about what was done to me and anyone who makes light of the horrific effects of childhood abuse is either in complete denial or blissfully ignorant.

Okay. Enough of that.

Luna will not stay out of the house now and has figured out how to use the cat flap that allows Maurice entrance and exit. This would not be a problem except that she pisses in the hallway every night.
On the other hand, Jack will NOT come into the house and if I bring him in, he is frantic to get out. This is a cat who will cuddle and who loves to be petted but someone must have instilled the fear of god in that cat about crossing a threshold.

And meanwhile, Maurice is the perfect cat who comes and goes and does not abuse the privilege.

I loved the President's speech last night. I did not think it was his best but he spoke the truth and he spoke it well. I love how he says, "It's the right thing to do."
It's almost Zen in its simplicity.
I am so grateful we have had him for these past years as our president. If only he had a congress who would work with him instead of stymieing every effort he made- what progress we would have seen!

I don't know. Everything sort of makes me want to cry today. And that's okay too.

I better go take that walk.

It's the right thing to do.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Good morning dear Mary. I want to cry too. For no good reason over here. Maybe its just that kind of day. Love.

  2. I love you so much, Mary. I'm crying now too.

  3. I am in love with our new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. Not only is he handsome and sexy he is kind. Already he has overturned all sorts of shit our previous PM did but he is doing it with greatness. Not only is he allowing Syrian refugees in, he is meeting them at the airport. A photo op? Maybe. But he is doing and showing what it right. Because broken humans need a safe place to live. I am so proud of him and I am actually proud of being Canadian again.

  4. Even those of us who did not suffer that kind of abuse have fears for our
    children, especially children who are severely handicapped, if we aren't here to
    take care of them. It's a horrendous kind of fear, and the incidence rates are
    high, very high. May your walk be healing. I'm going to go get on my exercise bike now.
    I can feel the adrenaline coursing.

  5. Mary I am a Social Worker and I work with children in the child protection system. Much research is being done of the impact of trauma on children and how it impacts on development. Trauma as you have experienced where it is chronic and ongoing hasa huge impact as you know. So true that people do not understand the long term consequences of such trauma. Mary you are so beautiful and I send you my love. You are a beautiful strong survivor, a warrior who has survived such horror. You continue to be the epicentre of your family and their love. You are the stable force and nurturer of your family. Thank you for writing about this as it helps so many who have also suffered. For every one person who is able to talk about it , there would be about another ten people who can't talk about it. So thank you for being you and your blog which is a sweet and beautiful part of many of our lives.

  6. I just love you, your words. And I have been on the edge of spilling over, all day.

  7. It occurred to me today that the recent birth of your granddaughter might be triggering your fears and bad dreams in a way that the birth of grandsons might not have. Dear Mary, I hope you feel better soon.

  8. Jennifer's thought makes a lot of sense.

  9. Maybe once you get JB fixed he will stop the pissing??

    And I again am so sorry you had that shit in your life. Your talking about it teaches me empathy and I already have lots of it. So take some solace in that please.

  10. Yeah, can you IMAGINE all that we could have accomplished if Washington were functional?!

    Still I think Obama's been able to do a heck of a lot. He's been a very effective president through a practically impossible time.

  11. well, I didn't listen to his speech though I know it was awesome as usual and yes, what wonderful things could have been accomplished if republicans hadn't decided to black everything he tried to do from the day he was elected. talk about sour grapes.


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