Wednesday, August 6, 2014

How To Be A Grandmother

Give a kid a spray bottle of vinegar and water and a rag and let him loose. Give a kid a broom and show him the steps to sweep. Feed the chickens grapes off the freshly swept steps with the kids. Cut up apples to eat and when you've had enough, go feed some to the goats. Rub their heads which are bristly and warm and alive. Share a bowl of beans and quinoa with your grandson. "More beans!" he will say, as he baby-bird opens his mouth. Make smoothies/chocolate milk/peanut butter sandwiches/cheerios/hand out cookies. Give a two-year old a piece of chocolate, let him eat it on your bed.
Wash your sheets.
Push babies on swings. Be a part of a four-year-old's imagination and let him feed you your lines in the scenario he's cooked up. I remember doing that. I remember the thrill it gave me. "No Mer, it's a Magic Math Sword!" he might say, correcting you when you call it a Magic Mass Sword."
"It" is a ruler.
Where did THAT come from?
Rewind Tarzan ten times.
Wonder for the thousandth time...Phil Collins. Why? 
Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Watch your grandson pet his favorite chicken.

Get so exhausted you think you'll die and let those boys give you a massage which means they both sit on your back and smack your shoulders. It's pretty okay. Every time a train goes by, run to the baby because the train scares him. Pick him up and let him hold you really, really close. End up laughing because the train is awesome. 

Watch a house get towed on a trailer down the road in front of your house. Stand there with your mouth open as it passes beneath the canopied oaks. 

Greet your husband when he comes home, a baby on your hip. Thank him for bringing home soft hay so the hens will be happier to lay. Let him take over the boys to their delight. Not to mention yours. Collect eggs from hen house, outside nest, box in pump house. Pick the two tomatoes the garden has to offer. Notice that cucumbers are forming on the vines. 

Clean up everything. Games, puzzles, magnet toys, stuffed animals, plastic animals, books, cheerios, smoothies, butts. Wash your hands a lot. Make them wash theirs too. 

Feel guilty because you've spent all this time writing this. Go make supper. Poached eggs on spinach. 

Go to bed. 


See you tomorrow. 


  1. I made eggs for supper too :) Perfect food!


  2. SJ- Amen. Perfect food. Especially with spinach.

  3. Sounds like a helluva day. Sleep tight.

  4. Now THAT is how to be a grandmother!

  5. Beautiful beyond words...

    Sweet dreams

  6. I have said it so many times before but I will say it again. You remind me of my Nana. Oh, how she loved her grandbabies. She has 5 of them born within 13 months of each other but still made every one of us feel as if we were her favourite. When people ask me who I would like to spend time with, dead or alive it would be either my mom or my most wonderful loving Nana.

  7. I have a Magic Math Sword and I'm not afraid to use it!

  8. I had three of my 'grandbabies' yesterday. But then they're 12, 14 and almost 18. PawPaw took the 12 and 14-year-old boys fishing and my almost-18-year-old granddaughter and I went to lunch, then shopping, then back home to discuss the life of a teenager. Great day! As for the cucumbers, I'd LOVE to send you some! My hubby picked THREE 5-gallon buckets of them two days ago! But then we went to the local ice cream stand (where the old folks like us seem to congregate), and he unloaded two of the buckets. I told him next year he needs to plant ONE seed in ONE hill and not get them by the gazillions!

  9. Bob- God, I did.

    Angella- For yesterday it surely was.

    Lulumarie- I know I dreamed but I can't remember a thing.

    Birdie- Oh, thank you for saying that! I DO want to be a good grandmother.

    Magnum- That child. He knocks me out.

    Catrina- When it rains, it surely does pour, doesn't it? Are you going to make pickles?

  10. Would you move your beautiful old house to apalachicola?

  11. Ms. Moon, I have canned 21 pints of pickles: bread 'n butter, dill, garlic dill, and garlic dill spears. I'm SICK of 'em I tell ya!

  12. I love the part about the kids sitting on your back and smacking your shoulders! Ha!

  13. Rebecca- Nah. That would be wrong. This house might as well have grown here. Besides, I'm not sure it would be possible.

    Catrina- Pickling and canning is a young woman's game as far as I'm concerned. Although once I get into it, I sort of enjoy it.

    Steve Reed- Lily called while this was going on. "You interrupted my massage," I told her. Haha!


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