Thursday, December 10, 2009


Yesterday turned into the oddest day. After my abortive attempt to get to yoga, I came home, laced up my shoes and tried for a walk. It did not feel good. And then it started to blow. The wind began to whip and the sky completely grayed over and when the thunder and lightening began, I came home.

I knew it was about to pour and there were tornado warnings and watches and so I tried to go get Miss Betty back into the hen house but she didn't want to go and in trying to catch her, I hurt my foot badly, twisting it just the wrong way. It was one of those things where you just stand there and chant, Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, but what what can you do? You catch the chicken, you go back to the house, you take your shoes off and you make your lunch.

I don't know about you, but when I hurt myself, I dump a lot of whatever that morphine-like substance is that our own brains make for us (thanks! brain!) into my blood stream and then I either get manic or fall into a coma. Yesterday I fell into a coma. I laid down on the couch with my foot on ice and the four dogs all around me and tried to read an article in a magazine and before I knew it, I was so deadly asleep that when Kathleen came by to lend me soap-making equipment and the dogs went into hyperdrive and tried to get me up to go see my friend, I merely incorporated the entire event into a dream and slept some more.

I managed to make some supper for Mr. Moon and me and then I laid on the couch some more and watched a fairly inane movie, but one with full male frontal nudity (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and that was odd, too. I don't usually sit long enough to watch an entire movie but there I was, foot on ice, doing just that. And there was full male frontal nudity and I had heard what's-his-face, the guy who displayed the nudity, on NPR describing how he got ready for that scene and how he didn't want to be totally, well, excited, but then he didn't want to look like he had nothing there at all, either and so he thought about sexy things and then his grandmother or maybe the dictionary, I don't really remember, but it worked, I would say, after seeing the movie. He was impressive enough without being scary or getting an X-rating.

Do you get where I'm going here?

Nowhere fast.

Boo-haa. It's gray and chilly again. Thank goodness that Owen is coming over today. Thank goodness and Goddess and God, too, if that's where you go, because I need that boy. I need to feel his little body in my arms and I need to love on him. I feel the damp, cold crazies creeping up around me and trying to get at me and the world is spinning on, twisting in on itself like the winter-dead wisteria

with its whacked-out hysteria, and I'm supposed to give a shit that it's Christmas and probably do something for humanity like, oh, I don't know, bathe the dying, but really, I'm just trying to hang on. And Owen will give me something so very real to hang on to. I can't wait to get him this afternoon. I can't wait.

I have bathed the dying before, or at least cleaned the dying's ass and believe me- it did not make me feel uplifted or good. It made me despair that death and its precursors are so fucking cruel. I would rather change the diaper of the baby and make him smile while I am doing it, make him all cozy and sweet and again, lift him up and hold him to me, smell his head, give him whatever he needs, wonder at his beauty, be grateful beyond measure for his presence in my life.

And I will get to do that.

And I'm going to call Lon and wish him happy birthday and I'll cry.

I always cry when I talk to Lon because he's that sweet. Our dear friend Lon, husband of my dear friend Lis and between them they know everything in the world and can do anything. Here is a place where you can go and buy Lon's CD or just listen to a little of it. It's one of my very favorite CD's ever made and I'm not just saying that. Go listen. Think about Lon, be glad he was born. I sure am. And I'm so glad I know him, so glad that he and Lis met and fell in love so many years ago and together have created so many beautiful things, including a life together which is more precious than even any song they've ever written or sung together, which is saying a lot.

Yeah. It's gray. It's damp. It's chilly. The fire inside of me is not burning so brightly but I it's still there, just banked and ready to be stirred and fed by a baby, by a call to a loved one, by the promise of the spring coming in a few months, the twisted vines of the wisteria springing forth new leaves and then purple blossoms and it will all make sense again, by the knowledge that the weather changes, so does the mood, the spirit. Time flies, even as the morning sits in silent grayness, rushing on to warmth, to smiles, to me holding a baby in my arms, me thinking of a friend who walks so quietly on this planet that you can barely hear him but who doesn't need to walk any heavier or speak any louder because what this world needs is less noise and hysteria and clamoring and more soft, sweet words and songs. Less strife and more peace, less noise and more quiet sweet harmonies, less striving for the ridiculous, more careful reaching for the real and authentic.
And Lon represents all of that which we need more of. The world may not know it, but the world is lucky he's here with his quiet, purposeful footsteps.

Happy birthday, Lon, our darling Big Lou. I'll be calling you. I'm looking forward to that.
And I'm looking forward to holding that grandson of mine.

And in writing all of this, I have stirred the embers of my heart and there- I see a flame leap up to lick the light and I am feeling lucky again, injured foot, gray day and all.


  1. Oh my goodness. I just went over to that link for Lon's CD and listened to the previews. What a voice!

  2. Glad you get to hold your little Owen bundle today and let him warm you up.

    So sorry about your foot.

    Happy b-day, Lon!

  3. Happy Birthday, Lon! Kiss that baby for me, Mama. I hope you have a lovely day keeping each other warm.

  4. I want to make soap!!

    I've have been thinking about it longtime.

    I hope your foot issues resolve soon. Not good.:(

  5. Ms. Moon this is lyricism at its best. And the picture of the yellow room just glows. You glow. I know your light feels dim sometimes but it's then, perhaps, that you're glowing from the inside.

  6. Happy Natal Day Lon!

    Damn Ms Moon, you did have a weird day.

    I also have to say, your house is so photogenic. Not that it's less charming in person, but there is something sort of sparkly and magical and crisp about the photos you take of it. Cool.

    Call if you need us,
    xo m

  7. Happy Birthday to Papa Lon! He's the best of the best, yes that man sure is.

    I just have to say that I will watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall anytime, even though it really is a pretty stupid movie. Now I must look up that interview with Terry Gross.

    Love you, Mama. Have fun cuddling with our boy.

  8. Sorry about the not-good day. When I hurt myself, I snap into And Now THIS mode and feel so sorry for myself. I do not do pain well and I resent how much hurts and how fragile I've become, way earlier than I should be, you're too young for this crap too, bones and muscles that don't work right.

    I can't wait to go to Lis' site next, and happy birthday to Lon. There are a few people so wonderful in this world that I get bleary eyed just thinking about them. It's so nice you have some too.

    It is bone chilling, soul numbing, breath freezing cold here and the wind is so cruel I cannot stop complaining in my head about it. My family on the east coast is swamped under almost 5 inches of rain and this it the third insane storm since fall. They are pretty pissed at the weather too. I guess it's not really perfect anywhere for long. I'd rather be changing a poopy diaper and smiling at a baby too. For each thing in life that curses you, you are doubly blessed with love and light that lift you up just when you need it.
    Have a wonderful afternoon with your boy and don't hurt yourself!

  9. Hi Ms Moon,
    Thanks for writing, even when you feel on the verge of all that. I can't quite manage it myself. I lvoe te wisteria/hysteria. I love the knock on the "merely incorporated the entire event into my dream" line. I love your whole movie experience. And your Owen love of course. The photo of your front door is comforting, esp the rooster rug, the broom leaning, the high ceiling, the lights on the mirror, oh and the dog scratches on the door. Love that the most. Well after the broom.
    I'm so sorry about your poor foot.
    The things you do for chickens.
    Get well soon. Please.
    Off to check out your friends link, you write about him so beautifully.

  10. How do you not cry when Lon and Lis sing in harmony? Their voices are perfect together, and their music made my morning.
    Your house is very photogenic. It is all warmth and good vibes, I think. And I covet your rooster rug, very much.
    About that movie, I loved the musical Dracula puppet number at the end. Did the actor talk about his puppet obsession? That's part of him he got them to put in the movie. I was embarrased a bit by the frontal, but he was so vulnerable and cute somehow...
    Hoping you have a great day..

  11. So, you have what I call "fell off the calendar day" It goes into the category "days not to get out of bed" and "and why this now?" type of day.

    You are a nurse, you know what is best for your foot, and that is to sit with Owen in your arms, your legs up resting that ankle and cooing him with silly songs while your heart gets better.

    Girl, yesterday was the day from hell and you made it through it. Sure you got bruised and badly at that, but with your spirit and your Owen today, nothing but good things will come your way. I am sending hugs and I wish I could be there to fix us a couple of Parfait Amour martinis, build a fire and rearrange the world between us. Lacking that, I send love to you and Owen,

  12. Love the flowers and white picket fence and the trees in the background. Looks absolutely amazing. Wishing I was there to help catch your fall and then catch the chicken. Though I think I'd scare and make the chicken go into cardiac arrest if I tried to catch it because I'm not too swift or sneaky or clever enough to catch a chicken.....but I'd try.

  13. You stirred the embers of MY heart with your talk of full frontal male nudity. Which is basically one of the five things I live for. Make that three.

  14. Steph- And his songs are magnificent and soothing and thoughtful. Just like him.

    Nicol- Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!

    May- Every moment with Owen is wonderful, even when he's Mr. Mad! Such a baybee he can be. I love him madly.

    Jo- Maybe when I get around to making the soup I'll take pictures and do a post on it.

    Elizabeth- My fire burns coldest in the mornings and that's the truth.

    Ms. Fleur- Thank-you, honey, as always.

    HoneyLuna- He was wearing your old shirt today, our boy was. It made me happy. Good luck on your final final tomorrow. Then breathe and be free.

    Mel- Thank-you for those beautiful words. I, too, get angry when I hurt myself but mostly at myself and then I just feel like an idiot. We need to remember that we're just humans, fragile blood and bone and muscle and tendon and these things do get injured. Sigh.
    And I DO cry when Lon and Lis sing. Believe me.
    I got that rooster rug for Christmas last year before I ever got a chicken. Isn't it awesome?
    And yes, the puppet show at the end of that movie was just terrific.

    Bethany- You have an eye for details! Yes. The dog scratches. This house has stood for 150 years and my dogs tear up the doors. Dammit. It's depressing.

    Ms. Allegra- Parfait Amour martinis? I am panting with curiosity. Thank-you for your wishes. It wasn't that bad of a day, really, just a sort of useless one. But I suppose we all need those sometimes. Owen and I got your love. Thank-you.

    Rebecca- Catching chickens is harder than you'd think and yet, I am frequently surprised it's possible at all. I do wish I had help sometimes and then sometimes, I just think I should let them go uncaught.

    Mwa- Full frontal. Can't beat that.

  15. It's cold here in front of my computer, but that glowing room made me feel all warm and yummy.

    Lovely words about your lovely friend Lon.

    hope your foot is mending

  16. Putting these words of yours out there , they help too. The world is full of ugly, but what if there wasn't beauty. What if there were no Owen and chickens and yoga to try to get to.
    I wrote about some ugly , some stuff that haunts, some shame, some of my bitter even in the midst of me doing this advent thing.
    And I didn't have nightmares. And I am not slipping into myself . I do believe that your words have made a difference in my little drama. In my story.
    I have been thankful for many things along the way. Many people and much much grace. My husband, my children. Books, and song and nature.
    But words that pierce a soul, that fit, that quiet and slay and uplift. There is salvation in that. In you and your thinking out loud and your soul.
    Thank you , Ms. Moon. And to think... all from your couch.

  17. I love your fucking entryway. It is gorgeous and makes my fat ass want to come in and sit right down, which one day said fat ass will actually do.

    Love you mega-tons.

  18. Jo- I meant SOAP, of course.

    Michelle- Getting cold here, too. The foot is okay. IT WILL MEND. IT WILL! BY THE POWER OF MY MIND! That works, right?

    Deb- And your words have done the same for me. Thank-you.

    Ms. Bastard- Can't WAIT!

  19. I like to believe that my kids' grandparents have the same fierce love for my little tribe.

    The weather always is a barometer of my moods, and, like you said, writing is like sunshine on even the darkest of days.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.