Friday, July 11, 2014

Stream of Almost-Consciousness

Drip, drip, drip, it must have rained again in the night and it's supposed to rain again today, fine by me, but the boys are coming and oh, how they love to play outside, sometimes (don't judge me, please) I say, "Do you want to see if Tom and Jerry are on?" and they can't understand why they have to wait until Tom and Jerry are on, they have that TV thing where you can just watch whatever you want whenever you want it and pause it too when you need to go pee. Mer lives in the dark ages but they like to visit the dark ages with its spidery porches and play set to swing on a rope off the tower, to climb the bamboo, to have the shivery delight of being told Watch for snakes! to be able to pee anywhere in the yard, who cares? No one. Not Mer.
I like them to be little heathens, getting filthy and playing in water and digging in the driveway for treasures, the rain having exposed more bits of glass and pottery to pry loose from the dirt with a stick, Gibson demanding cherry tomatoes from the sad garden, for me to cook him an egg right from the nest, for Owen to pull up a chair on the porch to watch the rain fall as he likes to do sometimes.

I saw a meme the other day that I actually liked. It said something like, "Sure, you can pray for me and I'll dance naked in the woods at night for you."

Not that I'm really planning on dancing naked in the woods at night for anyone but you get the insane point of it, right?


The chickens are bawking to be let out, Elvis is calling me, Come, come, come! When I let them out, they stream out the door so eager to start their day of scratching in fresh, wet dirt. Last night when I shut them up I counted heads as I always do and couldn't find Missy but eventually I did, she was tucked in beside Drogo where I could not see her and then I was fine, all present and accounted for, shut the door and let them be safe another night.

Another day, it is Friday, here we are, the boys are coming, I dreamed that Mr. Moon had found another love and I cried and cried but told a friend, "I think he will come back to me. I think we are meant to be together," and I thought, "Thirty years, thirty years, surely he will come back to me," and even after thirty years I have these dreams, but at least now I reassure myself that he will come back to me and tonight he will, I am certain, come home, and after thirty years, it still delights me, it still amazes me, I can stay right here and the ones I love will show up, boys and the man, the chickens never leave the yard nor does the cat, the trees stay in place, I am home, it is Friday. Hello.


  1. Mm, so glad it's Friday, I have a fug of tiredness in front of my eyes. My son has gone camping, I have a ricotta and spinach freezer pizza.

    My daughter has just told me there are more fake flamingoes in the world than real ones. I thought you'd like that.

  2. Well, this is just about the most perfect way to start a Friday. Even if I don't live in Lloyd, in your beautiful corner of the world, I can read about it. And I love, love, love the expression about dancing naked in the woods. I'm going to use it next time.

  3. Thirteen years ago we moved from a house 'in town' to one out in the country. My sweet hubby was so excited because he could pee off the porch! Our then two-year-old grandson heard him say it, and started asking questions. PawPaw told him that sometimes he pees by a tree and we went on talking about other stuff. A little while later there was Logan, with his pull-up and shorts down around his ankles, peeing next to a tree in the middle of the yard. I got a picture but don't plan to show him until his wedding day. :-)

  4. I still have dreams that my love will be swept away too, is that crazy or healthy? Keeps me appreciatin'!!
    Apparently that's not a word.
    Anyway. Your grandbabies are going to have such lovely memories of you!!!

  5. I just realized I could pee off my porch at my new house. It is a bit of a problem for the ladies that we not pee on our shoes or splash our ankles. With the remodel coming up, this might be a reality.

    Love from the NW.

    XX Beth

  6. I once had a husband who, between Jr. and Sr. years in college, rode across country in a boxcar, and the first thing, the FIRST THING, he told me about that experience was that he could pee out the door of that boxcar while it moved along the tracks at 50 mph. Yes, indeed. It's a big thing with them, and your grandsons are so lucky you understand it.

  7. I know that church is everywhere but shitfire you got a real, real good one goin' here.

    I like that you get to dance naked in it, too. And pee in the yard.

    And there's snakes.

    you got it all.

  8. Ah! I love the way you bring us into your day.

    And, yes, dance naked in the woods for me--if just in your head. And I will do the same for you.

    Happy Friday.

  9. the lady at sav-a-lot told me to have a blessed day today. i was gonna say something snarky, but since she helped me find microwave bacon i gave her a pass...


  10. Jo- I would have bet on that flamingo thing. I am not surprised.

    Elizabeth- I know- isn't that great? I can't wait to use it myself.

    Catrina- Boys love to pee outside with such passion. I would too, I think, if I had a penis.

    heartinhand- It shows we value our loves. I think that's what it means above all.

    Beth- I am pretty expert at squatting and peeing without much problem. I have a lot of practice. Love from Florida.

    Andrea- I can understand the charm of it. I wonder how many men have fallen to their deaths, peeing out of a boxcar?

    Tearful- I DO have it all. Except a large body of water. The trees make up for it, mostly. You're so damn sweet.

    Denise- I appreciate that! And I will do a lovely dance under the moonlight just for you. Maybe only in my head, yes, but still...I'll do it.

    Mrs. A- Yes. Microwave bacon probably eases a lot of sins.

  11. I hate those dreams of abandonment. They make me wake up in a state of worry.

  12. You know, I have those abandonment dreams (as Syd calls them) too and I wake up with my heart broken in two and then I slowly come back to myself and realize it was a dream. It always feels so real. I have never admitted these dreams to anyone except the man. I thought it was pathetic insecurity but now I feel as if I have company and it makes it all feel somehow less dire! I adore that photo of your wild boys in the pool.

  13. And it will be a good weekend!

  14. Ahhh. Lloyd, you, those boys, dancing naked in the woods. All of it, like floating in a warm pool.
    you amaze and inspire.

  15. Syd- Me too, brother.

    Angella- We all have them, I think. Or at least many of us. I think it's normal to dream of losing that which we cherish the most.

    Jenny Woolf- I think so!

    Yobobe- NO, girl! You amaze and inspire. I'm serious.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.