Sunday, July 27, 2014
Light, Love. All Of It
I could write an entire short story about what that picture represents in my life.
But I don't want to.
It is the last evening of my fifty-ninth year.
It has been a plain, nothing-special-so-therefore-amazing day in my life. A bit of cleaning, a bit of tidying, a bit of cutting and putting in vases, a bit of egg-gathering, a bit of talking to a friend on the telephone, a bit of visiting with friends right here in my house. A bit of kissing.
Nothing special. Everything special.
I honestly never thought I'd live this long. I honestly never thought that dreams, even undreamed ones, could come true. I never thought I'd have chickens or live long enough to change my grandbabies' diapers. I never thought I'd visit the Yucatan. I never thought I'd marry a basketball player who was in fact, my knight in shining armor. I never thought I'd have a love affair that lasted yeah, unto this very second. I never thought I'd live beneath the shade and grace of hundreds-of-years-old oaks. I never thought that a high school boyfriend would still be my friend, forty years later. I never thought that I'd make friends on the internet whom I would dream about, who have become some of my best friends.
I never dreamed of the internet.
I never dreamed I would face mental health issues that would threaten my life.
I never dreamed that I would be able to hold my mother's hand into death.
I never dreamed that such grace would be mine.
And yet- it has.
All of that. And so much more.
My mother gave birth to me in a quonset hut. I think it belonged to the Air Force? Maybe? Because the Army hospital had some horrible virus or bacteria happening? And my father was in the Army? And they were experimenting with spinal blocks. In El Paso, Texas.
I remember a couple of years ago when I was in Asheville for my birthday and my mother called me and said, "Happy birthday to my first baby who lived!"
I am at a place where I can forgive her for that. She had no idea how that made me feel. She had lost two babies in utero before I was born and maybe, perhaps, she never really recovered from that.
I am a human being too. I have made mistakes beyond measure.
But I will tell you this- I am grateful that my mother is in a place where none of the past has to haunt her.
I am grateful beyond measure that I am in a place where I can be mostly at peace with it all.
Yo! Y'all! I gotta buy some new lipstick tomorrow.
Dang but I'm glad to be here.
Love...Ms. Moon Who Is Just About To Turn Sixty Years Old And If That Ain't A Miracle, I Don't Know What Is