Sunday, July 27, 2014

Light, Love. All Of It

I could write an entire short story about what that picture represents in my life.
But I don't want to.
It is the last evening of my fifty-ninth year.
It has been a plain, nothing-special-so-therefore-amazing day in my life. A bit of cleaning, a bit of tidying, a bit of cutting and putting in vases, a bit of egg-gathering, a bit of talking to a friend on the telephone, a bit of visiting with friends right here in my house. A bit of kissing.

Nothing special. Everything special.

I honestly never thought I'd live this long. I honestly never thought that dreams, even undreamed ones, could come true. I never thought I'd have chickens or live long enough to change my grandbabies' diapers. I never thought I'd visit the Yucatan. I never thought I'd marry a basketball player who was in fact, my knight in shining armor. I never thought I'd have a love affair that lasted yeah, unto this very second. I never thought I'd live beneath the shade and grace of hundreds-of-years-old oaks. I never thought that a high school boyfriend would still be my friend, forty years later. I never thought that I'd make friends on the internet whom I would dream about, who have become some of my best friends.
I never dreamed of the internet.
I never dreamed I would face mental health issues that would threaten my life.
I never dreamed that I would be able to hold my mother's hand into death.
I never dreamed that such grace would be mine.

And yet- it has.
All of that. And so much more.

My mother gave birth to me in a quonset hut. I think it belonged to the Air Force? Maybe? Because the Army hospital had some horrible virus or bacteria happening? And my father was in the Army? And they were experimenting with spinal blocks. In El Paso, Texas.
I remember a couple of years ago when I was in Asheville for my birthday and my mother called me and said, "Happy birthday to my first baby who lived!"
I am at a place where I can forgive her for that. She had no idea how that made me feel. She had lost two babies in utero before I was born and maybe, perhaps, she never really recovered from that.
I am a human being too. I have made mistakes beyond measure.
But I will tell you this- I am grateful that my mother is in a place where none of the past has to haunt her.
I am grateful beyond measure that I am in a place where I can be mostly at peace with it all.

Yo! Y'all! I gotta buy some new lipstick tomorrow.

Dang but I'm glad to be here.

Love...Ms. Moon Who Is Just About To Turn Sixty Years Old And If That Ain't A Miracle, I Don't Know What Is


  1. Happy Birthday Mrs. Moon! I should be giving you the gifts but I wanted to thank you for all the gifts you give me all year. I don't comment on here much, but your life is woven into mine and you don't even know it. The name Eggy Tina will forever make me laugh, thank you. Thank you for your emotional generosity and honesty. Thank you for the recommendation of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band revival CD. I have played that thing so many times in the last two weeks I have just about made everyone leave home! I love it. I love your family and how you persevere, how we all do together. Thank you for everything. Hope you wear your red skirt, your Mexico special jewelry and your new lipstick. Better bring it with you, there is bound to be lots of kissing. Love and thanks, Anon Suz

  2. Anon Suz- You have no idea what a gift you just gave me. Thank you. From the bottom and top of my heart.

  3. Oh Mary, I second everything Suz said above. You give so much and probably don't even realize how deeply you touch some of our hearts. I have been going through the most tragic time in my life, my 36 yr old son passed away recently and the first time I came back on the computer I checked my favorite site(yours)and your post that day was "Heartbreak and Healing in Music and Life" with the R.S. song "streets of love" It was like you reached out thru the computer and handed me this special gift. I will never be able to explain to you how that touched me and what it meant to me. My husband and I sat at our kitchen table sobbing while listening to that song. We also played it at Ben's memorial service. The streets of love *are* filled with tears. But you also make me laugh so often and remind me of the light and love in life that I sometimes forget about. Thank you seems inadequate but it's all I got. I hope all your wishes come true...more,more and more.You are a precious human being.
    With love,
    Angie D

  4. Happy Birthday! I like the others want to thank you for giving us gifts twice a day. The way your writing hits home is just amazing. Gail

  5. Angie D- I read what you wrote. I took my computer into the Glen Den and said to my husband, "Can I read you something?"
    And I read him what you wrote and we were both crying,
    If everything I have ever written up to this moment means nothing, that, what you said...Oh god. How I just wish I could hold you.
    Thank you. I love you. I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot imagine nor will I try to.
    I can just say that right now I am rocking back and forth, wishing I could look into your eyes and tell you that I am so sorry.


  6. Gail- It's all just life. And rock and roll. The fact that I can sit here every day and write my heart out is my saving grace. I told my huband earlier tonight that there have been days when nothing but the idea that I could come here and write made it worthwhile to get up.
    So thank you.


  7. Happy last day of being 59 and welcome to the '60's ~ again! I sent you a little something, just some small tokens of my love, but the love itself is BIG.

    I, too, thank you for your beautiful, meaningful, spiritual, funny, heart-wrenching, musical, compassionate have made my day more times than I can count.

  8. Happy Birthday, Ms. Moon. Welcome to the 60s!

  9. I hope that you have many more years. And some of the things that each of us has seen as we progress in life fills me with wonder too. I still feel like a kid though and have a childlike wonder at so many things around me. Enjoy your pre-birthday eve.

  10. Aww! Happy birthday greetings from steamy green Vermont, ms Moon! Seems you and your Liz have things covered...We all wait to hear the stories that will come, for you are our story teller, ms Moon and we humans do love our story tellers, don't we?!If I could I would send you mermaid pictures and wild dolphin kisses and candles entwined with flowers..all wrapped in star sprinkled tissue papers and trailing lacy ribbons...Have a great day and a wonder filled new ms Moon year! hugs, Carroll

  11. Holy shit, the comments are making me cry harder than the post did!!
    Congratulations on surpassing your wildest dreams! Tomorrow we will celebrate you as we do every day, we will read your words and feel your soul song ring in our hearts.
    I hope you sleep well on the last night of being in your 50s. May it be restful and peaceful and may you wake up in the morning with the love of the entire world shining through your windows and onto your smiling face.
    I can't write anymore, I gotta go blow my nose from the earlier sobfest! Xoxoxoxo

  12. Please excuse the pedantry, but at age 59 you are already in your 60th year, and with your 60th birthday will embark on your 61st. (61st year, that is.) Just like 1999 is the last year of the 20th century, and 2000 is the start of the 21st.

    I too had my last day of being 59 this year (NOT my last day of my 59th year), having turned 60 in April. It was indeed startling and strange, but you know what? After a few weeks it made no difference, and I rarely think of it.

    Still trying to get used to realizing I'm in my 61st year, though!

  13. Gorgeous. Happy Birthday to you, you fierce and lovely woman.

  14. Happy Birthday to you, sweet Mary Moon, the best friend I've ever had that I've still not met yet. You are on my bucket list. :)

    Thank you for writing here, for creating this magical place with your words.

    May this year be even better than the ones before. May this day be filled with love and laughter.


  15. Happy Birthday Ms. Moon! With love :)

  16. I'm so glad you're here.

    My mother didn't make it this far, and I think she thought she would - the fortune tellers in her life let her down! That, or something went wrong. Also possible.

    I knew a guy whose older brother died tragically when he was a child - and his mother once said to him 'you'll never be my first born'. Sheesh. Parents can just be ... bad.

    I hope you have a lovely day today though, and I left a little note for you on my blog xx

  17. Dear Mrs. Moon, Happy Birthday to you. I don't know how long I've been reading your blog.But it's a while. I found it through Elizabeth--and I am so glad about that. You touch my heart with every single post. And I love that you are awake and done posting in your timezone, so I can wake up and read what you are up to first thing (usually.)
    Birthday hug. Welcome to the club. (The 60s club)


  18. ╔♫╗────────╔═╦╗─♫╗╔╗─╔╗─♥──
    ஜ۩۞۩ஜ MS. MARY MOON ஜ۩۞۩ஜ

  19. Odd that you write about how blessed you are....when you bless us every day with words that make us laugh, cry, and dream. You give so much more than you get, yet you're so happy with everything in your life (well, except for those dreams). I can only wish that your 60th birthday is all that you deserve, but I frankly can't fathom that anyone (even that dear sweet man of yours) can even come close. You deserve light, laughter, love, chickens, grandbabies, Mexican vacations, and so much more! All I know is that I start my day with you and a cup of coffee. Sometimes you force me to see that I have so much to be thankful for, thus ending a pre-emergent pity party. And sometimes I just wonder at what you find to be thankful for, and I try to do the same. Your 60th birthday will be a big day for you, as well as for those (like your family of readers) that just flat out love you!

  20. Well, happy birthday. I believe I've already mentioned my attitude on the 60s but we are where we are so might as well get on with it.

  21. Many happy returns of the day.

    Dance and sing into the night - I hope.

  22. We love you Ms. Moon! Happy bday!!

  23. Well, I'm here late, so I can see you have already had a very, very happy birthday---bravo!


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