Tuesday, September 18, 2012

No Judgement Here!

I didn't go to town today. Instead, I struggled with the devil.
The devil, of course, made manifest by a Flipping Out Marathon on the TeeVee which I discovered while I was doing my crunches.
Crunch. What a funny word. Unless you're talking about breakfast cereal.
Yeah, so I have a powerful love of that show and I don't care what you think about that. I just adore Jeff Lewis and all his neuroses and his long-suffering assistant Jenni and my favorite, of course, is Zoila, his live-in maid and mother substitute.
So there was that going on and I just wanted to sit there and watch it and I even got out my knitting but then it quit raining so I went for a damn, damn walk and then I came back and was too tired to go anywhere but the hen house which I cleaned out and I've made soup and bread's rising and I've actually DUSTED SOME FUCKING FURNITURE (not too much, don't get excited) and so, you know, I had a perfectly normal day for me and once again, did not have to wear a bra.

That's about as good as it gets for me.

I have to go to town tomorrow anyway, come hell or high water, as I am taking my mother to the doctor. Not the eye doctor, thank you, Jesus. No, this is an ENT guy who helped someone who knows someone that Mother knows with dizziness and although I do believe she went to see him awhile back, I'm going to take her anyway.
Ironically, I went to this same guy when I was experiencing some vertigo many years ago and he examined me and said, "I don't see any reason for you to be dizzy. Could you be pregnant?"
And yes, actually, it turns out I was, but wasn't aware of that fact yet and that was my Lily and also the only pregnancy wherein I had any dizziness.
He must be old now because he's older than I am and I'm old. I sure hope he doesn't start ordering up MRI's and CT scans because we've been through all of that before and nothing showed up but whatever. Mother has fabulous insurance plus the Medicare so who knows?

So yes, I battled the devil and I won because I suffered mightily on my walk and then dealt with chicken shit so I'm going to heaven, no doubt about it. In fact, I feel so virtuous that I think I'll go watch a little of the Flipping Out marathon before Mr. Moon gets home. The soup is simmering and it is filled with lovely vegetables and highly fibered things and the bread is oat and whole wheat and so there's even more virtue and I think my soul can handle a little devilish amusement.
Plus, I'll knit so it won't be a total waste.

What did you do to earn your way into heaven today? I know you did something virtuous and good and here's your chance to tell someone about it. Or, alternatively, you can tell me something naughty you did. In fact, that would probably be far more interesting.

And I promise I won't judge you.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. The naughty thing I did was have a second greek yogurt. Bad girl.

    I learned last week that you can have too much fiber. I was actually getting too much fiber on occasion. I'm now limiting myself to 60 grams a day... which is actaully still a lot but nobody's perfect.

    So there you go. You can even get too much of something like fiber.

    We're all fucked.

  2. Oh, another reason why I love you. I haven't run in three days, and instead of a crunch I'm drinking wine, letting my chili bubble away on the stove, and I spent all last night (instead of doing IMPORTANT THINGS like department assessment (UGH) and laundry I watched the entire season of Project Runway. Um, and then a little Hoarders.

    Magick word today? Twattin. For real, Blogger?

  3. Stephanie- TWO GREEK YOGURTS? Dang girl, why didn't you just slam some tequila and eat a chocolate cake? Oh wait. I'm not judging.
    You're still going to heaven. So did Spark People tell you that you were getting too much fiber or did you uh, figure it out on your own?

    Sara- Project Runway rocks. I can't watch Hoarders. It creeps me out. Those people are so sad. But I love your confession. Makes me feel better about myself.
    Twattin? Now THAT sounds naughty.

  4. SparkPeople tells me more than 50-60 grams may give me "intestinal distress" which I've had pretty much all my life anyway... hence the yogurt... and may prevent my system from absorbing nutrients before they vacate the premises.

    Considering my breakfast alone has 31 grams, there's no way I could limit myself to the 40 they top out at... so I'm compromising at 60.

    The tequila and chocolate come later in the day. Come to think of it, I haven't had those little bottle shaped chocolates filled with booze in a loooooonggg time.

  5. For some reason (probably because you are a talented writer), this is one of my favorite posts now. It's pure genius. Thank you! And I had to go through 5 tries to get a verification thingy that I could read. Totally understand that it's necessary - jus' sayin'.

  6. Steph I love those chocolate boozy bottles! Everybody mocks me but they're always a hit when people stop being pretentious. And Greek yogurt is DA BOMB. Chobani is my fave. Yummers.

    Ms. Moon, I did not leave for Zambia nor have sex with the man I don't really want. Surely domestic celibacy will get me to heaven ... but I def want a heaven of OUR creation. Lots of chickens of course.

  7. I did some very naughty things, but I won't reveal them here.

    As for virtue, I'm helping my son with his sixth grade math -- a job so heroic and virtuous that it completely and utterly cancels out the more venial sins.

    So there.

    And I'm completely fascinating by the bread baking that you do -- it sounds so effortless -- do you make small loaves? Use recipes? Yeast? Pray tell.

  8. Stephanie- I have never had those little chocolate bottles with liquor in them but they sound inspired. Thanks for the fiber tutorial. Who knew?

    Jucie- One never knows what will make someone happy to read. But I'm glad you liked this one! I know- the verification word things are just getting purely evil. I agree. I frequently spend more time trying to get them right than I do writing the comment I'm trying to publish.

    NOLA- Lily is still laughing at me because I was eating a different type of Greek yogurt and had decided it was the BEST, BEST, BEST and it was the best because it was full-fat. Haha! I'm so lame. I was like, "This stuff is better than custard! It's better than ice cream!" And it was.
    Of course we get to create our own heaven. I wouldn't have it any other way. (Sorry about the sex thing.)

    Elizabeth- I throw shit together and it turns into bread. Not literally you know. I do have a Kitchen Aid with a bread hook which is what I usually use. I make one loaf at a time. Tonight I used oats which I had sort of cooked in the microwave and let cool and then threw in a bunch of flour (I hardly ever measure this). It was the white-whole-wheat from King Arthur. Some yeast, salt, a little molasses and a little water. I fiddle with it until it's proper dough. Sometimes it comes out better than other times.
    Now. As to the important stuff...WHAT? Girl. I hope you were REALLY bad.

  9. I got into the Halloween stash and picked out all my favorites... candy corn is from the devil!

  10. I ate two big lime popsicles and an oatmeal raisin cookie, all of which were completely unnecessary and nutritionally suspect but so frigging good. On the plus side, I hauled my tail out into a thunderstorming downpour to take my sons to one of their after-school activities...does that balance out my gluttony?? I need some of those chocolate bottles with liquor too...

  11. My naughty was more like mean. Yelled at my daughter for humming. I cannot stand humming or whistling.
    So apparently it gives me the right to lash out at people who are happy and you know it and my issues trump that.
    My good girl thing? Spent most of the day making cheerful and fun pillowcases for cancer and hospice patients.

  12. I tried to save healthcare in America.

    I failed.

  13. Nancy- Oh sweetie. That's not so bad. That's a petit sin. Very petit. Just brush your teeth and forget about it.

    Mama D- Oh hell yes! That totally balances out!

    Deb- I don't blame you. It's okay. And what a nice thing to do- to make lovely pillow cases for people who need them!

    SJ- Well, Little Missy, you better just go back in there tomorrow and try again! (No, seriously- I love you for what you do. So much. Thank-you.)

  14. You are hilarious...I love reading your posts...came here from Birdie's blog...who also cracks me up!!
    May I drop in from time to time, and see what shit you are into???

    I don't think I was naughty TODAY..but who knows what tomorrow will bring, eh??

    Linda :o)

    ok...now I'm getting pissed...3 times at word verification...

  15. I'm a cog in the wheel :) But I love you for saying that. Thank you. Sleep good, okay?

  16. Well, naughty and virtuous at the same time ~ for John's birthday dinner, caprese salad, then cheese grits and garlic butter shrimp (a stick of butter in each, OMG),sauteed asparagus (the healthy part) and tiramisu with a candle for dessert. I didn't make the tiramisu but Publix makes a damn good one!

  17. Ha! Full fat Greek yogurt is too rich for my bad stomach. :)

    Oh, nothing bad about sex thing. I love love love being a woman in this time and place. If I want sex, I say yes and ask for it. If I don't, I say no. I am in charge of my own body and that is FABULOUS.

  18. I don't know if I believe in heaven and hell but I am in the midst of thinking about the sins I've committed in the past year and today I caught myself in self-pity and then being a little dishonest. I am correcting that. Also, I don't think I had a vegetable today unless the 3 pieces of lettuce they put in tacos count... Food seems to be a sin for many of us.

  19. I was so virtuous today that I'd fall right asleep if I wrote about it. *yawn*
    Naughty would be fab.

  20. That's an amazingly perceptive doctor!

  21. i did some things good, and some kind of naughty ;)

    i've often thought my sins were the roadmap to the promised land, anyway.

    (*been lurking and loving on your 'blog for quite awhile*)


  22. Oh Good GOD I love the way your words come together on this screen for me to read!! "What did you do to earn your way into heaven today?" A damn good question indeed.

  23. The naughty thing I did was to eat some black bean soup that gave me the worse gas of my life. No more. These were paint peelers and I am actually embarrassed that I wrote that.


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