Tuesday, September 18, 2012

In Which I Discuss Breasts

Pouring rain this morning and lightening and thunder are cracking wise and deep and the house shakes and this makes THE FOURTH MORNING IN A ROW I HAVEN'T WALKED and I am SO going to pay for that.

Maybe it'll let up soon.

Maybe I could just swim my miles today. Starting in my front yard which is holding water. I remember when I first moved here and the old man down the street stopped and offered suggestions over the fence on how I could get grass to grow out there. I just laughed. There ain't nothing but shade in that front yard and the rain washes it out and anyway, I had that fantasy of sweeping my front yard the way the old black ladies did when I was a girl.
I don't sweep the yard but I am still under no delusions I'll ever get grass to grow. I have planted two Canary Island date palms and also two cabbage palms and some camellias and phlox and firespike in the front yard. They're all growing fine. You can hardly see the front porch from the road any more which is just okay with me.

Obviously I have nothing to say today.

Can you believe the uproar over Kate Middleton's titties? Why are we so fascinated with breasts, y'all? Especially celebrity and royal breasts. I mean, I think breasts are awesome and beautiful but come on! It's bad enough that every time she eats a lima bean and her concave stomach expands around it all the tabloids announce she's pregnant. Half of the Entertainment section of the Huffpost is about some chick's cleavage or sheer blouse or side boob. It's like we're all twelve-year old boys. Or maybe nine-year old boys.

Here's a headline from E! online:

Will Topless Kate Middleton Photos Cause A Diplomatic Crisis?

Wow. I sure hope so. I'd love to think I live in a world where a woman's bare breasts are the most important things that diplomats have to deal with.

Well, I guess I've milked that topic for all it's worth. Pun intended!

I better go to town today. See if my car still runs. It's Tuesday so seniors get 25% off at the Goodwill. Maybe I get buy some more junk to clutter my house up with. Or maybe find some new clothes for the boys. I don't know. Jesus. See? I should have a career. I did think of something that I really would love to do and it's imminently practical and sensible- BE A STAND-UP COMEDIAN! I've actually wanted to do that for years but let's face it- I am not going to do that. Bras would be involved.

Now that's something that male stand-ups don't have to deal with. Bras. Not on their own personal chests, anyway. I don't care how far we've come as women, there are still major inequalities. Prince Harry gets his picture taken while he's not only naked but apparently humping some guy over a pool table and there's less furor over that than the poor princesses's naked nursies.
Ain't fair, y'all.

Like so much of life.

All right. Get on with your life, I'll get on with mine.

Love you...Ms. Moon


  1. If the diplomat is a male, I can promise you a womans breast is the most important thing he has to deal with. Deep inside we are all 9 year olds when the right (or left) boob comes along. Y'all own us, we can't help it.

  2. Betweeen Kate's boobies and the protests over that film my grandmother is worried we're headed for World War III.

  3. Brother Wrecking Ball- You're going to get kicked out of the Man Club for admitting that.

    Stephanie- She may be right.

  4. I thought you found some ultimate comfy bra you ... well, you could tolerate, some time back?

    You should totally do stand up, they would love you.

  5. Breasts are just-breasts. We don't go all ape-shit over cow udders, do we? I didn't used to have any, breasts that is, and since the glory of menopause, I do. Sheesh. When they were small, they nursed a few babies just fine and I liked them just fine. Now they swing around and bobble and I have to strap them down except this morning in the yard where I was watering and weeding and dealing with the chickens and I JUST DIDN'T CARE. I'm becoming the old woman I feared I would. So deal with it.

    But WW III, really?

  6. I bet you get a million hits today.

  7. Jo- I did but decided I hate it too. I JUST DON'T LIKE THINGS AROUND MY CHEST! DAMMIT!
    I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I just really hate bras.

    Beth- Agreed, lady. Agreed. Let's start a world-wide movement- FREE THE BREASTS!!!!!
    I'll be president. You can be president too.

    Rubye Jack- I guess.

    Elizabeth- Shit. And every one of them is going to be so disappointed.

  8. I do love a good storm every now and again!

    Kate's tits have really made me laugh. I guess it goes to show that the royal family are a law unto themselves!

  9. This made me laugh, esp the lima bean, concave stomach expanding. I love when you think you have nothing to say but talk to us anyway. You make me happy.

  10. The thing I find so interesting about the princess story is that the royals have actually won injunctions against the magazine for publishing the photos, and they're considering prosecuting the photographer. That would never happen in the states!

    The whole thing is so silly. And yet I saw an interview with a magazine store owner in Kensington who said his customers have bought out their stock of that issue. So demand is high!

  11. I like breasts and asses and all that, but don't think about them all the time like I did when I was a horny teenager. Kate's boobs were sort of concave too. Or maybe they looked like two Lima beans. Who cares really?


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.