Well we're having a cold snap here in Lloyd today as it's only 79 degrees in the hallway and if you think I'm joking, you are WRONG! It feels heavenly and I have the front door wide open and the back door too.
The scent of Fabuloso and bleach fill the air and the sound of the washer and dryer fill my happy ears.
Haha. Not really but yeah, really. I'm so grateful for a washer and a dryer. I've been running rugs and towels all day long.
I'm so exhausted you would have thought I'd cleaned the whole damn house and the garage too instead of what I have cleaned, which in the scheme of things isn't that much but fuck it- I got done what I set forth to do and that's enough for me.
Do you have the strange desire on a day in which you have toiled endlessly (sort of) to list each and every accomplishment? I do. It makes me feel like maybe I'll go to heaven or something if there's a list of my deeds somewhere which is ridiculous in that I don't believe in heaven unless we're talking about clean bathrooms and open hallways with the cooler air coming through. I especially remember listing the things I'd crossed off my list when my kids were young and the list was constantly endless and no one gave a shit but me whether or not the dishcloths and diapers were bleached and the toys picked up and grocery shopping done and put away and the baby nursed fifty-two times and dinner set on the table at a reasonable hour and Professor Wormbog In Search For the Zipperump-A-Zoo read a few dozen times to a toddler and maybe a preteen taken to ballet or karate and the cats fed and the dishes washed and homework maybe helped with and if there was sex involved at the end of the day I pretty much figured I deserved a crown of gold and rubies and come to think of it, I did.
All the while I was believing that I wasn't worth my salt because I wasn't a "working" mother although for part of that time, I surely was, maybe at the Birth Center as a birth assistant or at Weight Watchers as a leader but hey- that's another story.
I remember at one point when Jessie was an infant and Lily was the most strong-minded three-year old in the history of the universe and I had two preteens and my husband was working 12 hour days I thought I had some horrible disease because I was so damn exhausted all the time. Of course I was nursing Jessie, too. I mean, I went to the doctor and got all sorts of blood tests and he kept telling me I was fine but I could NOT figure out why I wanted to sleep all the time and I look back on those days and I wonder how in hell I made it through.
So now a good long day of getting stuff done seems, once again, like I haven't really accomplished much but I think that probably in fact, I did a full day's work and I'm just grateful as hell that I have the strength I do to take care of the house I am privileged to live in and the yard which gives me so much pleasure and there's plenty of leftovers and the power is on and my husband wants to play some cards after his full day of work and the chickens have clean nests to lay their beautiful eggs in and it's just been a real good day.
I plan on sleeping well tonight.
Appreciate yourself, y'all. I think we all do our best and if we don't get crowns of gold and rubies that's okay. That would be a lot to hold up and take more neck muscles than I have myself personally although a ring or necklace would be tolerable.
All mothers are working mothers as cliched as that is and don't you forget it.
Yours truly...Ms. Moon