Tuesday, October 4, 2011

It's Not Like I'm Walking Into Snake-Infested Waters

Sometimes going to town makes me feel saner. Less like one of Life's Big Loser's in the social department.

Not today.

What is WRONG with me?
I went to the New Leaf where I had one thing to buy and it was on sale, plus, I saw my Billy and that was wonderful. But while I was talking to him, I noticed that I was having a small attack of those little visual light-aura things which can precede a migraine. I haven't had a migraine in years so it was interesting and I didn't worry too much and then I went to the Ross next door to the New Leaf and there I saw my dear Pat in the aisle and instead of reverse-stalking her and creeping out, hopefully unnoticed as I generally do when I see someone I know, I yelled her name and we hugged and I thought to myself how lucky I was to have hugged two people whom I love so much in one short amount of time and we chatted and her daughter was there and we chatted too and it was GOOD! But the visual thing continued.

Then off to Goodwill. Oh hell. What can be less stressful than Goodwill? Not much. I got a few things and then went across the street to Target where I bought Owen some clothes and myself some face cream (I am going to REGENERIST THIS FACE, Y'ALL! I SWEAR!) and some coffee and the vision was fine and all was well, just a sort of tiny dull ache behind my eyes but I wasn't drooling or dropping things so I figured I was okay and then off to Costco because we are out of frozen berries for smoothies.

No problem there, didn't see a soul I knew.

Next stop, Publix, then I'm done, back home and safe again and Lily was at Publix and honestly, I had a fine time there, too, although as I was picking out smoked turkey for sandwiches, I heard two people talking about how things are MEANT to happen, even the bad things and I wanted to tell them that I don't think so but I didn't. I mean, I'm not completely insane.

By this time I realized that the muscles in my back were aching like crazy and my neck too and I think that's probably where the entire near-migraine situation came from. I get so tense at the very idea of driving into town and seeing people, EVEN PEOPLE WHOM I LOVE, that I literally almost make myself sick.

Why do I do this? I don't dislike going to town that much. I love my new-to-me Prius. It's a sweet little car and it's so nice to look at the digital read-out and have it tell me that I am getting 99.9 miles to the gallon and it makes me slow down and there's nothing at all wrong with slowing down, is there?

I don't know. I just know that I feel now like I'm sort of in a dazy dream and am trying to relocate myself. I am sure I will. Eventually. I feel like I want to go lay down and close my slightly achy eyes and go away entirely but I can't because it's too late to nap and too early for bed. However, on the plus side, I now have enough coffee and toilet paper and dried cherries and dog food that I won't have to go to town for weeks.
Maybe months.

And in an unrelated note, I have taken off the word verification test one more time and if I get slammed with spam then it's back on forever and that is that. I don't like it either but spam sucks and I don't like the idea of those weird spambots touching my blog with any part of their spambotted bodies.

So do you do that? Get all stressed out by things that are ridiculous and don't matter and have to talk yourself down back to reality when you get home and can take off your bra?
Just wondering.


  1. Yeah. I felt quite panicky about work today. And it was as bad as I expected, and I had to go 'two more hours just two more hours' and then forget about it, and just do it. And then the two hours were over, and I told myself, see?

    Breathe and recognise that you feel scared but still keep going. It's scary but it's ok, and breathe it in and be with it - maybe that could stop it going in to your head and back and all. Re-relax yourself once a minute, if you have to. Do it all in little steps.

    I dunno. Being out makes getting home and taking your bra off sweeter. I know, I have plenty of home-all-day, bra-off days :)

  2. Ohh, I think blogger has sorted the spam now - you get comments on your, um, what does blogger call it, the dashboard, comment modifier page, and you can delete them - but they won't show up here any more.

  3. Yeah, but not lately now that I think of it. I'm cured! Hahahahaha.

    I want to go to sleep and wake up in January.

  4. Call me crazy, but I kind of like the "word" verification. It asks us to think about those crazy zigzaggy letters - which I imagine the onslaught of a migraine might make a "normal" word look.

    When the only time I can remember things is at 3am, I know that I'm stressed out. Bras aren't in my de-stress mode, though.

  5. This really hit home with me Ms. Moon. I am so much like this. If I see an old friend across the street, I hide, and reverse stalking is well known to me. And, I complain about being lonely. Friends I've had for ages, to go to their home takes all my courage. However, once I am there I'm fine. Go figure.

    And God knows, I hate bras--especially since I've gained weight. But, I refuse to buy new ones because I'm going to lose the weight any day now. Right? If you should ever need to talk to someone who knows neurosis intimately, I'm your man. Okay, girl.

  6. Yep, sure do. I think a bit of it comes from procrastination for me. The longer I am able to put something off, the longer I do it, the longer I do it, the bigger of a deal it becomes in my mind, the bigger a deal it becomes in my mine, the more anxiety I experience, the more anxiety I experience, the more I want to put off the inevitable....

    and like that.

    I have to put myself into what I refer to as S. Florida mode and just put my head down and get to it. Once I'm doing it, I'm usually ok....

    Maybe you try to do too many things in one trip..? I was tired out just thinking of all those stops. Maybe try baby steps. One or two places on each trip to town...?

    Anyway, you lived to tell the tale and that's the important thing! Did the chickens come home?

  7. Jo- It's weird because I don't feel scared. I just get headaches and shit.

    Stephanie- I want to go to sleep and wake up in Mexico.

    Jucie- I would never call you crazy. Ever.

    Rubye- I have always hated bras. Skinny or fat. I just hate them. They are ridiculous.
    I am grateful to know that I am not the only person who reverse-stalks.

    Ms. Fleur- But if I don't make so many stops, I have to make more trips. So there you go.
    Yes, the chickens all made it home and are in the hen house. Thank-you. Were they on your side of the fence or mine as they scratched in the bamboo?

  8. I have little tolerance for the hassles of going out unless it's for something fabulous. Today there were no carts at Petsmart and I had to buy heavy bags of cat litter, and then at the pharmacy they rearranged everything. Honest to god, I was talking out loud complaining about everything to myself like a crazy woman. If anyone I knew had seen me, they would sure as hell have pretended they didn't.
    Home now. In pajama pants. Bra on. It's the panties I can't stand.

  9. Hell, yes, Mary......I have the anxiety prickles not just when I go out, but even when the friends I love come to my house. (apparently, you are spared that, you lucky soul.)

    With me, I have to switch to a different mode as soon as anyone enters the communication zone..... I become more vulnerable.

    ... Interacting with people and the world is a whole different thing for me, from just dealing with my own craziness in the safety of my hermit cave. (and here home I have the magic Evil Ray Deflector functioning 24/7.)

    I hardly ever surprise myself painfully the way other people can surprise (and wound or enrage ) me. It takes a certain courage for me to expose myself to that risk, small though it may be.

    I am not as sensitive to being wounded these days, but the danger of becoming enraged has increased with each decade.

  10. Denise- Well, panties don't bother me but I do not wear them to bed. Gawd. I am not sure we are supposed to go out into the world.

    Lo- Uh. No. I am not spared that. I deal with it. I hide. I do. I know it.

  11. Things are not MEANT to happen for a reason. Things happen. They just happen. Sometimes I will run into someone and I say that we were meant to run into each other and sometimes things do seem weirdly coincidental but I think things just happen.

  12. I went through a year when I couldn't get into lifts or go near escalators because I had a falling sensation, like vertigo but with a cold sweat and trembling like a leaf. My year of living horizontally.

    Good luck with not being spammed. I get Viagra-selling bots all the time.

  13. Sometimes it's a relief for me to get all stressed out about the little stuff. Because it's just little stuff. Do you know what I mean?

    Today, I felt entirely stressed so when I dropped my son off at flag football practice, I ran to the mall and had one of those Asian man back massages in the chair, right in the middle of the mall.

  14. I strongly object: "Life's Big Loser's in the social department". You are not a loser, you are a winner. Things happened to you but you still managed to raise your kids to good people, you met this wonderful husband, and Owen just happened in your life...
    Look at the comments you get: those are not comments meant for losers. People read your words and listen to you. Which is pretty fab in my book...

  15. I almost NEVER get stressed out, unless a problem is virtually beyond fixing. I am a depressed person, therefore, I have no energy to get all worked up over little shit. I have a bad tendency to hide my head in the sand until a problem is nearly beyond fixing.

    I also rarely feel guilty. Same reason--no energy. I just need to make it through the damn day, and that's hard enough without making obstacles for myself. Got me?

    Love you.

  16. Yay to no word verification. I just moderate the comments and publish those that aren't spam. The Russian porn sites will have to get their hits elsewhere.

    As far as going to town, I sometimes don't put on underwear and get away with it. Reminds me of the Buffet song about the Pencil Thin Mustache. Swinging free is a good thing.

  17. Birdie- I'm with you on that one. For sure.

    Mary LA- It wouldn't change my life much not to go on escalators but I can see how it surely would for some people in different situations. Isn't it odd the things our minds make us do and don't let us do?

    Elizabeth- If there were an Asian Man chair massage in our mall, I would have done the same. Did it help?

    Photocat- Oh, I'm cool here in blog world. Not so much in Real World.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I adore the pragmatist in you. You are my idol.

    Ms. Fleur- I figured.

    Syd- But that's a pain, too. Isn't it?

  18. I do that every day. Today we went on a field trip and there were too many people i knew. I like those people, it was just too much. I forced myself to stay for two hours then we snuck out.

  19. Yes. But I have to take off my shoes. But yes. x

  20. Lora- I completely understand. And it's all right.

    Mwa- Barefoot is the best way to be connected to the earth.


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