Sunday, October 30, 2011

Bright Morning

Sunday morning and it is chilly and Owen is coming today. We don't usually get Owen on the weekends as his other grandma has him then but there was a wedding last night and other grandma is bound to be exhausted and so Bop and I are getting him. When Lily called last night, from the wedding, to ask me if he could come here today, she sounded so tired.
She even cried, thinking that she was asking too much because I'm going to have the boy this week for four days.
"Oh honey," I said. "Bring him over. We'll have a wonderful time with him."
And we will.
I think I am going to make him pancakes.

I'm glad he's coming. My dreams last night were horrible. Just awful. I have begun to feel that I am in a Poe story myself- one in which the protagonist refuses to go to sleep because her dream-world is so horrific, so wearying. And thus, she goes insane. Is she insane because of the dreams or does she have such dreams because she is insane?

Whichever, it is damn good to have sweetness while awake.

Pancakes. With maple syrup. There will be peaches in them today and bananas and nuts and half a sweet potato. The house will smell like syrup, Owen will be sticky-sweet. His Bop will be here to play with him too. What could be better? What could be more important?
It's so odd how I perceive myself as a grandmother. It is like being a mother and yet, nothing at all like being a mother. My role, as I see it, is to just deliver love and attention and such sweetness as there is available to us. To sit on the steps with the boy and share popcorn with the chickens.

The antidote to crazy.
Funny how well it works out for me.

Yes. We are happy to have that boy here today. He can play with his new toys on the kitchen floor while Mr. Moon makes the chili and I tell him what to do. We never got around to it last night. We will do it today.

It is Sunday morning. It is chilly. It is a bright and beautiful day here. I will creep out of this creeped-out state of mind I am in, the residue of dreams. I will give and collect an entire new bushel's worth of hugs and kisses.

This is life. This is not a dream.

I am grateful.


  1. Sounds like a wonderful Sunday. Wish I was there to have pancakes with y'all.

    I made French toast, or pain perdu, as it is known here. I'm going out for a quick walk as a couple of new friends are coming over for apertif (wine and snacks) around 5:30.

    Enjoy your day with the Boy and the Man. x0 N2

  2. Sorry about the dreams. It would definitely make me crazy if I couldn't sleep... THAT is why you feel crazy. Not because of the dreams and not as a result of them, it's because you are sleep deprived.

    Since I'm codependent, I cannot help myself, so I have a suggestion to try. Maybe you can get a tape of a really sweet children's story or pop in one of those videos like Spot or Kipper, and fall asleep watching/listening to something really sweet...? I feel terrible for you.

    Owen is a joyful little one. I love the sound of his voice and the inflections he makes when he's excited. So fun.


  3. It's odd how you can step into the day with remnants of the dreams lingering around you. The pancakes sound yummy. I am now wondering if I will make some too. The connection between Ripon UK and Florida near Monticello...

  4. I agree with PF that some pleasant music or story can sometimes help with dreams. Although, once I tried listening to some meditative tape before going to sleep and each night I would have nightmares. I think there must have been some weird subliminal message hidden away in the tape. Anyway, when I was a kid I would have bad dreams about snakes at times and they really bothered me. Somehow, I figured out that if I thought about snakes before going to bed, I wouldn't have the bad dreams. It worked. I guess it was a matter of bringing the subconscious symbol to the forefront of consciousness...

  5. N2- Have a beautiful evening!

    Ms. Fleur and Rubye Jack- No. I could never go to sleep with music on. I have to have it Also, the dreams I remember come in the early morning but thank-you. And it's not just one object or situation I dream of- it is an entire catalog of the bizarre.

    Photocat- Yep. Big world but very small, too.

  6. It is a miracle how Owen will remember you and Elvis and riding the tractor and the whole wide world you have given him. He will carry his grandmother and grandfather with him his whole entire life as a touchstone a place where he can sit grounded no matter what. What a gift you have given him with your goodness and intelligence and sense of humor and kindness. Lucky boy.

  7. I am sorry that your dreams literally haunt you. I wonder if you are on some sort of medication that "enhances" the dream state of sleep and if so whether it might be changed or the dose tinkered with.

    Have a beautiful Sunday with Owen.

  8. I don't like the weird dreams. Have had them for several days now on and off. I wonder what is bubbling up in my psyche.

  9. You've got some good medicine there. Fatal overdose not possible. Side effects can include some exhaustion and the need for a nap.
    I hope the extra time with Owen chases the evil dreams away.

  10. I have been having dreams that I don't want to remember. Terrible, dark and empty dreams. Dreams where the world is loveless and my family is not here. There is no god or God or even a Creator. It is just a dark void. My children, my family and friends are all non-existent. In this dream I have to spend eternity in this place, alone and panicked. I take an Ativan before bed and that usually stops them.

  11. You have given me a serious pancake jones. With maple syrup,of course.I also ate an entire pumpkin pie in the space of twelve hours. Have you and Owen ever sung Row, row, row your boat? Maybe you can all sing rounds while Mr Moon stirs his chili. On second thought, maybe that song wouldn't be your favorite. There's always Make new friends but keep the old....

  12. Your grandmother skills are amazing. It's precious to hear you talk about how much you love your grandbaby. There should be more grandmothers like you in this world.

    Sorry about your dreams. Bad dreams suck.

  13. Madame King- Oh, god, I hope so. Maybe some tiny torch of love will always burn with our names on it for him. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

    Elizabeth- Yes. I think it is the antidepressant but I am scared to screw around with it. Damn.

    Syd- There are definitely some garbage pits in my head.

    Denise- Possibly. Possibly. I don't know what I'd do without him. That's the damn truth.

    Birdie- I am glad you have the Ativan.

    A- You know, we have not sung those songs. I need to start doing more singing with the boy. Thanks for reminding me.

  14. I bet your pancakes are the antidote to EVERYTHING wrong with the universe.

    I'll be right over.

    XXX Beth

    PS I got some grape jelly for ya.


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