Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Call Me Young Lady And I'll Bite Your Damn Head Off

So I was down at the trash place, you know, where you take your recycle and garbage and the guy down there was the short jokey one. He's very nice, always offers to help, does, in fact help, even if I don't want or need help but not in an intrusive way. More in the way of it's his job and he does it cheerfully but today he pissed me off.

First thing he said to me was "How're you doin' today, young lady?"

Well now, I understand that he was trying to be nice, make an old woman's day, etc., but it just PISSED ME OFF. He's probably not as old as I am. I would assume that a guy who works at the trash depot may have lived an interesting life full of possibly difficult choices if you catch my drift and so he may look one age but be another and if this is so, I would not think to err on the side of him being older than he looks.

I told him I was fine and he said he was fine and then he said something COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS AND INAPPROPRIATE although I swear, I still think he was trying to throw the old lady a bone but no, not in the sexual way, just in the Oh-poor-old-thing way. He said, and I quote, "How old are you? Thirty? Thirty-five?"

I just didn't know what to say. I wanted to say SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DUMP MY TRASH but instead I said, "I have kids older than that and you know it."
Well, as a matter of fact, he has no idea if I have kids of any age but still.
He knew he'd offended me and he did a little verbal tap dance around the idea that I should be flattered but I wasn't flattered. I was just pissed off.
But I was in a bad mood so it probably wasn't anything at all and really, he was just trying to be nice.

But I thought to myself as I pulled out of there that I have now reached the point in my life where the dude at the trash depot thinks it would be the kind, decent thing to try and give the old girl a thrill.

At the trash depot. Where you dump your trash. And there are flies. And it stinks.


But as I so often say, this is not what I came here to talk about.

Lily got a sonogram today and here is one of the pictures.

I have no idea what I'm looking at there and don't ask if it's a boy or a girl because we don't know and don't want to know. But it's a BABY, y'all! With a head and a spine and a heart with four chambers and two arms and two legs and well, that's about the awesomest thing I can imagine.
A baby.

Owen was asleep when I got to his house and when he woke up to find his parents gone he was a bit upset for about thirty seconds and then he realized that Sesame St. was on and he settled down and asked for oatmeal.

Here he is, eating oatmeal and being mesmerized.

He ate the entire bowl. And his apples.

When his mama and daddy got back the rain had stopped and Lily and Owen and I picked up Bop and headed over to the Jr. It was pretty much fun.

I forget what animal we were looking at here. Maybe this gator.

That's a whoppin' big gator. I think I'd rather be thrown into the bear enclosure than down there with that old reptile.

Here's your artistic photo for the day. A spider web with rain drops still on it.

Owen had a bit of a traumatic incident wherein his finger got stuck between a cow's head in the old farm area and the fence and it got pinched.

He cried. But he recovered.

I love the old farm. Especially the old farmhouse. There's such a beautiful simplicity to it.

We patted the horse and we saw the mule and the pig and the turkeys and the sheep and the snakes and the turtles. We saw many native Florida plants which, surprise, surprise! you can see right here in my yard in Lloyd. Which makes me very happy.

Here's Owen learning to grind corn. Okay. He thought he was driving something.

Drivin' the old corn grinder. Uh-huh.

The last stop at the museum is one of Owen's favorites. It's an old caboose. Here he is, trying out a perch.

So it was a fine day at the museum and we timed it just about right to leave and go to lunch and then take him home for a nap.

I should have taken one too and NOT taken the trash but I did so there you go.

And that's me, reporting in from the village of Lloyd where the house I live in is older than the house they have there at the museum. Haha! We were talking to a woman in Apalachicola the other day and when she heard we were from Lloyd, she said, "I remember when there were only two houses in Lloyd."
"We live in one of them," I said.

It's true. We do.

The sun is out. The trash is taken, the kitchen floor is mopped. My new grandchild has a head and a heart, among other vital things, all in the appropriate places.

Life is good. For a young lady. Life is good.


  1. i used to have those engineer overalls! glad y'all had a good day and thanks for sharing the sonogram with us.


  2. Baby! Drivin' the corn grinder made me laugh. Lily looks great.

  3. There was a teenager at a local fast food place that called all the elderly ladies "young lady". I wanted to tell him that he sounded patronizing. Not cute.

    And a baby...

    ♪♪come-a-ty-yi-yippee-yippee-yay! ♪♪

  4. Mrs. A- I need to find a pair of those for myself. And can you believe- that's a BABY?

    Stephanie- She is beautiful, that Lily.

    Birdie- Yes, baby. We are so waiting for you! Young lady or young man, our arms are waiting.

  5. Butchers always do the "miss" or "young lady" thing. Are they taught this? Is it a butcher tradition? Is it to smooth over the awkwardness of trading in dead flesh? It's the opposite of how people used to make that call in France, where unless you were obviously a girl they'd say Madame rather than Mademoiselle, just to be respectful...

    Owen's finger mishap reminds me of one of the fire station's log entries in the local paper, reporting sending the firemen out to rescue a small boy whose finger was stuck in a can of Hershey's chocolate syrup.

    Lily looks radiant!

  6. I can totally believe getting your finger stuck in a can of chocolate syrup.

  7. Love all of this. And I think I'm only gonna have one grandchild so I'm a wee bit jealous.

    And being called 'young lady'...Grrrrrr. I don't care for 'ma'am' either. But the worst around here is when my sweet honey gets called 'sir'. Uh, she's a girl. OPEN YOUR EYES, fercrissakes. I've started responding with 'really?'" And boy howdy, folks get so embarrassed. Jeez, I'm so sorry, I thought you were a, um...


    Blessings on your leetle newt, iridescent spine and limbs!!!

    Love, Nana Beth

  8. I think you should write murder mysteries that take place in Lloyd. Just write them how you talk. I'll buy every one.

    That first picture of Owen eating oatmeal 'mesmerized' made me smile with my mouth open. Like this ()


  9. That pic of the old farmhouse is beautiful, the wooden chair and the wash basin. In a parallel life I would have been a Florida farmer's wife back in the last century.

  10. Looks like you all had a great day at the Junior Museum. There is something about those first sonograms of a new baby that is so moving, even when the details are hard to make out. Hugs to the family. x0 N2

  11. A- Exactly. I am older. Show me the respect.

    DTG- Or even condensed milk.

    Beth Coyote- Ha! I have been there with loved ones being called "sir." Yes I have. I don't mind being called ma'am but I am southern.

    Maggie May- I am not smart enough to write murder mysteries. I wish.

    Mary LA- I know it was a terrible hard life, but I am drawn to that feeling of recognition too.

    N2- It's all just proof that it's a baby which is reassuring.

  12. Beautiful baby! I'm glad you got to go to the museum. That old gator must like napping next to that tree because I took my picture of him there over a week ago.

  13. That old farmhouse looks great. I do like the photo of the sink and the wash tub.

    I haven't been called Young Lady. But I don't like being called by much but my name. The other stuff sounds trite. I am glad that I don't have to mingle much with the trash folks. We have a dump here that is affectionately called the Island K-Mart. I once got a pedestal table there that I refinished and is beautiful. The dump guy and woman are pretty good. And the place is kept very clean now. It used to be a real dump.

  14. i never get tired of seeing sweet owen's face. so many expressions, all of them adorable. how does your heart stand it?

    glad it was a good day, despite the trash man.

  15. That young lady shit is just condescending as FUCK. He'd have gotten an EARFUL from my old ass.

  16. I'm afraid old-ladiness is denoted by the inability to make out the baby shape in scans. I can very clearly see a baby head there. SO exciting!

    As for the obnoxious pseudo-flirty man, well, this is why we still need feminism. It's bullshit, and sure he means well and has no understanding of what's wrong with what he's doing, but it doesn't stop it being bullshit behaviour. But you have to pick your battles, I guess. Sigh.

  17. I can't believe what a big boy, Owen is getting to be.
    And that trash man? Really, some men just disgust me!


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