Tuesday, October 25, 2011

In Which I Demonstrate Once Again How Ancient I Am

Well god, I went to town. I went to BEST BUY! I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate that place and not just because they have all the delicious Apple products which I cannot buy. No, they have TOO MUCH NOISE AND TOO MUCH BLACK STUFF AND PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY, VERY YOUNG WHO LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M DRIVING A BUGGY BECAUSE I WANT TO BUY A CD WALKMAN!
Hey- it was a CD player, not a tape player (and they do have one of those, oh yes they do. One.)

I also went to World Market. They always want your damn phone number and e-mail address. I said, "I don't do that."
The woman behind the counter didn't seem to give a shit, and for that, I am grateful.
I know they can find my phone number and e-mail address if they want to. I just find it absurd and refuse to participate.

And then I went to Target and it happened again- before I had my card back in my wallet and my wallet in my purse, the cashier had already rung up and bagged the purchase of the person behind me.
Shit, pe0ple! Why are we in such a damn hurry? There was no one behind the person behind me either. I think I hate this because it makes me feel old. Like, "Oh, god, these OLD people. They take so LONG!" Don't even get me started about what happens if you happen to want to pay with cash and TAKE THE INFINITELY INCREDIBLY SUPER LONG TIME IT TAKES TO GET EXACT CHANGE OUT OF YOUR WALLET!
Again with the looks like I've no doubt got a horse tied up outside while you're counting out your pennies.

I guess I am old. I screwed up at least three POS (that's point of service, not piece of shit) debit card machine transactions. One was NOT my fault, okay?

Anyway, after all of that I went to the liquor store where I ran into an old neighbor-friend and we sat there in front of the beer coolers and talked for probably forty-five minutes. It was GREAT! She mentioned she had company coming but she didn't care. "So what?" she said. "I don't even like 'em that much." We discussed everything from our kids to New Yorker short stories to my obsession with Keith Richards. And how much we hate leaving our houses.

So I've had a big day. HUGE! I even went to the library too. Yeah, I know. I go to the library all the time. I am counting down the days before the new branch library opens on "my" side of town. (Nine days.)

But now I'm home and Mr. Moon will be here in awhile and the venison is about ready and I need to get the sheets off the line. Practice my dramatic reading of Masque Of The Red Death because we're doing that on Friday and there are still passages that trip me up.
Oh well. Hopefully, everyone will be drunk and not notice. Monticello is good about that.

And that's it. Oh shit. I just realized I forgot to buy shortening for the biscuits. Well, I shall improvise. I am home and all is well and I can figure it out. Right after I go feed the horse her oats and wash down ye olde buggy and take my corset off and beat my rugs with a rug beater and my eggs with an egg beater and post this on that newfangled interweb thingee.

If you're reading this, I somehow managed. Will wonders never fucking cease?


  1. Heh, bless you. You're doing great. Just imagine if you lived in the city!

  2. I'm not big on leaving the house much either, Ms Moon. It might be a function of aging, but it might also be a preference for a gentler style of living.

  3. I'm reading a book about single women homesteaders at the turn of the century. Last century, of course. The POS was the stage coach depot.

  4. I told a girl/hostess in a restaurant that I loved her dress and that it reminded me of a dress I wore as a going-away dress at my wedding, and she said, "I know, I love it. It's vintage."

  5. I refuse to call you ancient. If you are ancient I am prehistoric. Pre-geriatric. We are in our fifties, we are young. We look young. I think that my aunts looked like we do now at 30... That is the impression I have in my mind. We are no spring chickens but we sure ain't old.
    This is supposed to be the time in our life where we finally have gathered some wisdom and have earned respect. Bwahahahahaha... O, and congrats on the anniversary once more! Time to let your devils loose when Mr Moon enters the house.

  6. I was just thinking about rug beaters this morning! No kidding.

    I hate Best Buy too.

  7. And as long as you don't write a check I don't think you take too long at the check out :)

  8. OMG-you went everywhere I hate going but must sometimes. And yes, they're in a fine hurry. But I'll tell you a secret about cashiers. They're TIMED and if they're TOO SLOW, they get dinged in one way or another. My honey is a cashier in the local health food store and they recently 're-trained' her...after working there for 5 years. Harrumph.

    But yes, the world is way fast. And we older folk just watch it pass, as William Stafford said..."jittery with the disease of youth." And you be at slow as you want, honey. There's lots of us.
    XXXXX Beth

  9. I've only been to a Best Buy twice in my life. It's not at the top of the list. I HAVE worn a serious corset on three occasions. I'd rather do that again than go back to Best Buy.

  10. I've only been to a Best Buy twice in my life. It's not at the top of the list. I HAVE worn a serious corset on three occasions. I'd rather do that again than go back to Best Buy.

  11. You gave me a nice chuckle reading this. Hope you had a pleasant evening with Mr. Moon, and I was reminded of a Ghandi quote when you mentioned how people are always in a hurry: There is more to life than increasing its speed.

  12. Oh my lord, that was a belly laugh! I could just picture the whole thing happening and the little wheels in your head turning and wonderin' "what the hell??"

    Personally I feel it is my duty to go as slow as possible and just smile at them like a demented old lady the whole time....slow 'em down, it's good for 'em !

  13. I love you Ms. Moon. You made me laugh, not once but three times--not an easy task. I wish we lived in the same town so I could stand behind you in line at the box stores and make wise cracks to the cashier. Ah well, I still have a CD player, or is it Walkman. Hell if I know. It works.

  14. Hehehe...you were the most comfortable at the liquor store... :))

    I imagine the cashier at World Market was relieved to not have to enter all that crap in the computer for once. She was just trying to get through her day too.

    Once again Happy Anniversary!

  15. I had to talk to my class about desegregated busing in the late 70's - early 80's. They looked at me as though I rode on a bus with Rosa Parks.

  16. I went to a birthday party last weekend where someone asked me what I have planned to do for my 40th birthday, only to have this 20 year old exclaim: Oh my god!!! I had no idea you were SO old!
    I really wanted to slap her.

  17. 'who cares? i don't like them anyway!' haha!!!

  18. Also, happy anniversary :) I read your post with some memories of you and Mr. Moon and was engrossed. I'd love to hear a shit-load of details.
    It's a marvelous read. xo

  19. ps
    i said shit-load just for you. xo

  20. i don't know you but come to your blog often. Your honesty is so refreshing. It seems like you have a great life with your Owen and Mr. Moon. I like you and will look forward to reading your words each day!

  21. I wonder if my recurring obsession with Roberto Bolano is anything like your Keith Richards obsession. I could spend hours just looking at blurry pics of the man. I know all kinds of details about his life and pore over profiles and excerpts. Bolano, mi amor.

    I bribe myself to go shopping with a promise that there will be browsing in the library for ages afterwards.

  22. "Anyway, after all that I went to the liquor store."
    --Cracked me up! Glad you ran into a kindred "spirit" there.
    Cool about the new library. Years ago my area build a ton of them--now county revenue is so bad that have drastically cut down the hours.

  23. Okay so I didn't read as thoroughly after the World Market bit, but listen.

    If you sign up for their World Market Rewards, you get coupons online for $10.00 off your purchase once a month, plus loads of other discounts. I use it all the time. One of my dear friends is a manager at the one in our town. They've never called me or anything, and I don't think they sell the info.

    Also, I am reading Feather Crowns (at your suggestion) and woah Nellie is it good. Thank you for that.

  24. Jo- Bizarrely, I do dream about living in the city sometimes. It would be strange.

    Elisabeth- Yes. I think so.

    A- The STAGE COACH! Yes.

    Elizabeth- Oh fer christ's sake.

    Photocat- I did put on lipstick for Mr. Moon's arrival. AND mascara. He was stunned, I think.

    Stephanie- Someone must love Best Buy. Not me. Rug beater. Huh. I have no idea why that image came to me. Maybe you sent it.

    Beth- I know that about the being-timed thing. And THAT pisses me off.

    Ms. Trouble- I have never worn a corset nor plan to do. You know I can't even stand a bra.

    Mr. Shife- GREAT QUOTE!

    liv- I don't know. Seems to me that sometimes those poor cashiers might explode. Think of the mess!

    Rubye Jack- I'm still listening to books on a tape Walkman. Yes I am.

    Mel's Way- You're right about the cashier at the World Market. She was no spring chicken either.

    Omgrrrl- Just wait. It does not get better.

    Angie M- I had a similar experience lately. I told the girl in this case that I had kids older than she was. And I DID want to slap her.

    Maggie May- You'd love my old neighbor-friend. And I'm so happy I made you say "shit load."

    Anonymous- Well. Thanks!

    Mary LA- I had to google him! Wow!
    Whatever gets us through the night, right?

    Michele R- Yeah, I don't even like the liquor store that much but it must be visited occasionally. Sometimes I can't believe that libraries are still funded at all. A blessed miracle.

  25. silverfinofhope- But I only go there about twice a year! So it's not worth it. I'm SO glad you like that book. I had a feeling you surely would.

  26. We are all in a rush these days. It happens in line, in the car, in a restaurant--what are we hurrying about? We are each ticking another second towards death. I want to slow it down and not hurry. I want to savor the moments and not be pushed along any faster. Maybe it is time to simply be slow and not be worried about what others think, ignore the sighs and the eye rolls. We can stage our own version of a "sit down".

  27. The liquor store would be the best last-stop for a trip to town, but then I am biased.

  28. What if you had enough eggs that you had to beat them with a rug beater?

  29. Ms.Bastard-Beloved- Well, it IS on the way out of town.

    DTG- Gettin' to that point. I swear. You need eggs? I MISS YOU, BOY!


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.