Monday, October 31, 2011

Do Not Feed The Nose

What an odd day. What a very odd day.

This morning was lovely. Owen got here very bright-eyed and happy and threw himself into his Bop's arms for one of the best hugs in history and then he trotted off with me to bed and we went back to sleep and when we got up we had fun galore and he was extremely generous with hugs and kisses but then the boy stuck something up his nose and I thought it was dog food, a tiny chunkette, and it hurt him and he cried and freaked and I didn't freak but ya know- those things can get sucked down into a lung and so I called his mama and then I took him to town although I knew in my heart he was fine.
He wouldn't let me look and he was crying hysterically so he was breathing okay and he wanted his mama and he coughed a few times and he sneezed a bunch of times and on our way to town he sneezed and said, "Did it!" but you know- can you trust the boy to know? Did what? Sneezed or got rid of the offending foreign object?

So we picked up Lily from work and decided to take him to get a burger and fries and so we did and he seemed normal, normal, normal but we took him to the pediatrician and they sort of laughed at us but hell. You have to get these things made sure of.

He checked out A-Okay and after I dropped Lily and Owen off at their house I looked in his car seat and sure enough, there was a tiny round seed in it which I cannot identify but which may well have been the object.

Kids. He'll probably have mostly forgotten about it by this evening when he will don his Halloween costume and go out with his plastic pumpkin to collect CANDY! as he has been calling it all day. It's not candy, it's CANDY!

I apologized to Lily about a million times although I know as well as anyone that a child will stick things into their orifices (the NP said she's just removed a clothing snap from a child's ear last week) but let's face it- I can't keep my eyes directly on him every second. Well, I could, but that would be crazy.

The ironic thing is, is that Lily has always dreaded the idea that he would stick something up his nose because when she was a little girl the boy next door stuck a peanut up his nose and almost died. He did not, though, and lived to stick a coffee bean up his nose on another occasion.

I have more to talk about but I'm exhausted.

Love...Not The World's Best Grandmother


  1. My grandson filled both his ears with tiny playground gravel. Just because he could. The otolaryngologists (new for ENT) never dealt with that before. Took a special vacuum to get them out. Only took him fifteen seconds of happily playing to get the job done. Yep, you're exhausted! They do that.

  2. I remember sticking a coloured plastic bead up my nose when I was young. somehow my father, my dreaded father managed to get it out, but I shall never forget and to this day I wonder about a child's curiosity and the desire to put objects into holes, even into body holes. It's there in all of us. To see what happens when I do this. Thanks, Ms Moon for inspiring yet another memory.

  3. A friend of mine, when she was a little girl, bit all the fingers and toes off her Barbie dolls, stuffed them up her nose and eventually was taken to the hospital because she was talking like Betty Boop. They had to suck them all out.

    I'm not kidding you, either.

    You're the best grandmother of all time. But I think you know that and just need a bit of reassurance today.

  4. Stephanie- I feel certain you know what I was talking about.

    Joanne- Now THAT'S a good one! Let's hear it for the industrious child who can manage to stuff his ears with playground gravel!

    Elisabeth- It's a wonder any of us survives ANY of it.

    Elizabeth- Perhaps we should all give tiny orifice vacuums to new mothers as shower gifts. I think we might want to think about this as a marketing deal.

  5. Lol., tiny orifice vacuums :)

    If it makes you feel any better, my father managed to get the tip of a pen stuck in his ear while on holiday. He went to the doctor and was mortified to find that she was a very sexy French one, and it wasn't his finest hour.

    Then he went home and ... it happened again. An even less fine hour the second time :)

  6. i only stuffed stuff in other people's noses as a child.

    i didn't have a precious mer-mer to stop me.


  7. Bah. You ask Owen tomorrow who that World's Best Grandmother is. He will have a much different answer than you.

    Please post pictures of Owen in his costume. Oh, please and pretty please!

  8. Jo- Say WHAT?

    Mrs. A- I'm sure you had a good reason!

    Birdie- I will try to snag a picture from Lily.

    DTG- Ha!

  9. Hey Sister Moon--tell Lily that she ain't seen nothin' yet. When I was in second grade I put a thumbtack between my teeth pretending to have a silver tooth. Everyone thought it was so damn funny that I just kept it going until finally I threw my head back to LOL and *GULP*.

    rut roh.

    Well, turns out that most swallowed thumbtacks don't perforate intestines, but the parents ARE still instructed to *confirm* that it passes. Yes. Confirm.


    That's me passing out at the thought of ever having to chop through the poo of a seven year-old for four days straight. . . .

    Oh well. Just like the peanut nose boy, I grew up to be okay. Owen will too.

  10. Owen is awesome, and glad he is OK. Hope he has fun trick-or-treating. I am sure Owen will tell you all about it since you are the world's best grandmother. Happy Halloween!!

  11. I have to laugh about the indestructible kid who stuck the peanut and the coffee bean up his nose. Glad that Owen is okay. Hope that he enjoys Halloween.

  12. With Halloween he will definitely forget all about the trauma. When I read your story I turned to my middle son and asked, "Do you remember the time you put a pom pom up your nose at Ms. B's house? He laughed big time. It was retrieved by tweezers.

  13. Of course you are a Champion G'ma, we know that from hearing about the boy's wonderful days and nights with you.

    I think that little smarty knew he had blown out the offending object. Probably pretty happy to get a special lunch with mom and G'ma. x0 N2

  14. You are TOO the World's Best grandmother! So sez moi.



  15. no, actually you are the world's best grandmother. The boy would have stuck whatever it was up his nose had he been at home under Lily's care.

  16. When I was four I put red hots in my nose ON HALLOWEEN. My eyes watered for two years after.

    The Surfer swallowed a nickle and was certain he was going to die. I think he was also four. He didn't die.

    Also I got a flea in my ear from using my cat as a pillow. I was an adult. No excuse.


  17. my son pushed a raisin up his nose when he was owen's age and them he laughed and we freaked out and took him to the emergency room where he had a nightmarish procedure to look down in his lungs and my husband had to hold him down while he screamed bloody murder and everytime he is cranky now i wonder if we scarred him for life. There was no raisin. Glad mister owen took things into his own hands a blew it out. "Got it!" i love that.

  18. Sister Gradydoctor- Okay. That's good to know about the thumb tack. I bet that silver tooth looked good on you though.

    Mr. Shife- I am sure he'll survive.
    You are so sweet.

    Syd- I hear that he did enjoy it.

    Michele R- The NP who looked at Owen said the worst things kids put up their noses are pieces of Nerf balls which swell up and become very difficult to remove. Pom-pom?

    N2- You're probably right.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I love you.

    Ellen- I know it could have happened at home but why, why WHY did it have to happen here?

    Madame King- You've always lived life on the edge.

    Angella- I seriously doubt that is the reason for your son's crankiness but you made me laugh.

  19. You know the little bit at the end of a biro, that plugs the top? It came out - into his ear. He clearly has a bad ear scratching fidget habit.

  20. Kids. They probably figure that if they get something out of the nose, they should be able to put something back.


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