Sunday, February 14, 2016

Can't Imagine A Prettier Day To Be Anxious

Valentine's Day and that was sitting by my plate this morning when I served our breakfast on the porch. It's another perfectly gorgeous day and bright and blue and light-shot and my lover is cleaning up the kitchen and all is well, is well, is well, and I am so filled with anxiety that I'm vibrating.

So, I tell myself as I tell others, anxiety is a lying bitch, and then, to myself and myself only I say, get on with it, just please do.

I will. I know I will. But fuck.

Rusty's still in the tree and Lily got in touch with the Chaires Fire Department and they said, "Nah, he'll come down," and Jessie sent me a video of August bouncing in a bouncy thing, grinning and bouncing, my heart filling with the sweetness, despite, and I am going to make chocolate truffles for my Valentine and he's going to till the garden for the potatoes and I haven't done laundry in two days so there is that and my stomach hurts and my mouth is dry and I am not thinking properly, which perhaps goes without saying when anxiety is involved.

Orange cat walks through the border grass jungle, chickens flock from one part of the yard to another, springsap rises and swells limb buds, I am here, I am not here, I am there, I do not know where that is, exactly, and Happy Valentine's Day and it'll all be okay.

I would love to tenderly hold your hand.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Aw, Mary, I hope the anxiety is short-lived. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your fella. That is an incredibly beautiful bloom he chose for you.

  2. Fucking anxiety. It is the most real feeling lie. Letting you hold my hand.

  3. And I have a story, for what it's worth, about our cat when he climbed a tree - not as tall as the tree Lily's cat climbed, but still ... My husband went partway up a ladder and held a long plank up close to the cat. He (the cat) took the escape route but he also took a few pieces out of my husband at the same time with his claws. I understand the fire department not wanting to use their resources every time they turn around, "just" for a cat, but cats can be injured if they lose their footing and fall. Here are some ideas and some points I hadn't thought of (such as the cat could be caught on something or injured): .....good luck.

  4. You need a distraction.
    I've already eaten a box of chocolates today. I'm not shitting you. It's not yet noon here and I've eaten them all. All. The. Chocolate.
    Try to focus on your breathing Mary. Deep breaths that make your belly rise and fall. Or get angry. Anger and anxiety are opposing emotions that can't be held simultaneously. Read some dumb shit Trump says.
    If you were here, or I were there, I'd let you take my hand and we could go for a long walk until we were too tired to be anxious/eat chocolate.
    Wishing you peace today. And maybe a giggle or two.

  5. What? The fire department just shrugged? Maybe you
    need to find a climber, as someone else suggested.
    A cat-loving arborist.

  6. Happy Velentines day, sweet Mary. Some years I hate these enforced celebrations. This year is one of them. So much pressure to make a grand gesture. Sometimes true love is sitting in the same room quietly reading, looking up now and then to make some exchange. I'm not up to the grand gesture.

  7. Holding your hand and anxious too right there by your side.


  8. Sorry the anxiety is back. I once saw the fire dept get a cat out of a tree, when I was a child, back when they would still do that. They used the water hose to knock it out of the tree. The cat ran off. I do think it was alright, but it was an horrible way for them to get it down. Gail

  9. Reaching out to grab your hand from here. I hear you. And you know that this will pass. I would tell myself that I can get through the next five minutes when I was going through mind racing obsession and anxiety. And I did. Will continue to read your other posts. Thank you for being here.

  10. Google said Fire Dept won't come, but tree surgeons will, as they don't have the same level of life saving emergencies to atttend, and they have similar equipment.

    He might not come down! No one wants to watch a cat starve to death in a tree. Still... maybe tie some tuna half way up or something?

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. My friend Jonny recently had to hire a guy for a few hundred dollars to climb a pine and get his cat down safely. The guy said if they don't come down within a day or two, they probably can't figure it out on their own.

  13. jenny_o- Thank you, sweet woman. And thank you for the cat-up-the-tree tips. Rusty is too far up for anyone to reach him with a regular ladder or a board. And I'm pretty sure he's not injured and we know he's not caught on anything. We've watched him move around.

    Birdie- Ain't that the truth? Thank you.

    Heartinhand- I've been too anxious for the likes of chocolate although I did make some lovely bittersweet, chocolate pecan truffles for the man. I think a walk would have been perfect. I wish we could have taken one.

    A- They are expensive as hell.

    Angella- No Grand Gestures for me either. Just small ones. And those have been lovely, and definitely part of true love. I'd rather have my garden tilled than a box of chocolates or a dozen hot-house roses any day.

    Michelle- Oh, darling. I think of you every day when I look at the beautiful gift you sent me from Mexico. I miss you so much and wonder how you are. Sending love and my hand to you.

    Gail- Good god! That sucks! And Rusty is way too far up the tree for that to help at all. I'm sorry you had to see that as a child.

    Syd- Thank you, dear man, for being HERE.

    Jo- The tree surgeons do charge a fee...
    He has tuna in a bin, just waiting for him to jump in it and be lowered down. So far, he has not done that.

    Hank- I feel certain we've reached that point. If he could have come down, he would have by now. Could we do a quick Go Fund Me to save a cat? Ha!

  14. Oh oh oh I wish I hadn't been so busy. I would have come and tenderly held your hand at least in words. So sorry. I hope you are feeling less anxious now.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.