It's been a strange day, beautiful and quiet and I've not done much and that's felt okay. A perfect day to hang clothes on the line, to let the sun and breeze dry them.
We've got a beloved adopted family member in the hospital today, though, facing what might be a very difficult diagnosis. She's been ill for a long time but none of the doctors have really gotten onboard and have dismissed her symptoms over and over again and now...well.
We hope for the best of course. This week should bring more answers.
And another friend who recently had surgery for cancer is facing a long road of treatment and uncertainty.
Such things can't help but get under the skin, burrow into the heart, cause pain and worry.
I have thought so many times that I wish I was the kind of person to "let go and let god" but I am just not. I am old enough to know that there is only so much I can do but even that thought sometimes is enough to make me feel horrible.
It's a funny world. I got this from Billy the other day.
I don't know whether to be horrified by it, completely amused by it, or comforted by it. But I frequently have a sneaking suspicion that it may be true. I mean- let's face it. Of course I also completely believe that the Beatles were right when they said this.
And I am quite sure that we are all connected, me and you and that butterfly on the Serengeti who flutters her wings and changes things on a level we cannot understand and the rocks and the water and the stars and planets and galaxies and undiscovered creatures under the sea as well as those already known to us and blooming violets and candle flames which we make a wish on and blow out atop a birthday cake and the babies yet turning in their womb-homes and the intelligence of the trees and the secrets the wind carries and the notes the voice sings and the horrors that blind the eyes and the great joys of all sorts of love, which somehow is the very essence of all of the energy although as I have so often said, what we perceive as love is the merest shadow of the most distant universe imaginable and yet...look how powerful it is, even as we know and understand it with our limited human abilities.
I hold on to that. To love. And that sustains me enough to keep on with it all.
I guess that's good enough.