Friday, May 22, 2015

Religion. What On Earth Is It Good For?

I have moved slowly but constantly all day long. One step, one step, one step. Weed this, water this, sweep this, hang this on the line, chop this, saute that, mix this, knead that, stir, taste, season, take things off the line, fold, put away. In short, I've done all the things I needed to do to just not drown.
And I got a lot done, truthfully. My favorite part was weeding the beans with Maurice's help. She reached under the fence and tried to kill my hand as I worked but because I was wearing gloves, she soon tired of the attempt and stalked off. I pitchforked composted hen house hay and used that to mulch and fertilize my beans and when I got down below the surface of the hay, there was delicious, crumbly stuff with worms wiggling all in it.
I am obsessed with my garden this year. I admit it.

My beans with the hay mulch. 

Tiny English cucumbers. 

So many blooms on the cucumbers. I hope to make a vat of Glen's mama's sweet pickles this summer. The ones that take fourteen days of labor and THEN canning because every cucumber molecule is replaced by sugar. It is work and it is worth it. They are so bad for you. They are so delicious. Hopefully I'll make dill pickles too, and maybe pickled beans and the okra, too, if that happens. 
We shall see, we shall see. 

I've made red bean and venison and vegetable soup.

Bread. Ready to go into the oven.

We just had our Friday evening martini walk-about. My herd of chickens

and the loudly quacking duck followed me to the coop where I let them in. 

Mama hen ate from my hand today but she didn't really want to. I took a piece of bread out for her and held a bit out and she did snatch it and call her babies to come eat. I felt honored. 

And when we went into the hen house, Mr. Moon said, "Look at this!" and he pulled out the tiniest egg ever. 

Green and small as an olive. I saw Mabel sitting on the nest yesterday and I asked her, "What are you doing there, you sweet old thing?"
Laying that miniature egg. 

So. Peace here in Lloyd and I feel better. But I tell you something that I keep thinking about which is making me sick. 
Those fucking Duggers and their quiver-full of children, their freakishly large family, their goddamn Christian fucking family, whose eldest son molested his sisters and other girls when he was a teenager. 

The thing that's really making me ache is that his parents found out about it years ago and did nothing but discipline him, pray about it, and take him to talk to a friend of theirs who was a highway patrolman. Who himself is now serving 56 years in prison for possession of child pornography. 
The father stated that the whole thing helped his family to "get closer to God."
And my comment was as follows:

As a woman who was sexually abused as a child in my home (usually on Sunday mornings before church) I know that those girls who were his victims are going to need years of therapy and that prayer is not the answer. But beyond that- the fact that their parents did not protect them and indeed, hid it all under the rug- is probably going to be the hardest part to ever heal from. If anyone has prayers, pray that these girls get the help they need. And that their parents apologize to them for the incredible damage they allowed to happen.

I am so angry that I could spit fire. TLC has canceled their show but I think that they probably knew about this long ago and so they, too, are guilty of a cover-up in my book. 

There is NO excuse for parents to ever protect anyone who is molesting any of their children. Even if the molester is also one of theirs. Their protection belongs to the victims. This son is guilty of what he did and he should atone for that in some way (and just asking forgiveness is not enough) but his parents were adults and as such, were charged with the protection of their other children. 

Sick, sick, sickness. 

And that boy has grown up to get married and have children of his own. And his parents have gone on to have baby after baby after baby and make tons of money on their Christian, god-loving schtick and those girls will suffer a lifetime of pain and problems. And if they don't lose their faith in their religion I will be vastly surprised. 

All right. That's enough of that. But dammit, I take this shit personally. I can't help it. 

The bread needs to come out of the oven. 

It's a crazy, fucked-up world and there is no wonder that I choose to stay here and tend what I have with what I can. 

I may feel crazy but I am not insane. 

Love...Ms. Moon 


  1. So glad you spoke up here today. I too am outraged. For those girls and for the girls we were, you and me. I am triggered, feeling crazy. Thank you for this, Mary. Perhaps it's time for me to return to therapy. When will it end? Prolly when I do.


  2. Invisigal- Me too. Triggered. Go ahead and talk about it, scream about it. That will help I think. The more we scream and shout, the more the world will know (if only by one person) that this is not acceptable. That lives can be destroyed by one person touching what should not be touched. And that if one person suspected and did nothing, all trust has been broken.

  3. If I could, I would talk about it in a social setting in the presence of sibling, perhaps at his club. Just to watch him squirm. And here I sit, caring for the old woman I told, who did nothing or next to nothing about it. But something tells me she was a victim too. Or maybe I am just an idiot with a broken sensor. And now he judges me, avoids me and talks about me because I care for our mother rather than put her in a home where she would be dead in a week. WTF is wrong with me? I guess I am the product of this mess, but when will I heal or learn to fake it and function like the others have?

  4. I had not heard this story. If there's anything that deserves hellfire and damnation, it's certainly this --

  5. BTW, I love mermaids too, always wanted to be one, and it lately occurred to me why.

  6. goddammit Mary, I wish we lived next door to each other. Those poor Duggar kids. what a freaking life they have to live carrying their dirty little secret. Those girls know it's all a lie. What the hell are they trying to prove having so many kids.

  7. I am beyond sick. WTF? Trigger is not a big enough word. You say it to the heart Mary.

  8. Your garden tales make me so happy and inspire me.

    The other stuff is so upsetting. I'm sorry it's a trigger for you.

  9. I was spitting nails when I heard. It is the fucking hypocrisy of it all. All smiles and lies. And the back pedaling saying that it has brought them closer to God. It also makes me wonder if he was sexually abused himself. I would say that the odds are pretty high on that one.

  10. I had no idea. What cruelty in that family. This is really sad. I've never watched these people, but I have an idea that many of those who do are "praying" to make all this go away.


    The hypocrisy kills me. Keep hiding behind The Cloak of Christianity, you assholes. It's always the people who squawk the loudest that have the most to hide.

    I'm sorry for each and every girl who has ever been violated then brushed aside while their violators are protected. It's bullshit.

  12. Parents looking the other way is the worst. Or teachers. Or priests. Or anyone who is meant to be there to help. It reconfirms the feeling that you're not worth anything.

  13. You are most definitely not insane. I haven't even HEARD about this Dugger revelation. I gotta catch up on that news. But I thought they were despicable even before, so I'm not surprised.

  14. i found the whole duggar thing very triggering as well.

    i am glad neither of us had to stay in that horrible place called childhood forever.


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  16. I have to confess that hearing that people who are so heavily religious are hiding horrors doesn't surprise me any more. I know that religion can provide comfort against the big old world for some, or a community where no other has been found, but I have come to feel that religion is about controlling people, when it comes down to basic definitions...That some people crave such power over others is nothing new, that they abuse that power, also not new, but that we have it widely reported and hear about them, that is the modern take here. I find it so hard to deal with, when I am up to date with current events. Sometimes I just have to back off a bit, to be honest.Even knowing so much about these crimes has made a statistical difference for victims, though, and the hearing of their stories and effects of hearing of them is a burden we have to carry in solidarity with them. Buddhism says that pain is an integral part of life , just like joy, and I am learning that this is true as I go along in this life. I must go let out the birds and bake some cake... Sending warmest thoughts and solidarity your way, dear Moon Mrs.

  17. I fear for the kind of "help" these little girls received, if they got any help at all. Bottom line is that the message they will always carry with them is that they are not important.

    Keep tending to that garden and pulling out the damn weeds. You give me hope.

  18. The Duggar family has creeped me out for years. The molestation doesn't surprise me and neither does the coverup. What a bunch of creeps.

  19. Ugh. Horrible. I didn't hear about that. Truly god-awful!

    That teeny egg - my colleague whose hens provide us all with eggs came in with a giant one on Friday. It was about three times bigger than a normal egg, but laid, unbelievably by a normal sized hen. It was like the egg of a bantam-ostrich! She gave it to a colleague for her son, who's about to start his exams.

  20. Not a fan of the Duggars or their TV show or their delight in such a large family (is the world not over-populated enough already?) ... and now this ...

  21. Garden is gorgeous, chicks are sweet, egg is divine - especially that little nib on top - and Duggars are the worst of this world in sooo many ways.

    But the pictures of the food ! Thank you sooo much for the pictures. They truly feed me - hard to understand, but they do. That was so thoughtful of you. Loved it!
    See how little it takes to make me happy?!

  22. What Birdie said occurred to me too.

  23. Hey, Ms. Moon. Have you heard the latest? A judge asked that all the records from these incidents be destroyed. And they were within the hour destroyed! Can you believe it? Another incident of "follow the money".

    I truly hope that those "parents" (and I use that word lightly) and that pedophile, Josh, from this day forward until the end of their lives live a Hell on Earth! Hey, Duggers......take your god and shove him!!!

  24. Anonymous- Wow. Thanks for writing that. I have no answers. We are the products of our upbringing and sometimes, there just is no resolution. I don't know. Bless you and may there be peace at some point.

    Elizabeth- And yet, he has prospered like a motherfucker and feels he has the right to condemn the LGBTQ community at every opportunity.

    Anonymous- Because they can swim away?

    Ellen Abbott- Trying to prove they can, I guess. I felt sorry for those children before all of this. And yes, I think you and I would make very good neighbors.

    mary i- Thank you. "Trigger" isn't quite a big enough word, is it?

    NOLA- I am in love with my garden this year. Absolutely. Some years things just conspire to encourage growth in it. Some years, they do not.

    Birdie- I thought the same thing. Also? There has to be something to be considered in the factor that these highly religious people discourage any sort of outlet for the natural sexual urges of teenagers. Can you imagine if they had caught him with a Playboy? It's all so fucked up.

    Andrea- I never watched the show at all but stood in horror at a distance. And yes, so many people are praying for Josh, making HIM out to be the victim. It's horrifying.

    heartinhand- Exactly. The same thing, over and over and over again.

    Mwa- Well and truly put, my love.

    Steve Reed- I have to tell you- I am not surprised but shocked by the horror of it, still.

    Mrs. A- True and true and true. Thank you. We keep on surviving, don't we?

    Big Mamabird- Yes, I agree with all you said. Every bit of it. But until the victims are allowed to tell their story and rid themselves of their shame (it was not their fault!) the point has been missed. So far, of course, the family claims that the victims just want to put it behind them. Those of us who have been there know just how well that works.

    The Aging Female Baby Boomer- Yeah- what kind of counseling do you suppose they got? Hopefully, they'll be able to get some real help at some point in their lives.
    And yes, let us all tend our own gardens, whatever they may be.

    Florence- Creepy is the exact true word.

    Jo- Every day my hen's eggs delight me. Their differences never grow old for me.

    jenny_o- They suffer from sickness.

    Liv- I shall strive to make you even happier! I promise!

    Angella- Me too. Of course.

    Ms. Peace, Thyme- Yeah. I read about that. More fuckery. I wonder if the worry about this information getting out has been licking the asses of the Duggers for all of these years? I can only imagine it has.

  25. You won't call me sweet after this. He was a young teen when it happened. He admitted his guilt. He made amends. He changed his ways. Who is being intolerant and judgmental now? You can bash Christian, but you are no better.

  26. Lisa- I'm not bashing him. I am calling to account his parents who were full grown adults when this happened. They did everything they could to protect him and no one, as far as I can see, got any real help as to counseling or therapy. And who knows if he changed his ways? And why did he abuse his sisters? Abusers have most often been abused. Look- I've been there. I was abused. And I know that it never ends. The pain. The suffering. The lack of trust. These children were not protected. And his parents know what happened and let him stay in the family and they made a fortune off of their bizarre take on religion. Don't even try to tell me that I am no better.
    You either have no idea what I'm talking about or else you do and you do not want to believe what happened.
    I pray for you that it is not the latter.

  27. Hmmm.. the Christian faith as I know it is grounded on the premise of God sending his son as a sacrifice in the expression of perfect love in order to reconcile our relationship with him. We are then called to love and serve each other every day in the same sacrificial humility. However, over time, this teaching (that in theory should bring healing to the most vulnerable places of our hearts) has been corrupted and abused into a tool used for oppression and hurt- essentially corrupting this perfect love into a super potent vehicle for destruction.

    The Christianity espoused by this group of “Quivers” or whoever they call themselves does not adhere to the Truth because it has elevated their fundamentalism, hoity-toitiness, and acts of piety to supersede the love and service that Christians should espouse. And this facade creates the mask of hypocrisy that allowed for the foul scourge of pedophelia to fester in this family (and who knows what else they’re hiding??) This same premise is the case for all the terrible things over time that have been done in the name of Christianity/religiousness. The way that I figure, any and all messages & actions that do not ooze true love and humility are not reminiscent of the basic tenets of this religion, as the theme of love is oft in Imitation of Christ (throughout the whole Epistle of John).

    Anyway, those are just my dos pesos on the subject (of the Christian faith at least). Thanks once more for this space & for writing and sharing your life with all us readers on these internets!

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  29. I totally agree with you Mrs Moon, about the girls needing to be able to tell their stories, and I can also easily see why at this point they might want to 'put it behind them' as I can just imagine the pressure they must be under to preserve the family honor. So I think that only once and/or if they get out from that control will they hopefully be able to bring it back up and process it... My challenge (that I mentioned in my first comment) is with all the media coverage of all the wrongdoings all over the world is that it overwhelms my emotional or maybe psychological ability to process it all. It is maybe too much for a single person to carry the knowledge of all the wrongs in the world. I can and do listen to the people in my life, my family, and community that need to share their horror stories. I so very much hope those girls and all people, either girl or boy, either man or woman, can find enough people to listen, to hear, to feel that little bit of passing on of the burden, maybe... In love, and imperfectly yours, Carroll

  30. Anonymous- You lost me at "the premise of God sending his son as a sacrifice in the expression of perfect love in order to reconcile our relationship with him."
    What the fuck? God could have had a billion sons. So I can't really mourn the fact that his "One begotten son" had to lose his life to reconcile our relationship with him. Sacrifice- no. Whether of pig or steer or Abraham's son. What bullshit! And those "quiver-full" of people? They use the Bible as literal instructions for their lives. Take it or leave it.
    I leave it.
    Although there is some beautiful literature in the Bible. And plenty of rationalization for incest as well. Lot, for example.
    "And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:
    32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
    33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.
    35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.
    36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father."
    When I read the Bible in Jr. High, I read this passage. MY stepfather was abusing me and I realized that the Bible was full of shit.
    Sorry, babe.
    As a nonbeliever, I KNOW the difference between right and wrong. I don't need any damn religion telling me. I try to do the right thing because it IS right. Not because some god tells me it is.

  31. Big Mamabird- Yeah. Until we hear the girl's stories, we have no idea. And WHERE ARE THEY? Tucked into the hidden sacred cave of the patriarchy.

  32. Mary Moon you are my hero. And I think the fascination with mermaids is that no one can touch them where they should not/cannot be touched.


  33. Invisigal- I hear you. Yes m'am.

  34. I don't know anything about the Dugger mess and travesty, but I do know that anyone who spouts off about religion and is all over Christian values immediately raises a huge red flag with me. What surprises me more and more is that people that I grew up with and went to college with and worked with are becoming born agains. And they were at one time interesting and fun. Now they are just boring religious nuts.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.