It's been an odd day all the way around.
I took my walk and when I got down by the horse farm, there were two people mowing on professional mowers, obviously hired to do the farm property. One was a woman and she gave me a wave and a thumb's up, the other was a man and he stopped his mower and indicated he wanted to talk. I took my headphones out of my ears and said, "Hey, how ya' doing?"
"You live in that house down there?" he asked me, pointing to a house up the road a little bit.
"No, I live in Lloyd past the light."
And then he proceeded to tell me that the man who lived in that house had threatened him and he wasn't even on his property and the mower guy asked the house guy if he was a racist and then the man threatened him again. He said the guy had asked, "What're you doing here?"
It was pretty obvious what the man was doing, which was mowing and probably not planning a home invasion.
So I guess it hadn't gone well and the mower guy had called the guy he worked for and told him about it and long story short, I ended up apologizing for the entire white race TWICE, don't ask me why. I just felt so beat down already. I told the mower guy that the house guy sounded crazy and that if he got threatened again he should call the police because you don't mess with crazy.
Meanwhile the woman mower had stopped her mower and was listening to the whole conversation, nodding her head here and there. I kept assuring the guy that I didn't know those people but that I was sorry it had happened, etc.
When we finally parted, I could tell the man was still fuming. I don't blame him.
So that happened.
Lily and I are good. Of course.
Lis is coming to spend the night. I have a chicken in the oven and peas and potatoes on the stove. I shelled about fifty thousand peas. They will be so good, I think. My best crop of peas ever.
It rained today. Good and hard and I laid on the bed and the thunder shook the sky and earth and I could hear the lightening fork its way through the atmosphere and Maurice came and found me and wanted petting and so I did and then we fell asleep for a little while, her body tucked under my arm. That was such comfort.
I think of that man on the mower. I know why I apologized for the entire white race.
Because he needed to hear that. He was hurt. He was angry. I think the guy who threatened him was probably at least as much crazy as he was racist but together they form a sick and poisonous brew. It was nothing for me to say what I said, the sweat pouring off my red face, my little dog fennel stick in my hand.
It seems a day to say Mea Culpa.
Lilly the duck has been honking for her lover, her partner, her pal, all day long. Not continuously. But off and on, as if she truly does know that Willy is gone but wants to make sure. She stood by the little pond but did not get in. She merely sipped from it. My heart goes out to her.
I'm sorry. I apologize. I am human. I did not mean to let an animal get the duck. I did not mean to upset my daughter. I did not mean to be born white. These things just happened. Some of them more under my control than others. Factors involved in all. But sometimes it's just good and it's just honest to say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry for your pain." As so many of you have told me today.
Sorry can mean more than one thing. I have used it in so many forms today.
I am not sorry that it rained today. I am not sorry that Lis is coming. I am not sorry that all the rest of the birds are alive and well. I am not sorry that the air is cool now and that the earth is happy to be wet again. I am not sorry to be the mother of a daughter who is so very good at what she does, which is to be a mother and to be a friend to her mother.
We go on. I will too.
The frogs are starting to croak their joy at all the water. Lis has just pulled up. All of the chickens and the duck are safe and put up. I have given them the shells of the peas to dine upon.
It's been a day. Tomorrow will be one too.