Thursday, April 23, 2015

None Of These Things Go With The Other

This is what growing older means: you no longer just walk into a room only to have forgotten what you've come there for, you forget why you're leaving a room before you get out the door. You are on some errand- you have to retrieve...what?
A hammer? A polishing rag? The broom? The dust mop? Window cleaner?
It has fled from your mind before you've turned around to go.

The person who invents glasses who never need wiping will be the richest person in the world. For some reason it has become the most annoying thing to me to have smeared glasses. I mean, I cannot bear it. Forget the fucking jetpacks and vacations on Mars we were supposed to be enjoying by now. Just give me glasses that don't smear.

Why are we so thirsty? The other day at the baby shower, a few of us older women were talking about the things every parent seems to need now to raise a baby which we, back in the olden days, would have laughed at. A baby monitor? Butt wipes? Wipe warmers? Bottle warmers? Those pillows which provide the most perfect breastfeeding support? The list goes on. One woman said that she'd gone to Target to look for a baby present and that it was all "shit." That's what she said. Shit.
I had to agree. Anyway, this took us to other avenues of things we cannot now live without which no one had even considered forty years ago. Bottled water, for instance. If someone had told us that we'd be paying a dollar or more for a bottle of what comes out of the tap for free, we'd have laughed our heads off.
"But what did you carry water in?" Lily asked.
I pondered this.
"I don't think we were that thirsty."
Hydration was not a science. You got thirsty, you either got a glass of water or you went to a water fountain. Sip, sip, sip. Done. If you were outside, you got water out of the hose. I liked the taste of hose water. When you were on a car trip, there might be a thermos of lemonade or Kool Ade. If you were really lucky, you got a coke out of a machine when you stopped for gas.
Cars did not have cup holders. We held our beers between our thighs in the car. Haha!
Coffee you drank at home. You had a percolator. You made a pot of coffee, you had a cup or two, that was plenty. If you wanted coffee in the afternoon, you made another pot. Again- we would have died before we'd gone to a place like Starbucks and bought a five dollar cup of coffee that always tastes burned unless you load it up with sugar and crap. Whipped cream on coffee? What the fuck? And we didn't need all these snacks. We ate breakfast, lunch, and supper. We didn't need to take a power bar with us everywhere we went in case of sudden starvation.

Things have changed. Not all for the worse, I totally admit. White bread sucked although it made great fish bait, rolled into little balls. I don't care if I never see another slice of bologna in my life. But oh! Sometimes how I do wish for a meal of chipped beef on toast. Might have been called "shit on a shingle" but that was some good shit. I like eating fresh vegetables far more than I enjoyed canned vegetables. Or frozen vegetables.

I love air conditioning. People's cars don't break down every twenty-five miles now. Ice makers rock. Those stupid aluminum trays never worked right and were a pain in the ass. But fans were better then. You got a box fan, that sucker would move some air. These fancy-ass tower fans don't move air very well and they don't make enough noise in my opinion.

And of course we all know I miss dials. When the hell did it become acceptable to make you push buttons for five minutes to set your clock, your stove? That's some bullshit there now.

I could go on. But I won't. I'm too tired.

What is something that you either miss or are glad is gone forever?

Just wondering. Just thinking. I believe I'll go clean my glasses although I'll probably forget by the time I get back into the kitchen.

Love...Ms. Moon, The Old and Cranky

P.S. Owen's foot is all healed. The boot has come off. He is happy and will gladly show you how fast he can run now which is, in all actuality, so fast that he causes time to stop as he breaks the sound barrier, running on his two good feet.


  1. I miss hand written letters. I miss picking up photos from the dime store and seeing how they came out. I can't think of anything else I miss. Except maybe Woolworth's and Service Merchandise.

  2. True, all of it. I miss banana fudgsicles. I don't miss outhouses.

  3. I miss a simpler life and fewer choices...if I wanted an aspirin, I'd go get aspirin, not have to stand there and decide - Tylenol, Advil, etc., on and on ad nauseam. Trees everywhere, unlocked doors, VW buses. But not white bread!

    Just got caught up on last few posts...Owen is wise beyond his years and very insightful and funny :)

    And you! You may have some problem with trusting, but you most certainly have NO problem with loving!!!

  4. I miss the days of playing outside with my friends until the street lights came on and everyone scattered like rats off a sinking ship. You had about 15 seconds to get in the door or there would be trouble. Trouble meaning a spank, which I miss as well. I think it wouldn't hurt kids to get a swat now and then. Nothing hard, just a swat that stings. And I miss going for groceries and spending $100.00 (!) and it lasted 2 weeks. I miss days that were easier when life was lighter. Oh! And I miss camping in an actual tent and cooking over a Coleman stove! And I also miss going camping where my dad would take us for a walk where the store was "just around the corner" but actually took about 2 hours. He gave us each a whole dollar and we bought a chocolate bar, a can of Orange Crush and a bag of chips.

  5. And now that I have read the other comments I miss the lunch counter at Woolworth's and not locking the doors. And not having to choose between 1000 different types of toothpaste/deodorant/salad dressing...

  6. Your post cracked me up. I don't miss much, to tell you the truth. But the forgetfulness? Yikes. What the hell? I just re-listened to this great poem by Billy Collins that just about perfectly sums it up (as you have done, too!)

  7. " Whipped cream on coffee? What the fuck?"
    I think you should fucking run for president. I had a total melt down some years ago while trying to turn on the ringer on my landline phone. Remember when there was a bell that you could kinda see if you turned the phone over and it had a switch that you could flip to OFF. The phone that caused my breakdown had a menu button. Push one for... trying to turn off the ringer took fucking MINUTES. The same with setting an alarm on your cellphone nowadays.. Sure I do it...but it was easier with an old fashioned alarm clock. PROGRESS.

  8. I agree with you about dials. And stuff that was designed to be simple not fashionable. Most of all I miss being able to call a number and speak to a real person instead of getting shunted through an automatic answering system.

  9. Yes, I miss talking to real people vs. automated systems, applying for jobs in person vs. thru monster or other black holes, getting real cards and letters tho I do send them. I love technology and I hate it. The only time I am truly away from my phone is when I travel otherwise I am on. I miss 5 cent ice cream cones. What a great, fun post!

  10. Yeah, I remember eating creamed chipped beef on toast! My father liked it...

  11. I miss not everything being about the economy. It didn't seem as much of a thing. People seemed to work themselves to death less. Or maybe I just didn't notice because I was a kid. And I miss other mothers being at home. It being an option, because it doesn't seem to be around here.

  12. LOL -- I love your comment about not being as thirsty. People ARE oddly obsessed with always having food and water at hand. I never carry around either one, unless I'm on a daylong hike, but nowadays whenever you buy even a city backpack it has a little pocket for the omnipresent water bottle.

    I don't miss film. I never liked film, and unlike Angella I never liked waiting for my pictures. (And then finding out that they didn't turn out -- aaargh!)

    I DO miss peace and quiet. I don't understand why we need hundreds of television channels and why we surf our computers and phones while the TV buzzes away in the background. Even I find myself doing this sometimes.

  13. oh my....... I stuck a post-it note on the front of my smart phone the other day with a reminder written on it which sent my son into hysterics, he said, 'you don't even know why that's so funny do you?"....... and I remember when I first moved to the US the utter joy and excitement of being able to walk down the street drinking a we can do that in London I think what utter madness is this?? x

  14. That ssshhhhhtt, ch ch ch chuh sound of a rotary dial phone, waiting for the bare edge of darkness to float over the backyard and make the fireflies blink on, sharing my ice cream cone with our elderly chow- he'd have a lick then I' d have a lick and no one worried about germs, the freedom to roam all over town as child (ok it was a small town). And yes, I do think making endless choices from endless options on every damn thing is so not a good thing. I try to keep it simple. Thanks for the reminders.

  15. I miss the days before cell phones, when people actually spoke face to face and drivers were not as distracted...
    Love this post, and you

  16. I miss the days where EVERYone had Sunday off. Not for religious observance, just to have a rest.
    I do not miss smoking being allowed everywhere.

  17. I couldn't think of anything I miss until I read Steve Reed's comment... peace and quiet. Yes.

    And I don't like the way people sit together at a table looking at their phones. People should look at each other like Barbara said.

  18. I just remembered what I miss: gas station attendants that pump your gas for you.

  19. I miss the days when you could use an ATM that didn't belong to "your bank" and you didn't have to pay a fee to take out YOUR OWN MONEY!!

  20. I miss the lunch counter too. We always got a "green river" they were delicious, I'd kill for one.

    I miss tree houses, kids don't build them anymore. Having your own little world at the top of a tree was heaven.

    I miss the penny candy counter at the little store. There were about 60 different candies to choose from so a dime would get a great variety.

    And yeah, I really, really miss the rotary phone - with a long, long winding cord so you could walk to another room and it would always get wrapped around the furniture.

    I miss a hell of a lot.

  21. I miss chipped beef on biscuits too. My dad would make that for breakfast on exam days. He said it was good brain food. LOL.


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