Thursday, July 30, 2015

Watch The Video. You Will Laugh

The other day I watched this video via the Facebook and I thought it was pretty funny and also held a lot of truth. And I highly recommend that you watch it because it's entertaining as hell.

Anyway, I went shopping today and I couldn't stop thinking about the video and how it's the same for so many of us when we go clothes shopping.

I went to the damn mall. Yes. The DAMN MALL. But I knew that Dilliards was having a major sale and so I thought I'd trot in there and check it out and then scoot on down to Gap which is two stores away and that would be that.
And it was.
Still, though, it was a bit horrifying.

First off, this:

No. It is not a sleep shirt from Target. It's an Eileen Fisher dress. And like the guy in the video said, it would be a loose-fitting potato sack to cover up all of...this.
But. It cost $198.00. One hundred and ninety-eight dollars! 
After I quit laughing I moved on to the sale racks.

I found some flowy shirts and actually tried them on (and when did they start putting your name on a whiteboard outside your dressing room?) and was too mortified at what I looked like in any of them to even consider buying anything.

Moving on. I went to the Gap. They, too, were having big sales. Plus, if you bought $75 worth of stuff, they'd take off $25 so, as the saleslady who was explaining all of this to me said, it was basically like getting $75 worth of stuff for $50! Yes! I had already figured that out! But sure, it was nice to hear.
And then I found some shorts (women's shorts!) that fit me in size Godzilla (as I wrote a friend of mine) and I bought three goddammed pairs and two of them are linen and also a skirt and a pair of socks (to bring the total up to $75) and all of that only cost $50!

Are you following me here?
Can YOU do the math?
I knew you could.

Then I went to the Goodwill where I found nothing I wanted although I had a pretty good time because Goodwill is always a good time, wandering around and wondering who bought this shit to begin with. I swear I think I watched a woman scam her way into walking out of there with a piece of furniture she hadn't paid for. Not certain, but I think so.

And so that was my day.

I have woman shorts and they're fine although the pockets are sadly lacking in depth and number compared to men's cargo shorts. I guess women aren't supposed to put anything in their pockets except a credit card and maybe a tiny tampon. Whatever. I'm going to Roseland where the average age is probably about eighty-two although I am certainly senior citizen enough to fit in now whereas I used to be a spring chicken when I visited. It's going to be hotter than hell and maybe I'll go to the Goodwill there to see if I can find some shirts I like. I'm so excited to be going that I can hardly stand it. I am ready, y'all. And Hank is going to house and cat and chicken sit for us and so my soul is at peace there.
Not sure if Trixie's going to be here when I get back. I don't know if she's sick or if she's just really lazy. She sat in a potted plant on the kitchen porch for at least an hour this evening, her stalwart friend Miss Mabel beside her.

And then damn if Mick didn't jump on her when she got off and resettled back under a sago palm. I guess he still thinks she's pretty good-looking. It's so funny. I've never seen him fuck one of the white hens. He may be racist but he's not ageist.

The older I get, the less I understand about life. But it sure is interesting.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. That Eileen Fisher dress is a sweater or I'm suddenly a very tall woman. Dam that video was funny and sad because every single thing he said was true. I HATE clothes shopping and sales people who won't leave you alone. I'm envious of your upcoming trip. You will have so much fun. I bet you'll be in the pool 90% of the time.

  2. Yes, yes, yes - all true! Which is why I shop at the used clothing store and buy things that need altered because at least it's cheaper :)

    I just don't have words about the Elvis episode. Nada. Wait, yes I do. Poor Trixie. Not feeling well but has to endure that anyhow. This might be the first (and last) time I ever say this, but I'm glad I'm not a chicken.

  3. Exactly! And when the hell DID they start writing your name on a white board outside your dressing room? WTF? I'll give you one guess as to how often anybody actually gets the spelling on my name correct. Like...never. Once I came outside the room and saw she had written CORA. Really? A fine name indeed, but does that sound at all like Camille to you? Gah! I think shopping would be much easier if I were to consume the same amount of red wine as that fine fellow on the video. BTW. Happy belated Birthday Ms. Moon. Hugs. X

  4. the injustice of women's pockets vs men's pockets things makes me nuts.


  5. I hear you on women's pants and no pockets or tiny pockets. why even bother with pockets at all if they are going to be big enough to put something in. I don't carry a purse so I need pockets in my pants.

  6. Joanne- Yep. He nailed the shopping thing. "Unless I send up a flare..."

    jenny_o- Well, the one thing you can say positive about chicken sex is that it doesn't even last thirty seconds.

    Camille- Why do they need to put our names on those things? Is this supposed to personalize shit? I don't get it. And I don't want a personal relationship with salespeople. Nope. Not at all.
    Thanks for the birthday wishes!

    Mrs. A- I suppose big pockets add to the "bulk." Or something.

    Ellen Abbott- I don't know how you do it- no purse? I would die.

    Angella- He's an amusing guy.

  7. So happy for you to be going to Roseland. The next time I am down that way I am going to go exploring. I love clothes shopping, but I can't tolerate the salespeople, maybe that is why I like Ross, TJ Max and of course Goodwill. Gail

  8. I do like that video, but I don't like all the bleeping out of perfectly serviceable words. Well, word, I suppose.

    What I hate about shopping now is that everything is made of plastic, and I just want to buy cotton or wool or something that wasn't made up by a mad scientist. Except for Nike running gear which is brilliant and my cotton-exception.

  9. I need a mirror that tells me what I’m going to look like falling out of a cap hands first at 3 o’clock in the morning.

    This guy is funnyfunny.

  10. That dress is RIDICULOUS.

    I am going to do my best to get to a Goodwill (at LEAST one) while I'm here. It's not like we don't have charity shops in London, but Goodwill is just different. Big. Varied. Unpredictable.

  11. I heard from a knowing source (my wife) that Gap sucks now. I don't clothes shop much. Only on line and don't like going to stores to be fussed over. I am thinking about venturing forth to get a seersucker jacket. LOL--just like the good ole boys around here.

  12. I hate clothes shopping.
    But I like your chickens.


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