Friday, March 30, 2012


Well, I just answered everyone's comments on my last post and then Blogger lost them so screw that.
I'm freaking out because everyone is saying that they're being told they have to update their Blogger thing but I'm not getting that message.
I don't know what anything means and most certainly I don't know what that dream I had about Keith Richards meant. I had to remind him that it was almost time for him to go onstage and he said, "Thanks!" He played but I left before the concert had barely begun. I think they were at the Opera House. Mick Jagger couldn't make it so a guy who used to be the vocalist for a band I used to go listen to stepped in for him and I guess I was disappointed. Or maybe I just didn't want to share the Wonder Which Is Keith with the masses.
Who knows?
Not me.

Yep. I'm in one of those moods. That frame of mind. I think the Easter season does this to me. I start feeling myself get all heated up when I see those crosses with the purple cloth draped over them. What? Y'all don't have those where you live? Maybe you do.

I have often said (and even here) that the only thing that comes between me and Jesus is the cross which I consider to be creepy and weird. As Tom Robbins pointed out in one of his books before he became a screwy-louie creepy old man, if Christ had died in modern times, people would be wearing little gold and silver electric chairs around their necks. Or something like that. Gas chambers. Lethal injection syringes.

I think Jesus was just all right and fine and dandy (although he probably fasted too much in the desert to have a real straight mind about him) but then they went and crucified him and he became a huge folk hero and everyone pinned their hopes for eternal life on him, somehow bringing it all together and making out that he was God's Only Son and as I have said before (yes, I repeat myself frequently) why WAS that, that God only had one son? Jesus, he was God. He could have had a billion or so.
Jim Bob Duggar has nineteen kids and he's nowhere close to being God. Of course, some of those are girls but we don't count as much. Ask the Pope. Ask Rick Santorum.

Well, I better stop this before I piss off everyone. I'm sorry if I don't believe in your god. Please don't feel as if I have singled Christianity out for criticism. I don't believe in Zeus either. I may believe in SOMETHING, but I do not know because my brain isn't big enough to know things like that but I do know that my brain is big enough to conceive of a universe that doesn't reward people for getting crucified by making them the son of god. I just HATE how every year we have to kill poor Jesus again and then let him rise from the tomb again and everyone's like, "Whoa! Who are you? Oh...are you JESUS?" And he's like, "If you believed in me, you'd KNOW I'm Jesus," and so forth.
And thus, the season of rebirth and as far as I'm concerned, the planet has that one covered all by itself, surrounded as I am by the new green on the trees and the flowers and these baby chickens and my new grandson and it does nothing for my soul to bring crucifixion into it. The universe has suffering galore, I don't need to celebrate it and I refuse to sanctify it.

Okay. Really. I'm done. There will probably be more later. I wish I could blame this crazy so-called writing today on drink or drugs but nothing more than caffeine was involved. Probably way too much of that, though.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon

Seriously. You can't make this shit up.
I said to her, "Lady, you just picked the wrong house."
"Are you an atheist?" she asked me.
"No," I said. "I just don't believe in fairy tales."
Then she called me honey. Boy. Was THAT a mistake. She wasn't even Southern. She was from somewhere UP NORTH! She was wearing creepy sunglasses and I couldn't see her eyes.

She could see mine, though and she left pretty darn quick. She'll be talking about the crazy woman who lives in that house for the rest of her life.


  1. You crack me up, MM. The Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door to give us the good news and my (nonreligious) mother answered the door. A similar scene unfolded as you just described :)

  2. Only a few things:
    1. Have you ever read "Lamb" by Christopher Moore? Pretty hilarious take on things.

    2. A Jehovah's Witness came to my door last night too! What the heck? Guess it's the season when they migrate to our front doors? He was very polite, though. I took his flyer and he left.

    3. JESUS ON THE CROSS. Ugh. I agree. Why focus on that part? I'm not even sure I believe in any of it, but why focus on the method of death? I had an interesting conversation once with a friend after the DaVinci Code first came out. She said that the idea that Jesus wasn't divine gave her serious problems. I told her it made it easier for me to believe.

    I'm sorry, I completely rambled there.

  3. I can't stand the JW's. I don't get them often any more. I used to talk to them and screw with them using their own bibles which are a little different and then they avoided my house for a long time because they don't want newbies being shown contradictions. Now, I just can't be bothered with them at all.

  4. oh man I hate those holier than thou types, want to spread their good news. good news? that god will only love you if you accept his so called son as your personal savior? that if you don't, you get the Lake Of Fire? doesn't sound like good news to me. I think religion started losing me when they told me that brand new just born babies were already sinners. WTF? and that cross, just by itself is weird but the catholic crucifixion with it's gory gaunt agonized dying man...eeewww, that is just sick.

  5. When I was growing up I lived very close to one of those Big Box Kingdom Halls. It was like a JW Superstore. They built it in 9 days! Anyway, we had a lot of them around where I lived and I had many JW friends. You know what? Of all my friends that grew up JW there is not one of them still in the church. They have told me the saddest stories of violent physical abuse of the women and children. One of my closest friends is still dealing with all the spiritual, mental and social abuse. She was never allowed to have non-JW friends. Never had a single birthday party, no Christmas...
    She says she "was robbed" of a childhood and she was. She never even had sleepovers because weekends were for "witnessing" and church. Every day of the week was for church activities. If you didn't go you got the dreaded phone call.
    This story has an OK ending because her entire family left "the faith" (if you can call it that.) One brother is still active and does not have anything to do with the family. He ignores my friend and her family of he sees them in public.
    The one time JW's came to my door I related this story to them. It brings me such sadness because my friend is an amazing person and always has been. (I have known her since I was 5.) I told the JW's to never come to my door again because I would not and could not be interested in any church that tells you that your own family is evil.
    God forbid, even if they are as they say "evil" I would believe in loving and caring for one another. I simply told them that scripture that you will know they are Christians by their love for one another.
    They have not been back.

  6. Oh,,,that was wonderful! You made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts! And the comments were great too! What a wonderful way to start out the day.

    I love your clarity and unvarnished truth - it's all the things I think all the time and wonder why the whole world doesn't know this!

    My brother is a "born againer". When I ask him how he can believe in something with so many contradictions and hypocritical philosophies, he say's it is hard, but he holds on to the believe that the resurrection is true. Because if it isn't -- then all the rest of it is just crap. And I say....welllllll.....

    Thanks for makin' it such a fun morning , Mary xxx

  7. Their idea of good news freaks me out. Fireballs? Fireballs to send you straight to Hell? I'll take the bad news, please.

  8. "No, I just don't believe in fairy tales."

    Brilliant answer!

  9. If Jesus does actually return, he would walk up to your door in Lloyd and say, "honey, you're the only one that understood the point."

  10. Miss A needs to tell the story of when we were in Indiana visiting a friend two years ago and a one-armed Jehovah's witness knocked on the door...Miss A Said "OOOH, let me, let me!!!" and hilarity ensued.

  11. OMG--I cannot stand solicitors of any stripe. I once told a guy from the Sierra Club I'd cut down a tree if he came to my door again.
    Crazy ladies unite!!! I know!--let's go door to door singing the praises of crazy ladies everywhere....

  12. Oh thank goodness you know that about Tom Robbins. Creepy, creepy, but once rocked my world.

  13. Well, i'm a weird Christian in that i don't like crosses, either, and i do like you.

    Pushing my religion on the unwilling isn't among the commandments, feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless and generally loving on people is, so that's my Christianity.

  14. Even more than I wish I could win the lottery this week, I wish I could change all the cool, normal people's minds about Christians. By, of course, changing all the Christians who make us seem so utterly insane. I definitely believe in the Resurrection and observe the cross and Easter because I believe He conquered the grave... it's something really joyous for me to celebrate. But I won't come to your door with magazines on the subject. I'd rather talk about your garden, your chickens and your fine grandsons. And recipes for venison. I really enjoy your blog. Sometimes I think it seems like you are angry about Christianity... I can understand how a person could feel that way but I wish it weren't so.

  15. Hahahahahahahahaha! In my hood, if there are some well dressed Black folks on my porch with briefcases (what are in those, by the way-do they carry the GOOD NEWS in their briefcases?), they are there to save my sorry ass. Of rather, Jesus is, poor fella. He's called on so much these days, you'd think it was a cult!!

    This I believe:

    Spring is enough. Babies are enough. The wee life I've been given is enough. The antics of my puppy are enough. The new fence is enough. My family is enough. Beyond measure, I'm effing lucky. And as the Buddha reminded us-don't take my word for it, try it yourself. Get a grip, fercripessake.

    Love you and all your abundance.

    XXX Beth

  16. I do like the teachings of Jesus--maybe he was like a Ghandi in his day or maybe he had visions. And probably he wasn't really dead when he was crucified. After all, his side was pierced and people can live with all manner of stabbings. I think the Bible is part myth, part truth and a lot of scare tactics. Just humans doing the same old stuff over and over of scaring people to think their way.

  17. Two things:
    1) there is an awesomely bad pop song that I love right now called fireball and it was playing in my mind as I read this. It's by willow smith, daughter of Will and Jada, and Nicki Minaj.
    2) a cartoon I saw once showed the blob family at home when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. The dad says, "it's the Jehovah's witnesses! Quick! Everyone pretend to be a beanbag chair!"

  18. SJ- I know I am not the only one who doesn't accept this sort of thing gracefully.

    Blue Gal- I have read that book but it didn't bring up one thing I'd never thought myself. I have no doubt Jesus was divine nor do I have any doubt that you are either. That's just how I believe.

    Jeannie- I used to think "oh bless their hearts" but now I think- what gives them the right?

    Ellen- Exactly.

    Birdie- Rules created in order to manipulate others. It's wrong.
    It's caused so much pain in this world.

    liv- Yeah. If you don't believe in the resurrection, it does all fall apart. And there you go...

    Chrissy- I think that the good news and the bad news both present themselves all the time. I have no need to add fireballs into it.

    lulumarie- She was SO condescending and disdaining. She believes. Oh yes. She does.

    Magnum- Well, I don't know but if Jesus did call me "honey," I doubt I'd object.

    Mr. Mischief- I think I'd like to hear that story.

    Denise- And what would happen if I went door-to-door to tell people MY beliefs? The police would be called and I would be hauled in for a psych consult at the very least. You know that's the truth.

    NOLA- I know. So sad.

    messymimi- Well, I can deal with that one. I just don't know why Christ has to come into it.

    Dayna- I AM angry about religion. All of it. It sucks up so much energy and money that could be used to do the things directly that it supposedly believes in which is helping the poor and creating peace. It is divisive and I have no idea why there is a need to believe in the resurrection or why anyone needs to believe that anyone conquered the grave. So what? I don't fear the grave. I believe that whatever it is that I am will be returned to the earth and the universe to be used as needed. There is a natural and beautiful order to birth, life and death. That's what I put my money on- what I can see and to me, it is holy enough. It brings me all the joy I need.

    Syd- You and I- we think the same on so many things.

    daddy b- I believe in YOU.

  19. Well, I believe I can FLY. Wait, that might have been R. Kelly.

  20. daddy b- Just don't try to prove it. Believe all you want, just don't jump off anything higher than your hip.

  21. Personally, I don't see why anyone should apologize for not believing in some sadistic god. God sucks!
    Anyway, back to real life, what's Blogger doing? I have no idea. I have not heard a thing as to any kind of change with Blogger. Oh well.
    It's good to hear you though Ms. Moon.

  22. Love your rants. We have American Mormons and Jehovahs Witnesses who come out here and proselytise in the black townships and people welcome them into their shacks, sit them down and then niftily steal their briefcases, use the Book of Mormon or the JW Bible as loo paper, which is not sacriligious if you have a shortage of loo paper.

    Missionary Christianity or any other white saviour religion to the Third World drives me crazy.

  23. Our world would be a much better place without religion tout court. Rant on Ms Moon, for all the ranting that you do, we don't have to do ourselves. Ranting by proxy...
    Religion sucks... So many wrong things in the name of it.


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