Friday, May 21, 2010

What Is Life If Not A School Of Love?

What, what, what? Owen is coming in an hour and he'll be here all day and then tonight is the Opera House, making plates of food, serving plates of food, picking up plates cleaned of food, drying those plates and stacking them up.
More water? I'll ask. Can I take this? I'll ask.

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.

Mr. Moon is coming tonight as well and he will help Colin bar tend. Two tall men (one too-tall, almost) wearing white shirts and bow ties and I think I might pass out from the darlingness of that picture. I will take my camera.

But here's what I'm thinking of this morning before the baby boy gets here, before I even begin to think about what to wear tonight- I'm thinking of thirty-two years ago and May was in the process of being born. She was born on the 24th and I had labored all day on the 23rd and my water had broken on the 22nd but on the 21st, I knew she was near.
All those years ago and I have the image in my head of wet thighs, my own, the process already slowly begun and I was 23-years old myself and I thought I was grown up and I guess I was, having already had a baby and then a miscarriage and now, my body was about to deliver this one into the heat of late May and I remember that the flowers I'd planted had already started blooming. Zinnias, I think.
That day, thirty-two years ago today and I was ready, I was waiting. A lady-in-waiting, a mother already and to be again. We lived in a trailer whose dimensions were ten feet by fifty feet and there was red carpet on the floor and I wore hippie skirts and tended a garden and my belly was swollen with that girl and Hank was my world, he already had claimed my heart, captured my soul and I worried so that I wouldn't be able to love another the way I loved him but of course, I learned different when May was born. I learned about love that day.
The midwives were ready, my husband was ready, it was hot. Did I mention it was hot? Oh. It was hot.

Snap! Back to here and now and my grandchild is coming. I imagine his mother is getting ready for work and changing his diaper and picking out something for him to wear and saying, "You're going to see your crazy chicken grandmother now let me put your shirt on!"
Owen who taught me about love again.
Each of my children brought their own lesson of love to me and so has this grandson.
And my husbands, both of them, have taught me about love. The one I had and had to divorce, the one I have and who is my partner-in-love and we teach each other about love over and over and over again.
And those women who midwifed me taught me about love and my friends do too, they teach me every day about love and maybe, just maybe, this whole life has been a school of love.
A school of love. Think about that.
I can't even begin to verbalize what I think love is. There is this kind and there is that kind and all I can do is open my heart or, rather, let it be open, and even the frogs which are for some reason croaking right now, the little wren that flies back to her nest, the rooster crowing in the yard, the lilies opening by the pump house, the way the trees give the light meaning and reason as they catch it and shine, filtering it and layering it, the stillness of this day because it is going to be so hot- all of it has something to do with teaching me love.
All these teachers and yet, I am certain I do not know even the merest bit of what it all really means. I always say I believe in two things- love and light- and I am not sure even what that means.
But I believe it's true.

May was born to me just as it was getting light and I reached for her and held her to me and my heart burst again with love.

I don't think I can add much more to that.

Thank-you for being part of my school of love. Every one of you who comes here and every one of you who writes about your own life, showing me over and over and over again what love can be and how the light falls and does not fall for you.

Happy Friday, y'all.
Love....Ms. Moon


  1. And thank YOU.

    And Happy Birthday to my dear May May, whom I love.

    And Happy Giving Birth Day to you, whom I love, also.


  2. Ms. Bastard-Beloved- Thank-you, sweetness.

  3. Thank you Ms. Moon! It's gonna be grandbaby central around my house again this weekend. I can't wait!

  4. Beautiful story for a beautiful day.

    My darling Rosey was born ten years ago this Sunday.

    Happy Birth Day all around!!

    Have fun tonight.

  5. Did you know that mei mei, in Chinese, means (among other things) little sister?

  6. ah what a lovely story...:-) you know i like may lot an dso..happy b-day for both of you...

    plus i wanna see those pics of mister moon..:-)

  7. This made me think of my friend, Hafiz:

    Something has happened
    To my understanding of existence
    That now makes my heart always foull of wonder
    And kindness...

    As I
    Dance with
    Precious life

  8. oops! typo: ((foull)) is supposed to read FULL


  9. Oh, my. May is my big birthday month, twoo, with Sam's on Wed. and Owen's tomorrow, and-such sweetness, no? Happy, happy day to May, and to you.

  10. "the way the trees give the light meaning and reason as they catch it and shine, filtering it and layering it"

    I may tattoo that on me somewhere.

    I hope May will be able to attend her own birthday... busy girl.

  11. Happy Birthday to beautiful, brilliant May.
    I love this post.
    It made me tear up at work.
    Love love love.

  12. Gorgeous. Swimming in a school of love, towards the light. I just love it.

  13. Your description of the labor and birth is moving. What great courage women have to give birth. I don't know many men who would be capable of what you and others go through. I am sure that biology makes sure that a strong loving bond develops.

  14. I pretty much eschew the spiritual realm, but I kinda do believe in reincarnation of a sort and that we come back to learn more lessons until we get it right.

    I think love is one of the lessons. I also think there are others, like justice (probably my lesson this time around). Acceptance. Strength. All sorts of lessons.

    I'm very glad that you've learned your lesson this go-round, and if you do come back, let's hope your lesson is something about "delicious" or "fun." ;)

  15. Thank you for sharing you, and yours, with me. You've added sugar, spice and sweetness to my whole life.

  16. This was such a beautiful post. And happy b-day in a few days to your Gemini May.

  17. Lois- You are SUCH a good grandmama.

    Erin- It is the birthday season. And I did have fun. Happy birthday to your Rosie.

    DTG- No. I did not know that. But how cool is that?

    Danielle- You are right to like May. And the picture is up!

    Nicol- Where have you been, you biking girl, you?

    Swallowtail- That was such a beautiful quote that I seriously didn't notice the typo.

    Kori- And to you!

    Stephanie- Yep. She can!
    And you may quote me on skin or paper.

    Bethany- And love back to you. Many times.

    Nancy C- I knew you'd get it.

    Syd- You are exactly right.

    Nola- Your lips to the gods' ears.

    SJ- As you have for us.

    Michele R- Thank-you.

  18. Oh Mama. Oh Mama! You know.
    I love you so,

  19. George Carlin worshiped the sun. I like that.

  20. May- I know. You taught me.

    Ms. Fleur- I think he only said that to make a point. But I could be wrong.

  21. Oh, Ms. Moon, this post about love is so lovely. I believe in love too. And in light. I'm a bit afraid of the dark.

  22. Angie M- Aren't we all a bit afraid of the dark? For good reason?

  23. If we're lucky it's a School of Love. I think we are both lucky



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