Monday, January 29, 2018
It's Just Really Okay
Are you tired of the camellias yet? I hope not because I can't stop loving them. I made Owen really take a good look at them yesterday- the ones still on the bushes- and I made him see that there are many different varieties and I told him that I hope whenever he hears the word exquisite, he'll think of those camellias.
He probably won't but an old Mer has to try, you know?
Another day that slipped away while I was doing the small work of life. My dizziness has departed entirely and I wonder if it's truly gone or if it will decide to make another appearance. It's a bit odd- in the last years of her life, my mother's biggest problem and complaint was dizziness. She would say, "I'm dizzy as a drunk!" and then would make sure that her listener knew that she never drank so she didn't really know but that's how she felt.
Doctors could not seem to help her. She went to all kinds of them and she even did physical therapy for the problem and that didn't help either. It wasn't her inner ear and she didn't have a brain tumor and there just seemed to be no solution. I remember taking her to an ear, nose, and throat guy who just flat-out told her that as we age, things get weird and funky (okay, I'm paraphrasing) and that we just have to accept some things because modern science doesn't have the answer.
Boy, was she pissed off.
And boy, do I hope I don't have whatever it was she had. And if I do, I hope I have the grace to shut up about it occasionally.
That would be richly ironic though, wouldn't it?
So. Not dizzy and I took a decent walk after I'd shaken off my bizarre dreams and I went to the grocery store and did laundry and all of the regular stuff and now it's suddenly night and time to cook supper and I feel content and fine in all ways. Not ecstatic or melancholic or manic or depressed, just sort of...fine and good.
Which makes me very, very happy.
It also makes me happy that it's getting chillier again and this may be the first winter I've ever felt this way. Perhaps the cold days make me feel as if global climate change isn't that bad although I know that's a fucking lie and it's not logical but somehow, it's reassuring, like rain.
Also, it makes walking and working outside so much more comfortable.
And let's face it- after a certain age, comfortable is a hugely appreciated way to feel.