Dammit, dammit. I went to add a few replies to comments this morning and all of the replies I'd left last night were not there. I either did not post them properly or else they got disappeared by Blogger.
I am sorry.
I spent a good half hour doing that last night- replying to comments on my yesterday morning's blog and felt guilty because I hadn't replied to the comments the day before. I cherish the comments y'all leave me and because of the topics discussed lately- anxiety, depression, doctors, medication- I've gotten a lot of them and I've gleaned something from them that I could never get anywhere else. Your experiences have mirrored many of my own and they give me comfort and things to think about and validation and new avenues to explore and they are priceless in my mind and if I ever thought about the amount of time I spend here, writing out my life and wondering if its worth it, all I have to do is realize that I am touching the nerves of many, quite obviously, and I know it is. Worth it and worth it and worth it.
Which is why it's so important to me to answer comments. I don't even know if people come back to read what I've said. Sometimes that doesn't even matter. I just want to know that I've done my part in the conversation. I have acknowledged your effort and made it clear how much I appreciate it.
Does any of this make sense?
Anyway, care-taking the boys takes a lot of energy. The long days leave me with not much more than the energy to cook our supper, tidy up and take a shower. But as I do these things, I think about all of the things you all have said. And last night I did grab that half hour while supper was cooking to sit down and write my thoughts back to you and now they're not there and well...that's the story.
I'm feeling okay this morning. Not what I'd call cheerful or overly energetic but okay. The boys are coming again soon. It will be another long day but it's going to warm up and I can hear the mockingbird calling full-throated. I think it's a mockingbird. Some lovely liquid notes and the tiny birds and cardinals are rushing the feeder and although the sun is not out and the sky is gray, there is a lifting of the feeling of dense heaviness which the last few days have held. Yesterday's ice has all melted and I have actually seen Japanese Magnolias trying to bloom and soon the redbud will burst forth and I will be shocked once again to see it.
Thank you, all of you and I keep saying that and I mean it with all of my heart. You keep me from drowning sometimes and as I write these words my eyes fill with the fullness of my heart which comes from your words. You may not always know how much they mean to me but trust me- more than you can imagine.
All right. Let's have a good Friday.
Much love...Ms. Moon