Saturday, November 17, 2012

Two More Hours If The Plane's On Time

In approximately one hour and a little more I am going to drive (through the dark, through the night, through the town) to pick up Mr. Moon at the airport and such a simple thing- I mean holy moly, really? go pick up your man at the airport, the teeny tiny Tallahassee airport and I've been so anxious all day long. Just completely inappropriately so.
I even took one of my hoarded few remaining Ativan and it didn't do squat, well, I'm still alive so maybe it did. And it made me sleepy and Lily brought the boys out and we ate lunch and then I got to take a little napette with my Gibson and then he woke up and I gave him to his mama and I went back and slept some more, more, more.
I got up and it was so wonderful, having them still here, Gibson to smile at me, Owen to tell me to come and play with him, Lily to hug me.

Mr. Moon called earlier today when he was back in the states and he's worried about me and I hate that. I am hoping that when he bends down to kiss me it all comes out all right, like a happily-ever-after story and that he holds me tightly. I think he will.

I think maybe we'll stop in town for a bite to eat and maybe a drink and then come home to this house where we live and everything will quit being so weird and scary. I haven't been scared of being alone like someone is coming to get me or anything like that. Just scary like there's no one's head here but mine.

It'll be good to have another head here. I'm going to make him hold me tight, maybe all night. Who knows? Not me. I don't know shit anymore, despite what I said yesterday.

Don't know shit.

But I am going to wear a little make-up. Yes.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Love...Ms. Moon The Scaredy Cat


  1. I'm so glad that Daddy's back, and I'm so sorry that things have been hard on you. I hope you have a lovely supper tonight, and get and give so so many kisses. I love you.

  2. I was reading something today that made me think of you. It was written by a woman named Susanna Moodie in the 1830's. She and her husband had come to Canada when there was nothing here. Together they cleared the land at a rate of 2 acres every year. It was an incredible hard life. No food, fires, deathly freezing cold. Poor Susanna lost two children and struggled with depression. But she was deeply in love with her husband and he with her. He had been away seeking work and she wrote this about him. I know you will understand.
    "As a wife and mother, I have been so blessed. (And) one day in the company of my dear white-haired husband is worth all the joys and sorrows of those sad years at home."

  3. Yes, I know what you mean. That other body in the house even if it is in another room or just gone out or you don't even really talk to each other, it still has presence, it fills space.

  4. I know. I feel weird because this is the suicide month. And MIlo's birthday month. And it's dark. And rainy. And we have to turn the furnace on.

    A bath is my remedy.

    XXXXXXXX your friend wishing you well,


  5. Well, it's about two hours since you posted now . . . So I'm guessing Mr Moon is holding you tightly (even if one of you is driving!) . . . Or maybe you're holding hands over supper. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be exactly like a happily-ever-after-story. Always.
    I'm pleased that it can all stop being weird and scary for you now with two wonderful wise heads x x

  6. I'm glad your man is coming back :)

  7. I'm happy your love is home! May you find your peace now...or piece, whatever blows your hair back! ;)

    I had anxiety the last time my hub came home. It better not happen next time or I'm going to become a wino.

  8. People tell me this and I imagine you've been told it also. Mary, you are your own worse enemy. And I imagine having others around who you care for and care for you helps you to be less harsh on yourself. With that, enjoy.

  9. who knows???

    I know. And I bet you could be barefaced and the outcome would be the same, beautiful mama. tomuci

    I suspect you will calm and rejuvenated in the morning.

    Lucky duck


  10. I get the scary head thing. Ive had a lot of that lately. I have not felt this dark and insane in years. It hit me so hard and fast, I never saw it coming.

    I'm very happy that Mr. Moon is homeward bound. All will be well.
    Much love,

  11. A return to normalcy! (Such that it is.) I'm sure both you and Mr. Moon are looking forward to it!

  12. Mary, I know exactly what you mean. I feel like this all the time. It's nice to see someone else put it into words too.

  13. May- Lots of kisses. I assure you. We went to Kool Beanz and it was partially wonderful and partially horrible. I- yes I!- sent back my entree. A piece of grouper that was just not right. But it turned out fine- even with only one entree we still brought home leftovers. Jeez. I love you, baby!

    Birdie- And isn't that what we all want?

    Ellen Abbott- Certainly. Space which, if we have to fill it ourselves, may not contain what we might wish it to.

    Beth- I have taken many, many baths in the past week or so. I am boiled.

    Bugerlugs- Thank-you, you sweet thing. I am always so glad to see you here.

    Jill- Not as glad as I am! I assure you.

    Heartinhand- I know exactly what you're saying. Believe me.

    Rubye Jack- That is, without a doubt, too true for me. Yes. You're right.

    Michelle- I am calmer. I am happier. And I AM a lucky duck.

    Ms. Fleur- Oh god. I'm so sorry you're gong through this. It's just the worst. I hope it speeds on through and goes away.

    Steve- OUR normalcy, anyway. Right?

    Jo- I couldn't live like this all the time. I swear, I could not. I hope you don't have to either.

  14. I'm glad that your husband will be home. I know that when my wife is gone, it is hard. The house isn't complete, nor am I, without my mate.


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