Monday, November 5, 2012

Some Obscenity May Be Encountered

Lis gave me and Mr. Moon new chickens for our anniversary. There they are, hanging up there in that picture on either side of the eggplant. I hate Christmas

(Thank you, Darling Billy)

but I do love Christmas ornaments. Cool ones. Not ones that come from Hallmark and say, "Baby's First Christmas!" or any of that shit.

Okay. I guess some of those can be cool but not as cool as chicken or eggplant ornaments which are so cool I don't save them for Christmas (which I hate) but I hang them up so I can look at them all year 'round. Those are hanging above the sink where I spend a lot of time and I also have a new old Seminole Indian doll that I got at an antique store in Fernandina Beach. She's the one on the left up there, smiling and missing an earring. Sorry, New Old Seminole Indian Doll. I don't know what happened to your earring but I love you even without it.

God. What a weekend.

I can't even remember it all. I can look in the refrigerator though and see leftover grouper and stewed tomatoes and leftover pork chops and leftover cube steak and leftover broccoli and cauliflower and leftover mashed potatoes and a container of hummus which has about enough hummus left in it to put on top of a cracker that an ant might bake in an Easy Bake Ant Oven. Or a chip that a gnat might fry in an Ant Fry Baby. So it would appear that I did quite a bit of cooking.

Also, a jar of Tabasco olives which is almost empty. And a laundry room full of laundry although even my failing memory seems to recall that I did a lot of laundry this weekend. I mean, A LOT!

On top of a proposal of marriage with ensuing celebration, various outings with all the siblings, the concert and a party on Saturday night, Mr. Moon going hunting and then returning, we went to Waylon's birthday party yesterday. It was an awesome birthday party in that there were no clowns, no face-painting, no jumpy house things, and no crap in general. There were about five kids there including the birthday boy. Here's what Gibson looked like with his party hat on.

Could you die of the cuteness? I could.

So here's what they did have at this party- a playground, a cake that Shayla made, pizza, chips, some delicious corn and bean salsa, and cold drinks. There were party hats which no one had to wear, a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey that no one had to play, a picnic table, grandparents, great-grandparents and the most beautiful weather imaginable. Here's Waylon, pinning the tail on the donkey.

With tape.
Awesome, right?
Yes it was.

Owen spent most of his time telling his Aunt Jessie and Vergil to come and play with him on the playground. Which they did.
I spent most of my time eating abandoned pizza which was just laying there waiting for someone to rescue it. And holding Gibson. And giving him pizza crust.
It simply couldn't have been a better party in my opinion. I wore a bra but no one would have cared if I hadn't.

Last night I made a fairly large supper and Lily and the boys came out and joined us because it was Jessie and Vergil's last evening here for awhile. That was pretty chaotic. I think Owen must have drunk a Red Bull or something. Gotten a double-shot at Starbucks when no one was watching. I almost fell on the poor little guy and smashed him. He wrapped his arms around my legs when I was walking into the dining room and I was not expecting that and it seemed like it took me approximately forty-five minutes to fall. I knew I was going to fall, I just had to concentrate on not doing it in such a way that I would crush my grandson or break myself. I sort of wish I had a video of that fall because it was the most controlled fall I think I ever had. I didn't hurt Owen one bit and I don't think I did much damage to myself either. Of course it was embarrassing because it's always embarrassing when we fall. It's like, for that one second (or forty-five minutes), gravity WINS! and gravity laughs like a demented evil clown.
Oh well. I have very little pride left at this point in my life.

So it was some weekend and Jessie and Vergil have hit the road and Mr. Moon has gone to work. He took Buster back to the vet because Buster tore off his bandages and his stitches are all messed up and his ear's looking weird. Will this never end? Is it ethical to put an old dog down due to ear fucked-uppedness?
Probably not.

Anyway, it's quiet here. Well, except for various roosters, mainly my own. I should go take a walk. I finally finished that book by John Irving.
It was okay. It wasn't the worst book I ever read. It would have been a lot better if Irving had cut out at least 70% of the redundancy. I mean, really.

Tomorrow is Election Day. I am so glad I already voted. Florida is having voting difficulties. IMAGINE THAT! So is Ohio. I am not a conspiracy theorist but one has to wonder...
Florida. Ohio.
I don't have one more thing to say about this election. You know how I feel. Oh, let me add one thing- Mitt Romney didn't realize until very recently that gay people have children and families.
Fuck him.

How's that?

All right. Is there anyone here I haven't offended yet? If so, just let me know and I'll do an addendum.

Happy Monday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Holy moly, woman! I hope you are napping. That's a flurry of a weekend that would have done me in. I'm thinking bed---propped up just enough to slurp a bowl of leftover soup. But that's me. You're probably doing all that laundry.

  2. I hate Xmas too and they are already showing Xmas movies on TV and full blown Xmas commercials. Really, people. Xmas is not the end all and be all of life. It is not the part of the year that we suffer thought the rest of it for. But, like you, I do love Xmas ornaments, cool Xmas ornaments.

    And Romney. Really? It just now penetrated his brain pan that gay people have children and families? What, did he think they lived in isolated little bubbles?

  3. Denise- I feel a lot better and thus, able to do more. Which does not mean I won't be taking a nap this afternoon. BELIEVE ME!

    Ellen- Christmas. Bahfuckinghumbug. As to Romney- he probably thinks that gay people are too busy having gay sex all the time to do anything like have a family. Or hold down jobs and pay taxes. You know how those gays are. Completely irresponsible and always ready for hot, gay sex. (He's jealous.)

    Darling Billy- What's a biz? I love you.

    Elizabeth- It seemed appropriate.

  4. Ha! First you made me chuckle with your gnat easy bake oven and so on and then Billy made me blurt laughter, cause he is a funny guy. ("Biz" comes from "biz-nitch" which is just another way to say bitch.)

  5. You've yet to offend me, though you know how I feel about your Christmas hate :)

    You could wing it on the dog - ear - euthenasing if you wanted. See if it flies :)

    Waylon's party is the BEST kind. It is win. We've done it for Dade twice and it's lovely. I feel about party games and enforced 'fun' the way you feel about Christmas. Being outside, grass, free play. These things are good.

    I read about Florida. Those tricksy tricksy Republicans! Fight it! Vote, people! As Stephen Fry said today on Twitter 'I met Mitt Romney once. I know it's none of my business, but please not. Please.'

  6. Action packed weekend, you should be ready for a good nap. And I, for one, absolutely love the entire holiday season. Bring on the carols!

  7. Your offer of an addendum for anyone not yet offended made me weirdly happy. Happy Monday!

  8. I am rolling in the isles here! This post tickled my funny bone.. in that Oh so subtle as a freight train/dark humor of yours that I love!

    Thanks for the giggle.

  9. Damn, woman! That's a weekend!
    I'm so nervous about this election. Pleasepleasepleaseplease.

  10. "Fuck him" -- that's so funny to me right now. I guess I'm just so tired of no one coming out and saying it.

    I love the Christmas ornaments and may just steal your idea and hang some above my sink also. The chickens are indeed quite cool.

  11. I'm so glad I early voted as well.
    I am making Christmas ornaments and I hope you'd like them even though you hate all the others. It is the only gift I will be able to give family this year so I hope they are worthy.

    What is your election result watching meal? I'm thinking breakfast will be ours...

  12. There were obscenities? I didn't notice.

    I'll be so sick if somebody who thinks it's perfectly acceptable to bully gay and transgendered people is elected into the executive office. Sick and sad and woebegone. Utterly woebegone.

  13. I'm not offended. In fact, I'm cheering!

    Glad you didn't take anyone out (including yourself) with that fall. I bet your house is a lot of fun to wander around in, with your eggplant and chickens and other oddments.

    Fortunately we're going back to the states for Christmas this year, so I don't need to worry about any decorating. Last year I bought a tree, but I usually feel the way you do. I am not a Christmas fan.

  14. DTG- Thank you for educating me. Always. Only Billy could call me bitch and make me love it.

    Jo- Thank-you, sweet. I'm glad i didn't offend you.

    Angella- And I, you.

    Nancy- You can have ALL of my carols. Thank-you.

    Stephanie- Those whom I may have offended have graciously remained silent. Too bad.

    Ms. Fleur- Yeah. I am not known for my subtlety, am I?

    Rachel- And another ten billion Pleases.

    Rubye Jack- Well, it's my blog so I can say what I feel. Mostly. About politics I sure as hell can.

    Jacki- I think leftover cube steak will be on the menu. Someone has to eat it.

    Ajax- And sorely disappointed in the citizens of this country.

    Steve Reed- I spent last Christmas in Mexico. BEST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE! Without a doubt. My house is rather, uh, interesting.

  15. I am not thinking about Christmas. Cannot go there now.


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