Monday, November 26, 2012

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

It's freaking cold out, which for us here in North Florida means below freezing. I don't like cold weather and if I did, I'd live in Minnesota which I can't even spell without spellcheck. I can't spell for shit anymore.
I don't like getting older any more than I like cold weather.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah. Did we all sleep well?

So last year I did not do Christmas. Not one bit. Mr. Moon and I had our trip to Cozumel planned and I maybe bought Owen a few presents and Gibson wasn't even born yet. That was it. I totally ignored the entire holiday which was awesome and wonderful and sure, they were doing Christmas on the island but it was not MY Christmas and so I could just enjoy it from a distance as if it were some sort of strange and alien celebratory ritual which is how I view it anyway but since I was there instead of here, that made it okay. That made it, in fact, the first Christmas in many decades that I've actually enjoyed.

God. I was so happy.

But this year- shitfire. We're going to be here, I guess, and now I have to determine just how far with this crap I'm going to go. Am I going to buy gifts for people? Will I have the Traditional Christmas Eve dinner? I know that Lily is having Christmas morning at her house and hurray for that. This is all very worrisome to me. And stressful. I don't think you can just do a little bit of Christmas any more than you can just be a little bit pregnant. You buy one present for one person, you've got to buy presents for everyone. And next thing you know you're in the fucking mall and they're playing those fucking Christmas songs which make me physically ill and then you're buying wrapping paper and then you're drinking rum by the liter and crying, crying, crying.

Okay. Maybe that's just me.

So yeah, the madness has begun even though I haven't stepped foot into a retail establishment and please, please, PLEASE don't tell me to buy local and all that shit. That still requires walking into stores and making decisions and choices and falling into a heap of despair. And even if the Christmas songs they're playing are recordings of some sort of African World Music Version of Jingle Bells, it's still Jingle Bells. Or whatever.

It just occurred to me that the Rolling Stones never released a Christmas song. That I know of. One more reason to love their old scrawny asses. Can you imagine a Stones Christmas carol? The very idea makes me laugh.

Okay. I better go take a walk. It must be up in the forties by now which is practically tropical. I've got the sheets in the wash and I'm going to town to stay with the boys this afternoon for a little while and I've got a rehearsal tonight and so yes, life goes on and I suppose I can ignore Christmas for a few more days. At least.

As much as I don't believe in that whole Mayan end-of-the-world thing, I sort of wish it was real. At least we wouldn't have to do Christmas this year. Or ever again.
And I wouldn't age any more and spelling would really not matter one way or the other.

Keith Richards would probably survive. That would be awesome.

One Love, y'all....Ms. Moon


  1. I hate the idea of Christmas as Commercial Enterprise too. I hate it. It makes me sick to my stomach.

    I don't need anything or want anything and wandering around stores looking for things for people who are in the same situation as me is depressing.

    Here's what I would do if I were you - I would bake bread for people I love and give it to them with a little jar of jelly or some flavored butter. You bake anyway.

    I love the home made gifts, and don't know what I'll do this year for my nearest and dearest. I'm trying not to let it worry me until December on principle alone.

    Hope your walk helped and you feel less old. That's what I want for Christmas, the gift that can't be given. :)

  2. I totally agree with you about the whole Christmas BS. Oh, how I would love to just ignore the whole damn thing. But I think I will make one small effort to be a little bit festive and put up a christmas tree and maybe some lights and then the next thing I know I'll be in the f*cking mall ..... oh sweet jesus help me ..... ok, maybe I should just plan a trip. Love your posts and look forward to reading them. You always put a smile on my face and for that I really do thank you.

  3. I want a Go-Pro camera, another rifle, a hot babysitter, a new truck-Tacoma please, and a piece of hand made fiber cord 3 feet long.

    You know, if you were wondering.

  4. I completely ignore xmas. Ok yes I partake in some gatherings with family but we make it about having a wonderful meal and seeing each other. No gifts are exchanged beyond giving a couple of gifts to my teenager. Otherwise I proclaim that every last one of us can buy our own shit.

    I live in Minnesota. I do not like the cold. It sucks. :)

  5. I'm with you totally and absolutely. I hate it too. Except for Harley's enthusiasm and glee, it's all a bunch of hoo ha.

    Maybe you guys could do secret santa or something. That way everyone could get one sort of cool thing and then, done! It's a thought.

    Hang in there. I know this time is not at all your fave.
    love you darlin,

  6. Mel- Well, for outside-the-family, the bread idea is a fine one. Or something like that. But the kids- oh, for the simple days when they were little people and a few small gifts would excite them so and make them happy. I miss those days so much.

    Kelly M- Well, I keep the Christmas decorations that I love up all year round so adding more to it seems weird to me. I might get a small tree. Who knows? Fuck it. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I really do appreciate comments more than you know.
    Also- I highly recommend a trip.
    RUN AWAY!!!!

    Magnum- Noted.

    Jill- I think that may be my plan this year too. Give the babies some toys and make a nice meal. Done.

  7. Yep,I predict my traditional Christmas breakdown to begin on approximately the 21st or so. Although I'm going to try really, really hard to stave it off.

    I slept so well that I decided to keep sleeping, and take a sick day today. Don't tell.

  8. I so get this. Maybe I'll just give everyone pretty jars of jam like mel suggests and call it a day.

    Except my kids of course. Who need nothing and who are saying they need nothing but I cannot for the life of me imagine not giving them something in wrapping paper to tear open on christmas morning.

    i just never learned to do christmas, i don't know why. i think when i was growing up, everyone else did it and i just went along. i wish i could just go along.

    don't worry, mary. we'll all be here together, holding hands.

  9. SJ- Don't you feel sometimes like the comment section of other people's blogs is the most private place in the world? I do. Ha! I won't tell. No worries.

  10. Last year I bought no gifts except one special thing for my son. My sister started this no buying gifts thing so I suppose there is much to be said for her. As for the mall, I can't handle it period, forget going in there in December. No way whatsoever. Last year I had no tree, no lights, nothing special and you know I was very fine with it that way. It's such a much of crap to buy into. bah humbug? I think not.

  11. Not to minimize your pain at all, but I find it fascinating to think on the implications of your particular aversion to Christmas- how very, very much what we emotionally experience during an event or happening has to do with our experiences and thoughts, and very little to do with what is actually happening. I think about this a lot because I find it empowering in my own struggles.

    Some things are pretty impenetrable without divine intervention and if Christmas is one of those things for you, why can't you just ignore it? Write a letter to all your family and friends and say ' hey, i love you and you love me, which is why i know you'll understand that i can't participate in creating christmas, but if you have a dinner, i'd love to come' or whatever.

    i think you have raised your kids and you are grown ass woman and one of the benefits of that is to say ' none of this for ME '


  12. why the hell is blogger making the 'not a robot' entries so so SO small lately? i can't read the numbers!

  13. All of the suggestions above are great ones, and I hate to add anything to them, but I'm thinking that your family -- your wonderful family -- should just pick names. May, You, Lily, Jesse and Virgil, Hank, and Mr. Moon -- put those names in a hat and everyone pick one. Then you agree that the present can't be anything over a certain dollar limit ($10, $25, etc.) or it has to be home-made or funny or ugly or whatever.

    The rest of Christmas? Fuck it. Put up that ugly ornament thing you have and call it a day.

  14. If you decide to partake, may I suggest shopping on Amazon and Etsy and floating the idea of Kris Kindle (you draw a name out and just buy a present for that one person?) and do pot luck parties, don't cook it all. I think you can do a little Christmas.

    One year, my husband bought charity presents for all of us - I'm sure you have that there, there's an Irish organisation that does girft cards - you buy a clutch of chicks, for example, for an African family, towards setting them up with an income. Or trees, or part of a cow if you're feeling generous etc. And you give the giftee a nice card saying what's been boughti n their name.

    It made my mother cry, she was so touched. He'd done it because the whole consumer thing disgusted him so much. He was worried how we'd take it but it was great.

  15. Fuck. I forgot the world was ending this year and I am almost finished my Christmas shopping. Damnitalltohell.

    OK, here is what we do in my family. We buy gifts for the kids and every year each adult draws a name. You have all year to come up with a gift under $10.00 and it has to be bought at a thrift store. It is so much fun. I have scored some very cool gifts this way! The only thing is you need a year. If you draw names to late trying to find something is just a stressful as regular shopping.

  16. Right there with you, except that my alcohol of choice is wine!!

  17. Angella- We keep wanting to make the "magic" happen for the kids and you know? It's not even possible and it's probably not even advisable. We gave it to them when they were little. We did good. Now can we please admit there is no Santa Claus?

    Rubye Jack- Scrooge and the Grinch got a real bad rap.

    Maggie May- Yeah. Well, my family is already quite aware of how I feel. I think they find it amusing. I hope so, at least. And yes, I know why I feel the way I do about Christmas and it's not going to change and in fact, it gets worse every year.
    And I have no idea what's going on with the VWs.

    Elizabeth- BAD, HORRIBLE Santa! Yep. I'll be putting him up soon.

    Jo- I love the idea of the charity thing but I think it's a cheat. If I want to give money to a charity, I should just do it. I don't want to do that in anyone else's name. I mean, some people may find it a beautiful thing but I think it's sort of weird. But I do love the idea of buying chickens for people who need them.

    Birdie- Sounds like a good idea. Thanks.

    Mama D- We are Legion!

  18. Christmas... I can't get enough of it. I love decorating and the way my house smells like fresh pine and cinnamon. I love baking and gathering around the fireplace to read stories. I love swapping treats with my neighbors. I think children should believe in Santa as long as possible. I don't shop, so the commercial aspect is a non-issue. I love carolers. I pray for mountains of snow each year (even though it's unlikely here in Atlanta). I love sending Christmas cards to my circle of family and friends. I love the heightened spirit of charity. Many of these things I do throughout the year, but it's "funnest" at Christmas time. Mary, I could go on forever. Matter of fact, I think I've just worked myself up for a cup of cheer!

  19. Perhaps it's time to take a breath and realize that Christmas has more to do with others than yourself. It's not about shopping and stress unless you decide that's what it's about. It's about the joy of being alive and cherishing those we love so they know how we feel. And while you may say you do that every day, there are millions that don't. Ever. Except perhaps because it's Christmas. And that is a start.

  20. Nancy- Girl. I just love your spirit. I truly do! You are one hell of a woman and your friends and family are blessed.

    Shamayah- Thanks. I am now aware that it's not about me. Or my beliefs. Or non-beliefs. Yes, you are exactly right- I would much rather show the people I love in very tangible ways every day of my life how much I love and cherish them. And I try to do that.

  21. Exactly, Ms Moon. All what you said.

    Please youtube Dina Martina Christmas carols. Please.

    You won't be sorry.

    I make a shit ton of grape jelly avery year and ta-da! gifts.

    XXXX Beth

  22. I'm pretty sure a Stones Christmas carol would give us all a much healthier perspective on the holidays.

  23. I'm still trying to heal my heart about Christmas crap from my childhood, so to say I bust my ass every year to make it magical is an UNDERSTATEMENT!

    It's so much work and it's totally stupid, but I love it. I love the sweet tradition of it and I love buying/making gifts for friends and family. As long as no one gets drunk and drops the turkey on the floor, it's a success.

  24. As for gifts - I hate buying them because commercialism has made it so that if you haven't bought your loved one or friend a new car, then you don't really love them. The only gift area where there is the least fun left for me is in the stockings. I can still spend a bundle but everyone loves all the little surprises and treats. And socks. Always a pair of socks.
    We will be not be having our usual Christmas this year as we will be away until late the 24th. We intend to be at some Mayan ruins in Belize for the End of the World. You should come too.

  25. I stand in Grinch Butt solidarity with you Ms Moon


  26. Beth Coyote- I will do. I promise. And grape jelly has got to be the best Christmas present ever. It is beautiful and it tastes beautiful too. One more thing- lately, I have been enamored of the term "shit-ton."

    Steve Reed- What's in YOUR stocking, baby? Uh-huh.

    Heartinhand- I love that you love doing it, even though it's really hard. And hey- getting drunk and dropping the turkey on the floor wouldn't be the end of the world. You know?

    Jeannie- Shut up! That is my idea of a perfect Christmas. Being among the Mayan ruins. Specifically, the ones on Cozumel which were the small temples dedicated to Ixchel but hell, I'd take any of them.

    Michelle- I love you, honey. Thanks.

  27. I don't think your post is bitchy. This is season for the roller coaster of emotions--happy/sad/guilt/sentiment/love and more. I really want to focus on love and not on material stuff that I don't need. I want to simply be with my wife and a few friends that I love. That's all I really have. Not much else matters.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.