Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Dense and gray and maybe we'll get rain. Maybe? Meanwhile, the gray presses down like an old quilt with the stuffing coming out, gray too, that stuffing, very uncomfortable.

Ache, ache, ache. That is my body's song. All night I wake and ache. My new neighbors leave their lights on most of the night and they shine in my window and I have to get blinds or something because I can't sleep with light shining into my window. It's one of my number one things I hate. Until I figure out the blinds thing, I am going to sleep in the guest room and that's all there is to it.

This is what my life has come down to at this point- sleep.

Well, I am a fortunate one. I have another bed.

But today I am going to town. Yes. Yes. Going to go see Lily and the boys and go to Target. Lily's dishwasher ate a piece of her pumping mechanism and we must buy a new one. Then maybe lunch. Then a little babysitting. Power Rangers will be involved. See? I have a life.

This is why my blogging has been off. I have nothing to say. Literally. Nothing. No one wants to read about someone else's gray sky.

This is the season of gray skies and pressing-down. This is the time of three-eggs-in-the-nest being the best of the day. These are the days of light coming into my bedroom window waking me up to the ache, to the memory of the light shining into my room through the curtains from where the man sits in front of the TV, he and I the only ones awake in the dread house, his dead eyes watching...what? My heart pounding.

Well. Things change and I know that and they do and they will. But why does memory have to retain what is so long gone?

If I live to be a thousand (oh, god, please no) I will never understand this.


  1. Sorry bout the neighbors... I feel responsible. Hope that becomes less of an issue soon.

    I can talk to them if you want. Which window is it, the kitchen?

  2. Well. Things change and I know that and they do and they will. But why does memory have to retain what is so long gone?

    Amen Sister.

  3. I feel for you with the light shining in your room. I had to get some light blocking shades from Sears that don't work OK. I have to have mini blinds as well. Or maybe Mr. Moon could just shoot the lights out with his gun. Yes, that would work.

  4. Fuck that man with the dead eyes . . . I would happily go back and stab him with the metal bough of a fake christmas tree, arsehole.
    I don't know why we have to remember for so long. Why we can't choose to forget . . .
    I'm sorry it's all so gray for you right now.
    Sending you light and love and rainbows to chase away the gray aches and pains of the past and present x

  5. Why suffer, my beloved Mer-Mer? A blanket duct taped to the window should help temporarily. Or else, cardboard boxes opened up and taped in place. It doesn't need to be gorgeous....just something to block the light till Mr. Moon comes home and can really solve it properly. Or perhaps, just his coming home will do it.
    Forgive me darling if I am out of line.......but you may be deceiving yourself when you claim to like being alone.....I think perhaps not. And that's OK. I hope things will be better soon.

  6. Me either. I haven't had much to say either on the blog. Life is moving along. It has been gray here too.

  7. You can talk grey and achy to me any day.

    Memory is a blessing and a curse.

    The world's supposed to end next month. You only have to make it one more month. And i personally, won't be able to stick it out all 37 days without you here.

  8. I have something for you at my blog and it is NOT an award or something you have to follow up on! :-)

  9. It would be nice if we could pick and choose our memories, wouldn't it?

    I'm sorry you're aching, but at least you have the dog(s) for company. I think you're mainly missing Mr. Moon.

  10. Oh, and yes, talk to us about your gray skies, by all means! We want to read about your life -- not just the sunny days, but ALL of it. Your wonderful writing makes it interesting and funny and compelling, even when the sky is gray.


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