Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What If Tears Were Honey?

Lily is so beautiful right now that it's hard to believe- I mean, she's always been beautiful but this baby is making her shine brighter than these fall days or spring days or both together and I think it's all the love, love, love. You should see the way she loves that Owen boy. You should see it. She has never been more beautiful. She IS spring and she IS life and she IS Beauty and I remember those days of being pregnant and sometimes I did feel full-to-bursting with beauty and life and sometimes I just felt so tired.

That is life.

I tell Lily, "You are so beautiful." I tell Owen, "You are so beautiful."
I tell this day, "You are so beautiful."

Last night Mr. Moon was late getting in from playing poker (well, late for him, not really so late) and I woke up and where was he? and my stomach clenched and I curled around myself with a book and read, read, read, one tiny molecule of brain on the book, the rest all wrapped in worry and he came in and I said, "I was worried!" and he said, "Don't worry about your man!" and I said, "I can't help it."

He held me and we slept and maybe, maybe the older you get the more you can see the beauty, the more you can truly know how love makes beauty and the more you know how slick this road of life is and the more you fear the loss as the golden coins of all that love pile up.
The more there is of love, the more there is to lose.
The more you know of light, the more the darkness penetrates.

Or something. I do not know.
I only know it is so bright today, there is so much goodness and it scares me and I think of all the gold I have spent, unknowingly, already slipped through my fingers and that's all right- that is the way it should be- grasping at love is no good, it is, in fact, impossible, but how to let it flow like a sparkling river without wanting to haul buckets of it up to a safe place, knowing all the while that if it was not flowing, the water would be as gray as the bucket, as still as lead?

It is a day that I want to gather all of my babies to me and hold them so tightly. I want to touch their faces, their beautiful faces, I want to let my love for them spill off my fingers and into their heart-pockets. I want them to know how much I have always loved them, will always love them, how much love there is in this world for them, I only channel some of it, not all, but certainly all I have which is not inconsiderable.

I think love has made me crazy today. I think it has made me insane. I think the light is driving me out of my mind. I wasn't made to hold all of this and even as I have lived it, this life has not prepared me for itself.


  1. Love is a good thing to have make you crazy. I am so excited for you and your family. And not sure if I commented before on the pic of you and Mr. Moon kissing in Cozumel, but it made me happy inside. I like knowing you are loved and that picture really captured it.

    You are beautiful, too.

  2. Sigh. You said it beautifully, as usual.

  3. Yay for love! Yay for the Moon/Thigpen clan!

    You guys are a rockin great fam. We sure do love youz all.

  4. Heart pockets....Mary your words oozed with love. Yes, maybe with time on this earth, with our loved ones we fully learn the whole purpose, feel, need, desire,the give and give and give...of love.

    There are times I feel I need to bookmark a post of yours to reread when I am blue and feeling lonely.

    hugs to you dear lady!

  5. Ms. Moon, thank you for reminding me again today to be OPEN and PRESENT in love.

  6. This is so beautiful, it made my throat catch.

    You are beautiful, and I love you.

  7. I also forgot to add that I agree, Lily is beautiful as hell. Tell her I said that.

  8. I wish I felt one iota of this today =)

  9. Love is the main thing that keeps us going. I am glad that you have a life filled with a lot of love.

  10. Lily is gorgeous pregnant! That happiness is just bursting out of her!

  11. Oh man, full to bursting with love--I know that feeling and I live it and it falls out of my eyes occasionally. Lily is absolutely glowing and so so beautiful.

  12. Gorgeous Lily! And she looks so like Owen too :)

  13. gradydoctor- Yep. If you're going to be crazy...

    Nicol- You are so sweet.

    Ms. Fleur- We're weird but a good weird.

    HoneyLuna- Yes. You too, my love.

    Ellen- And hugs to you, too.

    Stephanie- Sometimes it is so overwhelming it is hard not to fear it, rather than just live in it. For me, anyway.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- You are beautiful and I love YOU.

    SJ- Oh honey. It's okay.

    Syd- And I am glad you have it in your life, too.

    Kori- Isn't she?

    Lora- It does tend to spill out, doesn't it?

    Jo- I know. She does.

  14. "The love you take is equal to the love you make."

  15. she is beautiful. she sure is.

    and you.

    you are beautiful too, lady moon.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.