For absolutely no apparent reason on the most beautiful of Saturday mornings I am in complete panic mode.
But I saw a bluebird. It flew up as I opened the kitchen door, so improbably blue that I thought I was surely seeing things that were not there but no, it perched on a bare pecan limb and I am keeping that glory in my mind, I am doing one thing at a time, I am trying not to fall into whatever abyss this is which is yawning before me.
Toilets, rugs, bluebirds, sky, and all of that and all of this and the very question of which do I use in the chicken salad- pecans or sliced almonds- is enough to blow the blood vessels out in my head.
I do not think this is normal.
Deep breaths. Camomile tea. Bluebirds are a good omen. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. The abyss is stretching to this coast, too. It's right under my feet. Let's not drop in. Let's not drop in. Let's no drop in.
ReplyDeleteIt's not normal. And it's horrible. Put in a little of both, and I hope it ebbs off fast xx
ReplyDeleteOh, wah. Okay, I'm not usually a big advice-giver, but try alternate nostril breathing for 7 minutes. (http://www.artofliving.org/yoga-breathing-techniques/alternate-nostril-breathing-nadi-shodhan) It seems to help, and there's not much of a downside -- 7 minutes lost, I guess, if it doesn't work?
ReplyDeleteSorry Mary. Depression is scary and saps joy out os us. Hang on.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Really, I am.
ReplyDeletea. Why don't you? (I make it worse for me, but if it helps you, do it.)
ReplyDeleteb. Sliced almonds.
never too late to start.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry; Lis will be there soon and she will help you with everything and hold your hand if you need it. All will be well and tomorrow will be a beautiful day for Jessie and all of you.
ReplyDeleteI vote for pecans!
pecans, no doubt. Keep breathing deeply all the love surrounding you.
ReplyDeletexo.
I am a spirit floating throughout your house. When you need to, give me that nostril signal and I'll help you disappear.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's normal. For someone with PTSD.
ReplyDeleteI find it helpful at times to remind myself that these feelings are a remnant of a response that was once useful but is now redundant and irrational in the currect circumstances. But most of the time I spend waiting for the next catastrophy to arrive. And life being what it is, it does, eventually.
I think we are supposed to spend the time between catastrophes to heal and enjoy life and strengthen our selves for whatever may come. In my case that doesn't happen. Do the best you can and try to take it as it comes, as they say, one day at a time.
-invisigal
Do you know for sure that smoking dope would help? I only say this because it heightens my anxiety and magnifies my fears ten fold. This happened with age.
ReplyDeletePecans just because the bluebird landed on a bare pecan limb.
Your home and heart(and the abyss) will be filled and overflowing with love and music real soon. Sending much love and warm hugs x
Too much to do is overwhelming for everyone. Forget the cleaning part, just do the Food....that is what everyone will notice and remember anyway.
ReplyDeletePecans for sure.
And bluebirds is a good thing.
I retract sliced almonds in the interest of unanimity. Pecans!
ReplyDeleteLooks like my 'both' idea isn't shared with anyone else (though it's a philosophy close to my heart) so I hope you went with pecans, these women are sure of their nuts :)
ReplyDeleteWalnuts!
ReplyDelete(Sorry. That probably doesn't help.)
I hope the abyss will go away for you. I think the reality of the moment is normal. It's hard to deal with but does pass, right? Take care and focus on that bird and the lovely day.
ReplyDeleteI think about starting to smoke pot every day of my life. Instead I am hooked on Ativan. One day I will have he courage to see which one is better.
ReplyDelete