From A To Z

What a strange day. Not a bad one, but a strange one. I spent a good part of the morning on the phone and some of that time was weepy and sad and some of it was fine but it was a lot of time and then I got a lot of stuff done around here and then, finally, in the afternoon I got around to taking a walk and I only walked two miles but it's so hard to walk now that I can hardly stand to do it. It was better on the beach when we walked slowly and there were things to look at but here I'm trying to do my regular walk and I just can't.
I ran into the guy we used to call the Sheik back in the seventies because he always wore a turban thing but now he just dresses like a sharp dressed man and we stopped on Main Street and chatted a little bit. He wanted to know where I've been and I had to tell him all about my hip and he thought that was hysterical, that I popped it out of joint dancing and yeah, it's just fucking funny as hell but it was a good chat.
When I got home I could barely move. I was that tired and in that much pain. When I walk now, I am constantly thinking about how I'm doing it and how to try and do it right and the pain reminds me that for all of these years I haven't been doing it right and it's just hard. And no, my feet are nowhere near flying above the ground.
Still, it was so good to be out on the road a little, and in the woods, and I picked a branch of azaleas which have made a comeback in the yard of a house where no one lives.

And then I kept pushing myself, just a little, to get this done and that, to keep moving because I knew if I stopped, I'd never get up, or at least that's how it felt. So I got sheets changed and laundry put away and dishes washed and just all the steps that it takes to go from one place to another, hands busy, and I took Ibuprofen and Mr. Moon came home and he was so much better than when he left this morning. He'd made a decision and followed through on it and he felt a million times lighter, I could tell. 

And that made me happy because this morning I was seriously worried about him. And he was going to take a quick nap because he hardly slept at all last night but he took the trash and cleaned an engine and I don't even know what and now he's off to a basketball game in town and it's not even seven o'clock yet and I just want to sleep. But I can't. It's too early. 

I just drank a shot of espresso. Will that help? Am I dying? Is this in my mind or in my body or both? 

I am not sleeping well at night and that's a fact. I go to sleep and I wake up, over and over again. Hot flashes and outside disturbances and my own snoring- whatever- I wake up and I do this thing where I make lists of similar things with names starting with A and then to B and then to C and so forth. 

Albert, Bob, Carl, David...

Agatha, Betty, Cindy, Diana...

Asparagus, Bok Choy, Carrots, Daikon Radishes...

Have I already discussed this before? 

I fall back asleep and then I wake up a half hour later and go through another list. 

Abuela, bonita, chica, de nada...

Should I quit gluten or carbs? Should I take Cod Liver oil or Geritol? 

I don't know. 

Tomorrow Gibson is turning one. Lily says that he is walking more and more as if he knows he's about to turn one and needs to get this thing together. There's a little party at her house tomorrow night and we'll have hotdogs and cake and we'll celebrate the joyfulness that is Gibson. I'll get to see all of my kids except for Jessie and it'll be good and we'll see her again soon, very soon, and it will be her wedding. Oh my. 

The sun has come out and there are more shades of green right now than there are words to describe them. I made supper in the crockpot and I need to go make Mr. Moon a plate for when he gets in, pack his lunch for tomorrow and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. The thought of SO MUCH WORK makes me want to cry, which is ridiculous.

I just read a quote on Facebook and this is it: 

"Gods in charge." I SO wanted to comment and ask, "Which ones?"

I got a flyer in the mail today from a local church advertising their upcoming events: a pig roast, the Easter Drama, and for their five year anniversary a Christian Comedian named Justin Fennell who looks, well, insane. 

Also, these words.

Yes, yes. We are coming up onto Easter and the thought of that makes me tired, too. My least favorite Christian holiday where we celebrate the death and resurrection of our Lord and that is just too creepy for words but I won't get into that now. I will say that I just saw Elvis jump on Ozzie and have his way with her and then he jumped off and she shook her feathers and then they all went back to scratching for their last bugs of the day. I will also say that yesterday Mr. Moon told me that he found two more bats IN THE KITCHEN SINK and they were scratching, trying to get out and I said, "Okay, that's the creepiest thing you could find in the kitchen sink except for maybe a severed human hand, scrabbling away trying to escape," and no, none of these things go together, not one bit. Unless they do.

I don't know.

I also don't know what Confess Jesus As Your Lord means unless it's a shameful thing to do. Whatever, I doubt I'll be doing it but I know for a fact that the Transforming Life Church will be sending me (Postal Customer) more flyers as Easter approaches and they will probably be showing gory pictures of our poor Lord bleeding on the cross in lurid color and detail and that will piss me off too. 

All right. One more picture. I stole this one from Facebook where Lily posted it. It's Owen with a lollypop he got at the Jr. Museum which has real and actual ants in it. Food grade ants, I am assuming.

Lily said they had cheese-and-bacon flavored crickets too but she didn't buy any.

Well, that's me. I think my espresso has kicked in enough that I can get up and go deal with that kitchen stuff. Maybe I'll get a second wind and it won't be that long before I can go to bed to sleep and dream and wake up and make lists in my mind. 

It's been a strange day, but not a bad one.

So much love...Ms. Moon