It was a good day with those boys. Owen was so glad to be here and I think that Gibson was too. I also think he is calling me "Mimi" and that is not happening. I knew a Mimi in high school. Some things are never forgotten, some associations cannot be broken. But still. Mimi. Sometimes it sounds more as if he is saying Mer-Mer. Either way, he is calling me something and I am in love with him and he is my boy. He opened the cabinet in the kitchen today and pulled out every place mat he could get his hands on. As you can see, he was pretty proud of that. He is looking more and more like his daddy. His favorite word is something which sounds like boodgy. I have no idea what that means but it makes him happy to say it. He can say brother and Mama and Daddy and car. I bury my face in his neck and kiss him and kiss him and he giggles. He pokes my eyes thoughtfully. He dances all the time.

Owen. Bless him. He lost four pounds during his second bout with the stomach flu. That's like a tenth of his body-weight and he's already in the midst of a sprouting-up, a thinning out. The child is not a fat boy. And he wasn't interested in eating today. I offered him smoothie (not with kale) and muffins and cheese toast and pizza and banana. He had a few bites of muffin. And some ginger-ale with orange juice. That was it. But he's almost back to full energy. He did at least four puzzles. He loves the puzzles. We also played airplane and we flew to a pizza joint, our seat belts securely fastened, our suitcases by our side. He learned that if he puts on my red cowgirl boots, he can pop the hell out of bubble wrap. So today's visit was not an entire waste, educationally speaking. He tells me he loves me. Out of the clear blue, he says it. "Mer-Mer, I love you." And my god, I love him.

And yet. Even with such beautiful boys around today, I am sunk somewhere pretty deep. It's okay. I'll pull out but right now, this second, I feel like the gray sky, the coming cold, the waning moon.
A hawk calls, evening prematurely falls.

We may get up and go to the coast tomorrow. We shall see. There is an entire evening to get through first, and then a sleep. And then we shall see.