Monday, March 11, 2013

Sigh.

I can't believe it's almost noon. This time change thing has whacked me out just as I'm sure it's whacked everyone else out. As long as I live I will never understand why we do such a weird and random thing as to try and change time although yes, I realize we're not actually trying to change time but yes, sort of we are. Do you suppose it's a Human Control Issue? Man displaying dominion over the laws of the universe?
I have no idea but honestly, it can't be a good idea.

I'm in recovery mode today. I don't have one thing planned beyond doing the laundry. I haven't done laundry since last Thursday so of course there's an unbelievable amount of it to do. Last night Mr. Moon went to pack for his morning workout and he could not grasp the concept that his gym towels were not clean. It was like, THEY HAD TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE. He even said, "Maybe they're in the laundry room."
And I was like, "Yeah, they are. BUT THEY'RE NOT CLEAN!"
It was a mindblower. And yet, the world seems to continue to spin.

Whoa. Since I started writing this I've done three loads of laundry and Jessie and I had a lovely porch visit with her old friend Molly who brought over her baby boy Julian.

Jessie was going through old pictures all morning and Molly was in about half of them. And some of you may recall that Jessie was serendipitously in town when Julian was born and got to be with Molly and her husband for the birth which was just a cosmic and gorgeous event. And Julian is a cosmic and gorgeous boy and Molly is such a good mama. Time does fly. Jessie would hold up a picture of me and say, "Look how cute you were," and I'd say, "Yeah. I was three years older there than you are now."
Both of us were somewhat shocked, I think, to realize how fast it all goes. There I was and here I am and there she and Molly were and here they are. 
We had some leftover party sandwiches and they were delicious. Especially the cucumber ones. 
You just can't beat a good cucumber sandwich.


God, it was some weekend. And now Jessie's gone and Molly's gone and I'm here alone for the first time in days and days and although I cried when Jessie left (I do tend to cry when my beloveds leave, don't I?) I am glad to be alone. I read Leonard Pitt's column this morning about introverts and it really hit me that I, too, am one of those. And the older I get, the stronger the need for a lot of alone time becomes. And I need to quit feeling like there's something wrong with me and just accept that being an introvert who craves and needs and loves time to herself is not only fine, it's as normal as being one of those people who loves and needs and craves constant interaction with others. I'm always SO exhausted after big parties and I'm coming to realize it's not just the work involved, it's the necessity of socializing. I'm not good at it anymore and it wears me out. As beautiful and fun as Kathleen's wedding and Jessie's shower were, they have left me completely undone and exhausted and I am as content and happy to be here on my back porch on this gray day than anything else I can imagine. 
There's a yard full of chickens, mine and the neighbor's, scratching about and the feeder is busy today and just watching and listening to all of this avian life is plenty for me. I have laundry running, a pot of soybeans cooking. I've talked to Lis on the phone and wrapped up her mother's beautiful crystal punch bowl and twenty-five cups and the ladle in pink tissue paper and put them in their box and everything I do today is going to be done slowly and with intent and gratefulness. 

I am at peace. 

Tomorrow I will go to town and see my boys again and get supplies for us to take to Dog Island but for today, I am simply here. I am being here now. 

And then we'll go to the island (knock wood) on Wednesday, hopefully, and there will be days of sitting and walking and watching the water, the birds. There will be reading and napping and playing cards and cooking and eating and an abundance of being here now. Or there. You know what I mean.
And the damn time won't mean a thing unless it's in the context of time to eat, time to sleep, time to watch the sunset, etc. It's quite possible I won't talk to half a dozen people over the entire course of our stay there and those conversations, if I have them, will be limited. 
"Hello."
"Catching anything?"
"Nice weather."

Of course I'll talk to my husband but after almost thirty years with him, that will be easy. And if we don't talk, that'll be fine too. I love it when he wades out to fish in the bay and I stay on shore and watch him. He becomes part of the world of the water and the sky and that makes us both happy. 

Well, it's afternoon now. I'd say good morning but that time has come and gone. 
Doesn't matter. 

I don't have dominion over anything except for the laundry and what we'll be eating tonight. Which sounds pretty perfect to me. It has been days of constant doing and I am so very, very happy to have before me a few days of constant nothing-much-at-all.

Much love...Ms. Moon







7 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that you made it through, intact enough to write a beautiful, peaceful post. And I'm so glad that you are taking the time today to just be in your beautiful surroundings.

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  2. Winding down is an art to be appreciated. I could feel my muscles relaxing as I read. I hope your time in Dog Island is, in your own words, cosmic.

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  3. Hello Mary Moon. I'm happy to picture you on your porch.

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  4. Introverts is the best kind of folks.....t'others wear me out just thinking of them.
    I always need at least 2 days to recharge after any interaction with people....especially people I love.
    For me, relating somehow involves more giving than taking.

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  5. I am a serious introvert. After three hours of socializing I become unable to look anyone in the eye, let alone speak.

    Enjoy your relaxing time.

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  6. Elizabeth- It has been a restful day. I hope for you, too.

    Nancy- It may be a cosmic time and even if it's just a very quiet, easy time I will be grateful.

    Maggie May- My favorite room not-in-the-house.

    Lo- Me too. And why is that?

    Ms. Vesuvius- It's so stressful, isn't it? I think that many of us may be this way.

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  7. I am an introvert too. We decided not to have a catered thing after the funeral mass because of it being too much--just too much which I know you will understand. I want people around for a while and then want them to go. I used to think that this meant I was nuts, but now I just realize that some contact and not constant contact is what I want. It's okay.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.