The Possibilities Are Endless. Which Is Scary As Hell

Well, I have actually begun to shop for my trip to the beach which starts day after tomorrow. So far, in preparation, I have bought:

One small bag of unbleached flour.

And Mr. Moon bought me two folding chairs today.

Okay! Ready to go!

Hey- I ain't stressing out about it. I am wishing I'd rented a bigger house, perhaps. I wasn't thinking when I made the arrangements. I just wasn't thinking. But we'll make it work. Family is family and what the hell? We've got the entire Gulf of Mexico out there and we'll curl up like little kittens here and there when it comes time to sleep. I'll get to spend time with each and every one of my kids and they'll get to spend time with each other and it's going to be precious. Do you know how grateful I am that my  kids would even consider coming to spend time with me at the beach? Okay, sure, there's a beach house involved, BUT STILL!
We gonna eat some nachos, y'all. We gonna laugh a lot.

I had a friend come over today. Did you hear me? A friend. Came over today.
It was awesome.
She's someone whom I've known by name for a long time and whom I always thought was a very interesting person and we've sort of been becoming friendlier over the past few months and she was Jessie's next door neighbor when she was living in town going to FSU and well, I just already feel like we've known each other for a very long time. Even though, of course, I didn't realize until today that she's been married twice.

Oh, details.
Pshaw.

You either feel completely comfortable with someone exactly who you are in your own skin or you do not. And I feel completely comfortable with her. I hope she feels that way about me. I heard Kenny Rogers on the radio the other day (he's written a book) and he was talking about something that someone had said to him which is that you can't make new old friends.
I don't know about that.
This lady makes me feel like maybe you sure as hell can.

I'm at an interesting point in my life. Part of me feels as if I have lived most of the life I'm ever going to live. Frankly, I never thought I'd live this long and honestly, I never thought I'd be so damn lucky and blessed at this point if I did manage to live this long. Don't ask me why on either one of those. It's just the way it is.
"What do you want to be when you grow up little girl?"
"Is that an option?"

And I'm not prepared for this stage of life. My career, such as it was, was raising babies. Did it. So now what? Sure, yes, I am helping take care of my grandsons but now that Lily is only working part time, not that much and all around me I see women approximately my age starting new careers or going back to school for new careers or jumping into new areas of life and here I am. Doing...what?
Sometimes I feel like I do when I'm at the mall, faced with every damn thing in the world and not knowing what I want and not feeling comfortable with any of the choices whether they be a lipstick or a new dress or whatever. And so I buy nothing and eventually, I reach the point where I just do not go to the mall because...well...obviously, either there's nothing there I want or I can't deal with making a choice. Or choices.

A lousy example. I know. The mall sucks. But you know what I mean.

And here I am, withdrawing more and more and I am too young, I think, to just wait to die. What a miserable prospect!

Well, this week at least has been interesting. I've gone out, even at night once, I've had a friend over, and tomorrow I'll go take care of the boys for a little while. Tomorrow night we're going to go hear Lon and Lis play and then Saturday I'll go to the beach.

We shall see. Maybe I'll go get that waitress job at the truck stop I've been threatening to apply for for at least thirty years. A girl's gotta have a back-up plan, right?

Okay, so that's a really bad one.

Meanwhile, this life is as big as I want it to be (which I suppose is the problem) and I need to get the fall garden in, if nothing else.

Here's a picture of Gibson that Lily sent me today.

I don't know what that is on his face. Yogurt? Probably. But look at that little man. Doesn't he look proud of himself, sitting up there like a big boy? Yesterday Jason was bragging on Owen, telling me how he'd been pooping in the potty and Owen had the same look on his face. Like,"Hell, yeah! I'm mastering these life-arts! Knocking 'em out, one by one!"

And next week they'll come to see Mer-Mer at the beach and hang out with their aunties and learn about waves and what happens when salt water gets up your nose and sand gets in the crotch of your bathing suit and what it's like to fall asleep with the waves making your night music and what the stars look like from an island, big and close and so many that you begin to understand the concept of infinity.

It's something.

Something I never imagined.

Like I said, it's an interesting time in my life. And I ain't dead yet.