Sunday, October 14, 2012

It Has Been A Hard Day

Even though I planted the fall garden. Mostly.

Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I'd had a father who loved me.

I think better. I think I would be a better person.

Oh well.


  1. You are lovely and awesome. Tomorrow will be better.

  2. It's Sunday...please cut yourself some slack. You sound like an amazing person even given your father troubles. It speaks well of you that you have become this person despite all you've been through, and that so many people love you.

  3. I'm inclined to think that some things might have been better, but you are who you are because of and in spite of who your father was.

    Sending love.

  4. I had/have a wonderful father, and I'm still a piece of shit, who will never be loved by a man.

    Who would want to love me?

    Sundays are hard.

  5. Oh Mary, this just made me bawl. I am feeling such loss lately for who I could have been if my father hadn't been such a controlling needy asshole. I am finally starting to feel better after many years of hard work in therapy but it's like waking up at 42 and seeing how much life I missed out on. I passed by the baby section the other day at Target and found myself weeping the entire way home. I know I can only do my best with the rest of the time I have, and am lucky that I am finally feeling more like a person, but still, it's sad.
    I am finally feeling well enough to even imagine who I could have been if only.
    So, I get you.
    I do.

    PS Hugs SJ.

  6. Bethany--I miss your words. Thank you for this.

    You are someone extraordinary.

  7. Ms Moon - I haven't commented in a long time but have been reading abd as strangers can, I get you and I love you. I know how you feel and I believe you wouldn't be your amazing self without your adversity. I send a big hug. Sweet Jo

  8. Ms. Moon, I know that feeling all too well...I wonder if I would not be the broken person who struggles each day to put myself back figure out how to do this. Then sometimes I think I'm pretty fucking amazing despite having a father who didn't care and a mother who did everything she could to keep me down. This is my life, and I'm going to write my own life story. The loveless father and jacked-up mother don't get to call the shots anymore.

    Peace to you my friend.


  9. Hugging you.

    You are exactly who you were supposed to be. You are a testimony to what it means to fight and win. Your Hank. Your Lily. Your Jessie. And that sweet Bop and those precious grand babies that just enjoyed the beach with you. Don't you see? You won. You're winning.

    He lost. And I'm sorry. Because that doesn't make it not hurt.

  10. It's hard to imagine you being a better person.

  11. By which I mean, you're already pretty darn great!

  12. I do understand. Much love to you, Mary Moon.

  13. Sodding Sundays! . . . And parents.
    New (controversial)report out over here today, says drug taking is no different to eating junk food. Well, you could have told them that!
    I don't think you could have been any more full of love for your family, however much or little you were loved. And you know how much that means. Sending my love to Lloyd today x

  14. Everyone's life is probably lined with regrets of things that didn't happen, but you have survived and made your way in your world, and you have a wonderful husband and loving gorgeous children who cherish you in so many ways.. You have succeeded despite the negativity of your growing up days.. you have much to be thankful for, and such deep strength to have risen far above those who sought to hurt you! Carry on writing and sharing, we all love to hear your thoughts... hugs from across the pond.J

  15. I think it would have made me less afraid.
    But oh well, like you said. Sometimes it scares me to think I might be a different person because of it.

  16. I have always admired how patient those fucking demons are. They have great timing don't they?
    Whenever people tell me to slow down, I always say:
    My demons are fast, and they never get tired.
    Feel better Sister Moon.

  17. Sending love. Just so glad you're here.

  18. Maybe somehow what you have been given in life so far has made your stronger. I often think that perhaps I was just where I was supposed to be and have lived as I was supposed to.

  19. You seem to be an amazingly strong and good woman right now. Perhaps a father's love would have made you feel better about yourself.

  20. I SO wish you a father who loved you. I'll share Daddums with you. He's a good 'un.

    Love you, my Mary Moon.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.