Thursday, October 18, 2012

No Politics Or Religion Today. I Promise. Maybe A Little Bit About Sex

I made Mr. Moon the happiest man in Lloyd last night.

Oh, how I wish I could say I was dressed in nothing but mink or silk or even Saran Wrap and that candles were involved, but no, I was wearing cargo shorts and an old t-shirt and holding a broom and it wasn't even dark yet.

I walked into the room where he was watching TV and said, "Honey, since we're going off next weekend for our anniversary, I really would not mind if you wanted to go hunting this weekend."

He looked up at me with a searching face to check to see, I suppose, if I was drunk or in my right mind, but I was completely sober and serious and he realized I meant it.

"Really?" he asked me.
"Really," I said.

"It IS the first weekend of rifle season," he said. I swear, he had a tear in his eye.

Bless his heart. I love that man.

Plus, this way I'll get to watch what I want to on the TV. Haha! Just kidding! (Sort of.) And eat salmon with spinach and Edamame beans. Ooh, I go CRAZY when he's gone.

And so he's happy and cheerful and I am too because when he's happy, I'm a lot more apt to be in a good mood myself and I know that works both ways. And if there's one thing I've learned being in a long-time marriage, it's that any sweetness you truly give comes back to you. Stiff-necked pride really has no place in a relationship.
Maybe eventually I'll truly remember that.

I've had my walk this morning. The dew was bedazzling the spider webs like a good Vagazzling can perk up your Lady Garden. (Thanks, Beth Coyote.)

Here's a picture of a spider web. You can google-image search Vagazzle if you want to see what that's all about. (And what woman wouldn't want her very own Swarovski-crystal-enhanced Lady Garden?)

I went out to check the garden when I returned home to find that the arugula I planted from seed is already breaking through the ground. I planted that stuff on Sunday! Not even a week! Arugula is about the easiest green to grow that I've ever encountered. It must be a weed. A really tasty weed and I sure am looking forward to eating it fresh from the dirt. Besides arugula seeds I also planted some actual plants of arugula and same with collards and broccoli and cauliflower and onion sets and cabbage and spinach and lettuces of various types. And collard seeds, too, and mesclun seeds and turnip and mustards.

In neat, crooked rows.

Speaking of making husbands happy, it would make mine SO happy if my rows were straighter but that would require too much effort. As would Vagazzling and honestly, wouldn't that create, uh, problems which would interfere with, uh, SEX? whereas crooked rows don't interfere with anything except my husband's sense of orderliness.

All right. That's enough of that. I've done my job here today which is to offer quite possibly the only place on the entire internet (at least for today) when you can find a discusion of not only gardening and hunting but also, vaginal decoration.

I am here to serve you.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. those lettuce rows look plenty straight to me. and just to keep the balance my post is all about politics and religion today. but after this, i'm swearing off those two subjects together as they send my blood pressure up quite a bit. i need more posts like this one. this is a happy post, vagazzle and all.

  2. Ah, mesclun. There's a farm market-type store in my very culturally diverse corner of the US, primarily run and staffed by South Asians and Mexicans. They sell plastic containers of lovely mixes of small green, yellow, and purple lettuces--and the labels say MASCULINE SALAD.

  3. I love the roundabout way you talk about things -- when you're not being incredibly forthright.

  4. That comment made absolutely no sense, and I pushed publish and shouldn't have. What I meant to say is that I love when you talk about things in a roundabout fashion AND when you talk about things forthrightly. Both ways work here at the Church of the Batshit Crazy. I'm a believer.

  5. Hhahahahaha. I love your blog.

    Lady garden!

    Vagazzle!! They have their own website!!! Fucking OUCH.

    Does anyone else think it tastes like peanut butter mixed with pepper?
    The arugula, that is.

  6. Blue Gal- I sure do try to be.

    Angella- If we were neighbors, we could go get vagazziled together. Or just go have coffee and laugh about the fact that other women do that.

    Anonymous- "Masculine Salad"! Haha! Hello! Do I know you?

    Ms. Bastard Beloved- I love you MAS!!!!!

    Elizabeth- I totally knew what you meant. And I thank you.

    Denise- Well, when I first grew arugula I was so shocked by its taste that I ripped it all out of the ground. And now I am addicted.

  7. Uh, mesclun seeds? Does that mean that what I'm wondering is what it really is???

  8. No, you don't know me, and I've never commented before. I'm anonymous because I'm private--or maybe shy. Just thought you'd get a kick out of "masculine". (The same store labels their baby greens "BEBI LETTUCE". They're big on phonetics, and not so hot on semantics.)

  9. I can't imagine planting anything in the winter garden. we're hunkered down around here.

    So glad you made your man happy. I remember my dad going off in the fall. With the dogs. To do manly things.

    XXX Beth

  10. Oh my God. Vajazzle. I have never heard of this. My mind reels.

    And apparently men Pejazzle.

    I just can't stand it.

  11. When I read your first sentence, I thought that you had made him happy with your very own Lady Garden and he was a happy man because of that. LOL--your title threw me off.

  12. we should probably have put in some turnips. my lettuce, spinach, and carrots have already sprouted too, much sooner than it said on the package. we don't do rows though. we just plant flat. still have not got my kohlrabi seeds in. must do that today!

  13. I have about the same chance of winning the lotto as I do a seeing a vajazzle in real life. I have never once (in a post boom boom moment) thought: That would have been way better with some shinny stuff glued to the side.
    I am in the Gary Shandling camp. I am pretty happy when sex happens and I am involved.

  14. I LOVE the vaginal decoration. Trying to find a picture to go with the words but don't find any. It's such a wonderful word combination.

  15. Lulu- Nah. Dammit. Just mixed fancy lettuces.

    Anonymous- Bebi lettuce is my favorite! Thanks for commenting, even if you are shy.

    Beth- Those men- they need such things, I guess. And that's fine. That's good.

    Steve- I saw that thing about the Pejazzle. That is so, so wrong. Wronger, perhaps, than vagazzling. Unless, you know, you're at Fantasy Fest in Key West or something. Then I guess it's okay.

    Syd- Mr. Moon probably wishes that too.

    Ellen Abbott- I have never grown kohl rabi. Should I?

    Brother Wrecking Ball- I always remember what some comedian said once about all those magazines that give women hints on how to "get your man in the mood." He said that basically all a woman had to do to get him in the mood was to walk into the room. This has been mostly my experience as well.

    Photocat- They're out there. Believe me.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.