I had really thought I was done posting for today but then the sky did this. And I wanted to talk about some of the presents I got this year because they are so deeply beautiful. And I also wanted to say that it's been, for me, the most peaceful Christmas I have experienced in many, many years. This is nothing short of a miracle for me. I usually spend Christmas afternoon weeping and being filled with anger and sadness. I mean, that's just the way it generally is. That has gotten better lately but this year is the first year that, to be frank, I did not have one suicidal thought.
That's sort of huge, isn't it?
But it is true. It's just been a gentle and good day and there were a few moments today when I did feel a small but true sense of joy. Several of these came when I was in Lily's house and a song came on from the Christmas play list that Hank had made which gave me pause and brought tears to my eyes. John and Yoko singing "Happy Christmas (War Is Over If You Want It)," Bruce Springsteen singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," Aaron Neville, B.B. King.
And when Vergil said, "This family is brutal about fighting for babies," as Glen and Hank and I all held out our arms for August. And watching Gibson playing with that toy, making up his own Gibson story that the figures were acting out. And watching Owen go into complete ecstasy as he opened each present, declaring that it was exactly what he wanted. And lying on Lily's bed with her and August as they napped, the baby inside of Lily cuddled up next to her cousin who baby-snored gently in Lily's arms.
The baby feet plaque that Jessie made for us.
The picture Lily gave us of Owen and Gibson right after they'd moved into their new house, Owen's stuffed white snowy owl perched on his arm. And the boys helped decorate the picture with glitter.
I was gobsmacked.
Hank has a friend who makes jewelry and very, very small precious things from the parts of old watches and typewriters. He traded a typewriter (Hank has many, many typewriters and as he said, he may not have a lot of money but he is rich in love and in typewriters) for this necklace charm for me. I am thrilled and it is on a silver chain around my neck with my May book necklace right now.
And this is what he gave to Mr. Moon.
I swear to you- nothing in the world, not precious jewels of immense cost or expensive electronic devices or anything I could imagine could please me as much as these presents do.
And Mr. Moon and I gave each other simple things this year. Candy and rum and shirts and jig saw puzzles and a beautiful wooden spoon and my favorite espresso and things like that.
We exchanged our presents when we got home and we laughed and we kissed and then I made phone calls to people I love and now I'm going to make some ham and corn chowder.
And look who's still alive.
Well. Another Christmas. And it simply could not have been better, even if we have been using the air conditioner, even if the mosquitoes are torments, even if I couldn't wear red velvet. That red garment I was wearing last night in those pictures was made of silk and I got it at the Thomasville Goodwill and I wore it again today.
Red velvet, red silk.
Jewelry made by hand. Children's delight. A baby's chortles. A love for whom I am going to make soup. A sunset like fire in the sky. A new baby coming so very soon. A granddaughter.
A peaceful Christmas without pain.
Again I say- I could not, would not, ask for more. And quite frankly, I am astonished at it all.