Thursday, December 1, 2011

Today's To Do List

Cold, cold and the blood runs through me like molasses or something slow and sticky. The sun shines down hard but its light is ineffectual in the heating department and the thermostat says Replace Battery.
What? How does one DO that?
Oh my god, I just figured it out and did it. 
Okay. My work here is done.

Not really.

I am making lists in my head. They go something like this:

Lose twenty pounds in next twenty days.
Buy silk underwear.
Buy Kindle.
Get hair done.
Get eye surgery.
Look like this:

I wish.
I saw part of Laurel Canyon the other night which starred the amazing Frances McDormand. The acting of almost everyone in the movie annoyed the fucking crap out of me. Look- I am not an actor and do not pretend to be one but come ON! people. Frances, though, was amazing as she always is. It was worth wading through the crappity crap just to watch her.
Plus, I want that hair. I have that hair. It just has not been revealed by the proper stylist.
I want that body but I'm too fucking lazy.
I do not, however, want leather jeans. Who came up with THAT idea? I don't even really enjoy sitting on a leather couch.

So. Let's see. What else is on the list?

Figure out what to cook for supper. (NO turkey or poultry of any sort.)
Make bed.
Clean toilets.
Meet Bill Murray.
Finish novel.
Get it published.
Convince Larry David to give me role on Curb Your Enthusiasm in which I can swear like a sailor.
Clean floor around toilets.

Here's something I was thinking about the other night:
You know that old saying- don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes?

I think that might be the truest thing in the world.

You know that other old saying- I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet?

Don't tell that one to an eight-year old. It will freak the shit out of them.

All right. Obviously I have a lot to do today.
I might even have lunch with Keith Richards. We'll drink vodka and discuss our grandchildren and laugh until the tiny bells we have entwined in our hair tinkle and our mascara and eye-liner will run down our faces.

Our perfect, deeply-wrinkled old faces.

Be well, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Sorry, Keith's at my place through the weekend.

  2. Rubye Jack- Be right there. I don't mind sharing.

  3. You are a peach. Seriously my first smile of the day (the 8 year old freak out) and yes Frances is so absolutely genius and beautiful isn't she?

    Please write a whole bunch more today so I can have something to read here while I pretend to work. You make my day all sparkly.


  4. Bethany- And I smile every time I think of you.

    Madame Radish King- Did you not see my to-do list? I am already far behind! I can't sit here all day and write sparkling prose! Those toilets...the weight loss...the eye surgery....
    Too much, too much, too much!
    I love you.

  5. My list pales in comparison. And I thought that was a picture of you.

    I am however firmly in the grasp of a midlife crises and have been thinking of getting the leather jeans. Combined with some leering and maybe a convertible, I think I'd look good. No?

  6. Hhhmmmm...lists. I keep the mental ones that shift and sway for the day.

    Frances looks so hot in that photos. I want the hair, which I don't and never will have. And I would like to try on a pair of leather pants if they could give me a wild streak of "I am so hot you will burn if you touch me...SSSSSSSS"

    And I do clean around the toilets. As well as the plumbing behind the toilet. What can I even say....

  7. Magnum- Well, you have the bullshit part down. (Love you.)

    Jo- I live to make you smile.

    Ellen- If I thought there was a chance in hell that I'd look like that in leather jeans, I'd eat my words real fast. But there isn't.
    Now let me ask you- what IS that grimy dust that won't wipe clean behind the toilet? I don't really want to know, do I?

  8. Good god, I just laughed really hard at the 8 year old thing.

  9. DTG- Just speakin' from experience, babe. Just speakin' from experience.

  10. she is so awesome in that movie.

    you are so awesome in this blog. win win!

    that hair looks achievable. just don't ask me for a stylist recommendation!

  11. you and keith. can i be a fly on the wall. swooning?

  12. I love you. Just thought you should know.

    And I laughed really hard at the 8 year old thing, too.

  13. LOVE IT!

    I'm pretty sure Jim Morrison invented leathers... But not positive.


  14. I'm reading this at night, all stuffy and gross-feeling from my cold, and you've made my day.

  15. Ditch the to do list and get the leather jeans and the bells in your hair. Meet Keith and do whatever you want, jingle your bells together, dance, laugh and enjoy the moments. I like to think of that rather than your cleaning around toilets and such.

  16. Yes! Go for it! All of it. Tell Keith I said hi and that I could work him in (ha) for lunch next week.

  17. Maggie May- It would be a long trip to get out to where you live for a hair cut and color. But you know- it could be worth it!

    Angella- Don't be a fly on the wall. Braid some bells into your hair and pull up a chair. Here's your glass. Let's laugh.

    RiotGrrl- It's so nice to hear your voice! I'm glad you laughed.

    Ms. Fleur Melinda- Ooh. I think it was the cave woman who invented leather pants.

    Elizabeth- YAY! Not on your cold.

    Syd- Well, it's both sides of the coin, isn't it? Someone has to clean around the toilets. What a sweet comment. Thanks.

    Denise- Hee-hee.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.