Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Fantasy Fishing And Other Fine Things

Long day involving many activities including one I've never done before which was fishing in the almost-pond in my backyard with the metal legs of the flamingos. Those flamingos. They get around, let me tell you.

Owen is so the boss of me. I think I'm just too old and tired to fight him. He tells me what to do and basically, I do it. I can just see someone asking me, "Why in the world did you let the child play with a knife?" and me saying, "Well, he wanted to. He said please, for god's sake."

I'm like Flo, my mother-mentor, the famous chimpanzee whom Jane Goodall studied for years. She was so old when she had her last baby that she didn't have the energy to discipline him or make him grow up and when she died, he did too.

Good thing Owen has a real mother who is only twenty-six. That's all I can say.
If he were my actual child, he'd still be nursing and in diapers when he was nineteen because I wouldn't have the strength to wean and potty-train him.

That would be so bad.

Anyway, he's home now with his young mama and I'm home alone. Mr. Moon may be stuck down in Ocala. I'm not sure. He asked if I wanted to drive down there and spend the night. At that point Owen had just left and I looked around at the chaos which was my house and said (whined), "I haven't even washed the breakfast dishes yet," which was the wrong answer. I should have just gotten in my car and driven down there and spent the night with him in a motel and it would have been an adventure AND fun but no, I'm old as Flo and all that pond fishing wore my old ass out.

Besides, Jan called and I got that part and I need to start memorizing. NOW!
What have I done? Oh Jesus. But I'm excited.
I should do like Colin used to do when he got a part- make a spread sheet with timelines and so forth to check off every day of lines memorized. Seriously. That's how he did it.
Alas, I have no idea how to make a spread sheet. I think Colin used spread sheets to tell him which pair of Levis to wear daily. It worked for him. He looked fabulous in those Levi's.

Well, Mr. Moon called. He'll be home around ten. I'll probably be in bed by then.
I'm going to heat up some soybeans and cook some broccoli and read this script and enjoy the peace and quiet. There's a whole world out there and I'm not involved in it and that's fine with me. From what I read on the internet, there's some crazy shit going on out there and the Muppets are Communists and Rick Santorum says that if gay marriage was legalized then "their sexual activity" would be seen as equal to heterosexual relationships.
Say what, Rick?
Have you tried gay sex? If not, then you shouldn't comment on the equality of gay versus straight sex.

I'll leave you with that one. It is obviously only my opinion and frankly, as I always say, I don't know shit.

The world is lucky that I am neither a mother at this age or a political candidate and one is about as likely to happen as the other.

Yours truly...Ms. Moon


  1. You're the best is what you are. Just the best.

  2. Hetero and gay sex can only be equal if you are bi. Iffin' yer gay, gay sex is superior, and vice versa.

  3. Elizabeth- At cooking soybeans? I might be!
    Thank-you, sugar. But I think YOU'RE the best.

    Stephanie- Well, I can only assume that there are many different criteria as to what superior sex might entail. I don't know that the person's gender with whom you are having it is always the deciding factor, despite one's proclivities. Know what I'm saying? Sex with a FANTASTIC lover of either sex would probably be better than sex with a terrible, lousy lover of either sex. I'm thinking. Maybe.

  4. Congratulations on getting the part!

  5. The idea of political candidates commenting on sex is ridiculous. Why are they so obsessed with it? I don't understand that.

  6. Stephanie- Sex is very, very multi-complex if you ask me.
    But on the whole, you are right, of course.

    Rubye Jack- Thanks, sweetie. I just read the whole script and I do not know if I can do this. I know I CAN do it, would love to do it, but the age difference...yikes.

    Syd- Too true. What business of theirs is it? When did sex become part of a political candidate's concern? What a crock of shit.

  7. Congrats on getting the part. I can hardly wait to hear a recording of you saying your lines !!!

    Hmmmm, soybeans aaaaand broccoli...? I'm thinkin' it ain't goin' ta be so quiet around there tonight....:))

  8. You got the part! You can do it, but I don't think timelines are really your cup of tea.

    As for political candidates, I'd surely vote for you if you were running. Especially if you were running against The Prick!


  9. Wow! Congrats! On the play and on telling Rick Santorum off, and for loving Owen and Mr. Moon, and writing this blog.

  10. Congrats on getting that part! I thought you would. I love reading about Jane Goodall's work with chimps and always think of animals as kin. Owen in nappies at 20 would be quite a sight!

  11. i'll make you a spreadsheet. i am the queen of all things excel...

    now as far as the sex thing, in the eyes of a skilled statistical analyst such as myself, data on the topic is based on opinion and therefore too qualitative to assess with a simple yes or no question. we would need to develop a survey of at least ten questions ranked a scale of 4 to six intermediate points of reference to determine strong/weak proclivities, preferences, etc. to gather a more accurate response from which to draw conclusions from.

    i'm home today- seriously inbox me if you want me to make you a spreadsheet.


  12. I had knives as a young boy, and I turned out just fine with all my appendages.
    Speaking of...
    Sex and love and politics? I'd fuck Mr. Santorum dressed as a commie Muppet just to prove sex has nothing to do with love or politics; and also to show how kind and gentle liberals can be. The point might get lost once I holla, "believe in Snuffaluffagus yet!"

  13. where do i start. so many things here, all of it so good!

    grandbabies should be the boss of mer-mers. it's a lwa of nature.

    mr moon wants to sneak off to a hotel with you!

    you're in a new play!

    rick santorum doesn't know shit.

    but you, dear mary, you sure do. and i love you.

  14. What part?? I missed that somewhere and I want to hear all about it, my god I would love a Part. A Part.

    And yes I know all about the undeniability of three year olds. I might be better at calling it a day though when I need to. heh.

    love d

  15. liv- Ah me. You are right about that.

    Lulumarie- No timelines for me. Thanks. As to me running for governor? That would be the biggest debacle of all times. Ha!

    Omgrrl- Okay. Now THERE'S a website that doesn't mince words.

    Denise- All of that- my joys.

    Mary LA- Yep. We're kin all right and I, for one, am proud to claim the great apes as my cousins.

    Mrs. A- Oh, god. Thank-you but I wouldn't stick to it. I have my own crazy methods. But if I get stuck, I'll let you know.

    Magnum- You win. Best comment ever.

    Angella- And I love you too!


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.